


Don't leave me

by Misslill15



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:33:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 45
Words: 79,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misslill15/pseuds/Misslill15
Summary: Clarke Griffin meets the gang leader Lexa at a party, one thing leads to another.
Or
Lexa is the leader of the criminal gang "The Grounders". Clarke Griffin is in need of help and Lexa has her back. They get to know each other and of course they fall in love, its just never easy for them. 
If you're ready for a long fic with a lot of drama, fluff and Clexa this is it. Also fast update





	1. Heda

”Some of the grounder are here” Bellamy points out looking at the small group entering the living room.  
”That means problem” Raven says opening a beer.  
”Thats not just some of the grounders, you see the girl there, thats Heda” a strange voice speaks making the two friends look back at a tall man.  
”Shit, for real?” Raven says excited.  
”How do you know that?” Bell asks.  
”I’m one of them, Lincoln” Raven and Bellamy look at each other knowing to play it cool from there.

They could know for sure he was a grounder, the leather jacket had the mark, his tattoos screamed grounder and knowing he was close to Heda’s inner circle meant he was important. 

”Alex is here” Clarks voice breaks the silence.  
”Do you want me to handle it” Bell says giving the blond girl a hug.  
”No its okay, I can handle it” She sighs. ”Where did you get that beer?” she asks Raven.  
”The booze is in the living room by the pool table” She says pointing the direction.  
”I’m gonna need alcohol tonight” Clarke sighs leaving her friends behind.

Walking through the living room she spots the small group of grounders, the guys we’re playing cards and the girl sitting with them looked pleased smoking her cigarette. Clarke felt herself staring and when all of them looked up to see who was looking at their direction she moved her feet towards the pool table. She felt the girls eyes following her across the room.  
”Well well, see who finally showed up to the party” it was Alex  
”Just leave me alone please” Clarke begs.  
”I’m just having fun girl, don't be such a bitch” his voice was threatening.  
”I just want a drink” Clarke did not want to look him in the eyes, she knew what could happen if she said something wrong or looked at him the wrong way. She tried to move away to get to the large fridge standing behind them.  
”I think your kinda rude” Clarke felt herself being dragged back, his grip around her arm was strong.  
”You’re hurting me” she felt her voice breaking, damn she hated the way he made her feel so small and worthless. He moved closer to her face, still gripping her arm, stronger.  
”Play nice then” he whispers to her ear. With his free hand he brushes her hair away from her neck giving it a small kiss.  
”Please stop Alex, I don’t…” she did not get to finish that sentence.  
”Is there a problem here?” It was a girls voice.  
”Not you business” Alex moves away from Clarks neck but still holds on to her arm.  
”Let her go” Clarke finally looked up to meet green eyes, it was the girl sitting with the grounders.  
”And what are you gonna do about it bitch?” Clarke knew this was not going to end very well.  
”Do you wanna test me?” the green eyed says raising her eyebrow. The four men that had played card earlier was now standing up, probably heard everything.  
”Shit” Alex said nervous. ”I’m sorry, I don't want any problem”  
”Get the fuck out of here before I punch you in the face myself” Alex let go of Clarks arm finally and left without saying another word. The girl nodded to the men behind her and they returned to their game.  
”Are you okay?” she then asks Clarke.  
”Yes, thank you…”  
”Lexa”  
”I’m Clarke”  
”Does it hurt Clarke” her named rolled out of the girls tongue a way she never heard before.  
”A little, but it will be fine, can i get you a drink as an thank you?” Clarke smiles a little.  
”Sure, vodka red bull?” Clarke turns to the fridge to se what alcohol it contained.  
”Yeah, I can fix that” she pulls out the vodka while Lexa hands her two cups. ”Lexa why does that sound so familiar?” Clarke asks pouring the vodka.  
”You tell me” Lexa smirks.  
”Wait…Grounders… Lexa, o shit you’re fucking Heda?!” Clarke turns around smiling exited to the girl, Lexa laughs.  
”Yes Clarke,I am the commander”  
”I feel honored” Clarke jokes.  
”Thanks for the drink” she says accepting the cup Clarke was holding out to her. She then turns around to join the other grounders again.  
”Clarke” she suddenly says looking back at the blonde girl once more. ”If he ever touch you again, let me know” She looks serious. ”I am serious” she says like she could read her mind.  
”Okay” Clarke simply says a little surprised. 

 

***

Clarke had a nice time at the party last weekend, with Lexa asking Alex to leave she could finally relax and just have fun with her friends. They al noticed the change in her mood and was surprised when Clarke told them what happened. The only thing Clarke had trouble with that night was getting the green eyes out of her head. It was something about her that made her feel like she wanted to know more. It was weird at the same time, at school on Monday she realized they had some classes together. She never really noticed her sitting in the back with her crew, they did not speak much, only with each other. It was five men and another girl in Lexa’s inner circle. Raven told her the other girls name was Anya. 

The Grounders we’re well known all over the town, it was all the ages you could imagine. It was kids making trouble at school, messing with the teachers, pranks. It was the teenager starting street fights, throwing the craziest parties, selling drugs. Older men owning a few of the local bars in the neighborhood probably dealing with some black business. No one really knew what the deal was, we just knew to stay out of it. The kids in school was still innocent and if they we’re to much trouble some older grounder often shout them down. They protected their own people, they did, but there was a gang war going on. The grounder had a lot of fights with other gangs from different towns making it unsafe at the same time. 

The thing that was interesting is that all the grounders choose Lexa, a 20 years old teenager as their leader. Clarke heard the name all the time, she just never imagine the girl sharing the same classroom as her.She knew she was important to the grounders but Heda? She would never had guessed that.

”Clarke” Octavia speaks. ”You coming?” Clarke shook her head thinking she has to just stay away from all of that grounder drama.  
”Yes” she answers following O and Raven to history class.  
”Alex is here” Raven whispers looking at the brown haired guy staring at his phone.  
”Do you think he will leave you alone after this?” O asks looking at Clarke.  
”I hope so but he is crazy so you never know” Clarke sighs.  
The grounders enters the room, Lexa was wearing black boots with skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and the leather jacket she always had on.  
”She’s so hot” Raven says poking Clarke in the stomach, Clarke already knew that.  
”She’s badASS” O says looking at her like she was an celebrity like the rest of the class noticing the group entering the room. They pass the three girls sitting at their table and Clarke looks up ready to give Lexa a smile but the girl did not even look at her. Clarke felt herself being disappointed and pretends to read in her notebook instead.  
”Don’t take it personally Clarke, grounders hang with grounders” Raven assures her.  
”I’m not expecting us to be friendly or anything” Clarke shoot back a little to eager.  
”I’m just saying, she’s trouble, you’re better off staying away from her anyway”  
”We don't need another Alex” O sighs.  
”Or another Finn” Raven spits.  
”Alright I get it my dating life sucks no need to rub it in my face”  
”Just saying, adding a grounder to that list is shit, you should go for someone like Wells, someone that treats you like a princess cause you deserves it” Raven smiles giving Clarke a wet kiss on her cheek. Wells was her childhood friend that had been crushing on Clarke for years.  
”Wells boring” Clarke laughs trying to push the girl away from her.  
”I’m not” she laughs pressing more kisses to her cheek.  
”Alright, your right” Clarke smiles turning around so when Raven turns in for another kiss on her cheek she meets Clarks lips instead.  
”CLARKE!” she screams and its Clarks turn to kiss all over Ravens face.  
”You started it, maybe I should date you instead”  
”Its better than a grounder” O laughs at her two friends.  
Clarke starts to think they’re right, Lexa probably doesn’t give a shit about her anyway, she leans her head on Ravens shoulder. She just talked to the girl, thats all, dating? Clarke wasn’t even sure she wanted to date anyone after all the shit she’s been through lately. Best thing was to forget all about it.

Clarke had no idea that two green eyes was staring at her direction annoyed, wondering why this Raven girl was all over Clarke.


	2. This mess

”Really Clarke, you should talk to someone you can’t go around being afraid all the time”  
”I just want him to stop staring at me” Clarke whines.  
”I can just push him in the face” Raven suggests.  
”I told you I don't want you anywhere near that guy” Clarke could handle herself being treated like a punching bag but if it was her friends because of her, it would break her heart. They had this discussion to many times.  
”Its not fair” O looked at Alex laughing with two of his friends.  
”Life’s not fair you know O”

It was really not fair, Clarke accepted it. She made some stupid decisions being hurt that led her to Alex. She did not know that he would turn into this psycho thinking Clarke belonged to him or whatever. 

She was in love with Finn, the guy she wasted two years with just to get cheated on. That messed her up, she wanted the pain to go away. Being with someone else had to be the answer right? She met Alex a few times, he was a real charm in the beginning but Clarke felt like she was not ready. She told him, thats when it all started. He was violent, following her every move and screamed at her. It was scary how someone you thought were so sweet and innocent could turn in to such a monster. He broke Clarke in so many ways, not just her ribs or the bruises he left all over her body. He made her feel worthless, he broke her. 

Finn finally found out about this and confronted Alex, it was the scariest thing Clarke ever witnessed in her life. Finn ended up at the hospital fighting for his life and Clarke felt more broken than ever. After the incident and all her friends finding out about the short abusive relationship Alex accepted Clarke not being her girlfriend. He never stopped harassing her though and everyone knew about it but Clarke would not let anyone near him again. 

Finn was an asshole, a cheating asshole but he did not deserve what happened to him. He told Clarke not to blame herself, he was very sweet to her about it. He tried to tell the police what happened but Alex is from a very rich family and the right lawyers got him out of the trouble. Like it never happened. Finn went off to another collage short after that, he felt bad for leaving but Clarke wanted him to leave. She did blame herself. She still cared about him and wanted him safe, after all she did love him. She could never be in love with him after his betrayal but he was her first love and one of her best friends. 

”What are you thinking about” O wakes Clarke from her thoughts.   
”Finn…Alex…everything” Clarke says honest.  
”You talked to Finn lately” She asks.  
”No, he texted me like a week ago asking if I was alright”  
”He really still cares for you, even though he fucked up”  
”That doesn’t change anything”  
”I know, just pointing it out”  
”I hate guys” Clarke says looking over at Alex once more.  
”I hate guys to…speaking of I gotta go” Octavia looks at her phone and suddenly a smile crosses her face.  
”Speaking of what?!” Raven yells joining the conversation again.  
”I met a guy at the party this weekend, his name is Lincoln” she smiles.  
”I still hate guys” Clarke says.  
”Wait Lincoln, that rings a bell” Raven says.  
”I talk to you guys later, I’m meeting him for lunch” O says bringing her stuff together and leave the girls with two air kisses.  
”I hate guys to” Raven bumps down next to Clarke bringing her arm around her. ”Lexa is looking at you by the way” Clarke looks up and meet green eyes four tables away from her. The brunette does not break the staring until the girl named Anya says something to her.  
”Do you hate girls to” Raven laughs.  
”I don’t know her, I only spoke to her for a few minutes”  
”She did rescue you from Alex”  
”She did” Clarke smiles. ”But thats all, I don't need anymore trouble in my life”

***

The week is pretty simple, its unusual for Clarke. She hangs out with Raven and Octavia, goes to her classes, dinner with her mother and some studying at night. Alex haven’t talked to her since Lexa scared him away. She feels like thanking her again. 

Its Friday night and Clarke is getting ready to go to this house party thrown by some grounder boys. They got invited by Lincoln, or matter of fact, Octavia got invited. Raven yelled at her at first saying that she spoke to him at the last party and that he was a grounder. Octavia knew, she explained to her friends that she was wrong about them. Lincoln changed her mind about the grounders or at least some of them. There are some bad, but they were not all bad. She asked us to come to the party and at least give him an chance.

”Can i borrow this?” Raven asks holding up a black simple dress.  
”Yes, can I wear this?” Clarke says turning around to face her friend. She was wearing black skinny jeans, ripped at the knees, a black t-shirt and some timberlands to break the black outfit.  
”You look badass” Raven smiles  
”Is that a good thing?”  
”Are you trying to impress someone?” Raven smirks.  
”Raven” Clarke looks serious at her friend.” I’m not”  
”Alright don't be such a grumpy, I’m just saying if you DID want to impress someone, you totally would” Raven smirks again.  
”You’re unbelievable” Clarke smiles.

Octavia texts them the address apologizing saying she was already at the party shortly after their done with their makeup. They were supposed to get a ride together. Raven calls Bellamy instead and asks if he could give them a ride and he answers with only if they keep an eye on his little sister. He never liked the grounders, and hated the fact that his precious O was dating one.

The ride was not very long and they thanked Bell and promised him to many times to call if something happened. They finally left the car and was met with loud music.

”You ready?” Raven takes Clarks arm and they start moving towards the house. Clarke who suddenly feels anxious takes Ravens hand instead and just smiles awkward when she looks back at her questioning. ”Something wrong?” she asks.  
”I just, you know… new people, it still scares me” Clarke confesses.  
”You’re safe now Clarke” The door swings open and its Lexa who greets them, she looks down at the handholding before looking up with a stone cold expression on her face.  
”Hello Clarke” she says looking at the blond and then over to Raven.  
”I’m Raven”   
”I did not know you we’re coming”  
”Lincoln invited us” Raven says nervous, Clarke can't even seem to remember how to talk. Lexa looks like a god damn goddess with her brown hair hanging over her shoulders, high heels, skinny jeans and of course her leather jacket. Lips looking amazing with the red lipstick and her green eyes, her damn eyes, Clarke swears she could see the universe in those damn eyes.  
”Come in, your friend Octavia is over there” Raven seem to be in a rush the get away from Lexa’s gaze and is gone in a second.  
”Clarke, can I get you a drink?” Lexa asks, it takes a few seconds before Clarke can remember how to put words in her mouth.  
”Yes please” she finally says.

She follows Lexa through the room were most people seem to be hanging, she nods smiling to Octavia who winks at her and noticing its only grounders in this room. It was weird, some went to their school and some she never seen before. It seem to be a very private party.  
”Is that your girlfriend” Lexa’s voice brings Clarke back to the moment and she looks confused at her.  
”Who?” she asks.  
”The girl you came with, you spend a lot of time with her”  
”and how do you know that?” Clarke is surprised by her answer.  
”I’ve seen the two of you at school”  
”Are you stalking me” Clarke jokes but she stops smiling when Lexa doesn’t seem to amused. ”She’s not my girlfriend, she is just my best friend who might be a little to clingy” If Clarke wasn't paying attention she would have missed the small smile that sneaked on Lexa’s face before it disappeared.   
”I see” Lexa hands Clarke a drink and she takes a sip.   
”Vodka Redbull?” she smiles.   
”I guessed you liked it to” Lexa smiles this time.

The girls small talked for a while in the kitchen and Clarke could not help to love the way she made Lexa laugh. The conversation was easy and Lexa actually seemed like a nice girl.   
”Heda” a voice interrupted them a time later and Lexa went back to her stone face a soon as the man came in to the room. He whispered something in her ear and Clarke could not read Lexa’s face at all, she was not chatty Lexa anymore she figured, she was Heda.   
”Clarke, It was nice talking to you but I have to go” Lexa leaves in a hurry.

Clarke felt disappointed when she walks back to the living room to greet Octavia and Raven again. She liked talking to Lexa and she felt like Lexa liked talking to her to.   
”Where have you been?” Octavia asks.  
”Chatting with Lexa”   
”Where is she now?” a man asks Clarke the question.  
”Eh, this is Lincoln” O informs her.  
”Nice to meet you, I’m Clarke”   
”Is Lexa still in the kitchen?” Lincoln seems stressed.  
”No she said she had to go” Clarke explains and Lincoln is suddenly standing up calling someone on his phone.  
”Sorry O, I will be right back” he was stressed.  
”What was that all about” Raven asks O.  
”I have no idea” she looks back at Lincoln who seem to have an intense conversation.  
”Have you asked him about anything, like grounder secrets” Raven is excited.  
”I only had like two dates with him, I don't think he will share any secrets with me yet”  
”Octavia, I am really sorry but I have to go” Lincoln joined the girls again. ”I will explain later, please stay here” then he was gone as fast as Lexa disappeared.   
”And now what do we do” Raven asks.  
”Drink?” Clarke suggest still sipping on the drink Lexa made her.  
”Do you think I should be worried?” Octavia asks.  
”He can probably take care of himself O” Raven says.  
”I think worrying comes with dating a Grounder” Clarke says and maybe she thinks about herself as well but she does not date a grounder, she just talked to one.  
”Yeah, lets drink” O says. 

The party was pretty nice, the girls played some beer pong with the younger grounders that had been drinking a little to much. Spend some time wondering if they were the only one at the party not being grounders. They laughed at it before someone pointed out that they in fact, was the outsiders at the small party. They played some pool and drank some more vodka before the party was interrupted a few hours later.

”Everybody move” the front door stormed in with at least ten people. Clarke and Octavia run to see who it was with Raven close behind. It was a scary look. It was blood everywhere, and they all looked hurt.  
”Gustus bring Anya upstair, Indra get everyone else downstairs and Lincoln you get the healer here NOW” Lexa’s voice filled the room and everyone listened to every order she spitted out.  
”And what about you?” Lincoln asks.  
”I will be fine, MOVE NOW!” the group of people followed their order and Lexa looked at other people in the room. ”Continue the party” and then she walked across the room to find the bathroom Clarke guessed. She felt bad, Lexa had blood al over her and Clarke could not help but to follow her. 

”Lexa” she opened the door and looked at the girl who washed her hands.  
”Clarke, don’t you know better” she turns around to look at her.  
”I just wanted to check if you were okay” Lexa has once again no expressions on her face, looking more annoyed with Clarke being there.  
”What are you even doing here, you don't belong here, I can take care of myself” she sounds like a robot.  
”Let me just check it for you?” Clarke asks taking a step forward looking at the bleeding.  
”You know, you got a lot of nerve Clarke, you should show me some respect, If I ask someone to leave they leave”  
”But” Clarke could not finish her sentence.   
”GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE AND GET AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE” she raises her voice but Clarke wasn’t scared of her threat. ”I don't want to see you here again, is that clear” Clarke feels the rejection getting to her harder than it should. Not wanting Lexa to see her break she turns around before she stops at the bathroom door.  
”I don’t think you cant take care of yourself I just…you don't have to do it alone you know” Clarke finds courage to look back at Lexa.  
”Just leave Clarke, you don't belong in this mess” then she closes the door and locks Clarke on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you, fast update :)


	3. Secret dance moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is not ready to forgive Clarke for last week.

”Some of the grounders are mad at Lincoln for bringing us to that party, thats why he got upset when he found out Lexa was gone” Octavia explains. ”They did not tell him what was going on”  
”What was going on?” Raven asks.  
”That… he didn’t want to tell me”  
”So he called them or what?” Clarke asks.  
”Yeah, they said he thought he was more interested in me than his duty, they have a simple rule”  
”What is that rule?”  
”Grounders hang with grounders”  
”Thats a ridiculous rule” Clarke says.  
”Lincoln feels that way as well but after that night he wants to take it slower, he doesn't want to be left out again”  
”Maybe we should just leave them to their stupid rule” Raven says opening the door to the english class, the girls follow.  
”I really like him Raven” O sighs throwing her bag at their usual table.  
”Clarke can we talk” As usually that voice felt like knives cutting through Clarke, she looks up at Alex and takes a deep breath.  
”Just leave her alone Alex” Raven says looking up from her textbook.  
”I just want to talk”  
”I don’t want to talk to you” Clarke says.  
”Maybe you should run away again” O laughs looking at the well known group entering the classroom, all of them bruised and looking slightly tired. Alex freezes as the group pass them but no one looks at them expect for Lexa, all she does is to look away again.  
”I guess your little backup doesn’t have time to care about you today” Alex smirks. ”Come on” He grabs Clarks arm and that forces her to stand up. She knows it will hurts otherwise, Octavia stands up as well.  
”Let her go” Alex grip gets tighter and it already hurts since its still a little bruised since the last time.  
”Its okay O” Its not fucking okay, she wants to sink through the ground but she lets Alex drag her out of the classroom. She can feel all the students watching them and she feels stupid to think Lexa would actually care about her.

There was no people in the halls anymore and Clarke feels her stomach twist when she gets dragged further away from everyone. Alex finally stops in the boys locker room where he closes the door behind them.  
”Do you think I forgot all about you?” he asks but Clarke doesn’t want to answer. ”Answer me!”  
”No” is all she can say, god she hated him so much. ”Why are you doing this to me” she can feel her tears already streaming down her face, she hated that he made her cry this easy as well.  
”Come on baby, don't cry, I just want to be with you, you know that, but that thing you pulled last week was very stupid. You know you made me really angry and you need to be punished, when you’re not behaving we have to do something about it, right?”  
”You need help” Clarke says trying to wipe her tears away. Thats when the first punch comes hitting her face, she falls to the cold ground helplessly.  
”No I need you do behave” he spits.  
”We are not together I don't want anything to do with you can’t you just leave me alone” he kicks her in her stomach, this was rougher than usual.  
”I love you Clarke” he speaks ”GET UP!” he yells louder and Clarke tries to move but it all hurts to much.  
”Then why are you doing this to me?” another punch to the face, there is blood now.  
”You made a fool of me last week don't you remember” her face was hit again.  
”I don’t love you, I never did, I regret everything” Clarke could feel herself getting numb, she felt hitting, she felt herself being held and thrown to the ground, she could hear him speak but she could not understand what he was saying. Then it was black.

 

***

 

”You look oddly sad tonight” Clarke looked around to see a pretty tall guy with brown hair smiling at her.  
”Not in the mood” she confesses.  
”A pretty girl like you, how can I help you feel better?” He still smiles while he sits down next to her on the bench outside the house party.  
”Make a silly dance or something I don't know” she looks back at him  
”My name is Alex by the way”  
”I’m Clarke, nice to meet you”  
”So what happened?” he asks  
”My boyfriend cheated on me last week”  
”How can someone cheat on someone beautiful as you?” he says. ”Do you want me to punch him in the face?” he jokes and Clarke laughs.  
”I already did” she giggles.  
”I bet, come on lets go inside and I will show you my secret dance moves” he offers and it sounds good.  
”Okay Alex, lets dance” Clarke takes his hand and they move back into the house.

***

”Okay the class is almost over and Clarke is not back yet” Raven whispers to O.  
”I know it makes me crazy, why did we just let her go” O says looking back at Clarks jacket and bag. ”Do you think he will hurt her again?”  
”If he does I think I can’t look myself in a mirror” Raven sighs.  
”You know even if we tried she would not let us talk more than three words before she'd agree to anything he says just to get him away from us”  
”I hate it” at that the bell rang to let everyone know the class ended. Raven collects Clarks stuff and rush out with O behind her, they stop right outside to check both directions.  
”Whats wrong” Lincoln joins them in the hall with some other grounders behind him.  
”Its okay just looking for our friend” Octavia says trying dialing Clarke on her phone at the same time.  
”Are you looking for Clarke” Lexa joins them in the hall as well.  
”Come on” Raven says dragging O with her not letting them chat with the grounders.

Lexa looks at the girls running and starts walking the other direction.  
”Heda, were are you going?” Lincoln asks.  
”To find Clarke” she says like it was the most obvious thing.  
”Okay, lets find her” Lincoln agrees.

***  
”Get up, come one that was not that bad Clarke open your eyes” the stress in Alex voice was real.  
Clarke blinks a few times before she gets used to the environment, it was not a nightmare, it was real and it was still going on.  
”Come on baby its all good now” Clarke did not move, she could not feel her body it all hurt and at the same time she felt nothing. ”We’re good now come on get up” Alex says in panic.  
Voices outside makes him stand up, the classes had ended. Clarke was saved, someone would come in and find them right?  
”We will talk later” Alex says already on his way out of the guys locker room. Clarke was alone and she felt like crying but nothing came. All she could feel was pain.

She lays there for so long, she has no idea how long, maybe she passed out again? No one is entering the locker room and this time she cries, she’s all alone. After what feels like forever the door finally opens up. ”CLARKE”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far?


	4. Uncomfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke spends the night with the grounders.

”CLARKE” she looks up from the ground and she’s actually in chock to see Lexa storming into the locker room. ”Can you hear me?” she’s on the ground with Clarke now holding her face with her hands. ”Clarke?”  
”It hurts Lexa” Is all Clarke can think of ”Please make it stop” She pleads.  
”I’m so sorry this happened to you Clarke, I will make him suffer I promise” Lexa starts calling someone from her phone and yells to them to get here now, also calling 911.  
”I thought you didn't want anything to do with me” Clarke whispers but Lexa does not have time to answer because the room is stormed with a lot of other people. Clarke thinks she hear Raven, also someone screaming and then she thinks she passes out again.

When Clarke wakes up again she’s at the hospital and her mother is crying.  
”Dr.Griffin you can’t treat your own daughter you know that”  
”I know her the best”  
”We know but right now Clarke needs her mother Abby, not dr.Griffin” her mother seems to agree and Clarke coughs to make her mother know she's awake.  
”My baby” she cries holding her face like Lexa had done on the cold floor earlier.  
”I’m okay mom, don't cry”  
”Im so sorry” Clarke tried to hug her mother back but her whole body was in pain. ”Its okay baby you should rest, a lot of people are waiting outside to see you though.”  
”I don't want to see anyone” Clarke didn't want anyone to see her this bad.  
”You rest and I let them know, okay?” Clarke nods and closes her eyes again and hears her mother leave the room.

It does not take long before the door opens up again and Clarke tries to ignore it thinking it might be some nurse or just her mother wanting to be there.  
She feels someone sitting on her bed and she looks up surprised once again to see Lexa.  
”Clarke” her eyes looks sad and full with concern.  
”Lexa, what are you doing here?” Clarke asks.  
”Why did you not tell me he was bothering you? I would have stopped it” Clarke guesses she find her own way to get into her room.  
”He had not been bothering me since today, he eventually figured you didn’t care” Clarke says.  
”I care Clarke, I’m going to fix this”  
”I don’t need your help Lexa” Lexa doesn’t answer her, she stares at Clarks face bringing her hand to softly touch her bruised cheek. ”This will never happen again, I will make sure of that Clarke” her touch feels healing to Clarke and she leans into the touch. ”You don’t have to go through this alone”  
”Are you quoting me now?” Clarke finds her self smirking.  
”Well maybe you had a point” Lexa confesses. ”Just let me take care of this?” she actually asks Clarke.  
”Lexa, am I bad person for wanting him to suffer as much as I did?”  
”No, you’re not Clarke” Lexa takes her hand away from Clarke face and she already misses the touch. ”I’m sorry this happened to you but I got your back now, if someone touch you Clarke they mess with me and no one wants to mess with me”. Lexa stands up.  
”Will you come back?” Clarke asks.  
”If you want me to” Lexa answers.  
”I just…I have’t felt safe in a very long time and then I met you last week” Lexa looked at her with a small smile on her face. ”I kind of need you to come back” Clarke feels so small again but she hit rock bottom already why not try to at least hang on to something that makes her feel a little safer.  
”Then I will be back” Lexa simply says nodding towards the girl and Clarke felt like Lexa didn’t judge her, she actually listened to her. 

***

The week at the hospital was rough but fast. To many crying people, to many questions and to little of Lexa. Clarke was healing fast, the injures was not as bad as the first time Clarke blacked out. Her mother had screamed and fought with the police, Alex was missing. Raven and Octavia spent most of the days with her and Clarke had to tell them that it was not their fault. They felt guilty, Clarke did not blame them. 

Clarke personally just wanted to get out of the hospital and go back to normal. It was absurd but she felt fine, maybe in denial maybe knowing this day would come. She had to many triggered conversations with Alex, she pushed him away further and further and deep down Clarke knew he would react this way. Her body hurt, she could deal with that. The one thing that drove her crazy was Alex missing, she was scared. She never wanted to see him again. 

”Honey” Clarkes mother peeked in through the door. ”You awake?”  
”Yes”  
”I got some great news, you’re getting released today”  
”Why do I have a feeling there’s a but?” Clarke says suspicious since her mother did not seem to cheerful about the news.  
”I have to work night…”  
”I can’t stay in that big house alone mom” Clarke interrupts her mother.  
”Well there was a girl here earlier, Lexa? I think, she told me you knew each other” Clarke looks at her mother questioning.  
”She insisted that you spent the night at her place, she asked for my permission”  
”Why?” Clarke felt confused, Lexa talked to her mother?  
”She’s a grounder Clarke, how do you know her? I don't know about you spending the night with some stranger, especially not a grounder…” her mother spoke.  
”She saved me from him once” Clarke sighs. ”She stood up for me against Alex, that was the first time ever he just walked away…”  
”How long has this been going on, you told me it stopped?” her mother is worried Clarke knows that.  
”I did not want to worry you… I thought it was empty threats” She knew it wasn’t.  
”Clarke.. I can’t loose you to, this mess… we need for it to stop” Her mother mentioning her fathers passing made Clarks eyes tear up.  
”I’m sorry” she whispers.  
”Honey, no this is not your fault” her mother wipes her daughters tears away. ”You hear me?” Clarke only nods and brings her mother in for a hug. ”I love you”  
”Lexa was very sure about this, what do you feel about it?” her mother asks.  
”I trust her, I don’t want to spend the night alone”  
”i could always call Raven or Octavia?” her mother suggests.  
”Its fine”

Abby, Clarks mother is still skeptical against her daughter leaving with the grounder, she was stressed. Her daughter was in the hospital with bruises all over her body. After her husband passed away 5 years ago she drowned herself in work. She knew she spent to little time with Clarke but spending time in the house made her crazy. Working so hard did good for her carrier and it was not long until she was asked to take over as chef at the hospital. That meant long days, many nights and weekends, it was exactly what she wanted.

It was not that she did not wanted to see her daughter more, she loved her more than anything. Clarke had changed to, her mother did not ask and she knew now it was an mistake thinking her 15 year old daughter could handle it on her own. Clarke was an emotional mess and things just kept happening to her. They tell each other everything, mostly over the phone but that was easier for both of them. Clarke reminded her so much of her husband Jake, she saw him in her every time those blue eyes met hers. Always telling her mother not to worry, that she was fine, she will get over it and then asking how her mother felt instead. Putting other people feelings and problems over theirs. 

She made a quiet promise to herself to try and be there more for Clarke. 

***

”Let me take that” Lincoln says taking Clarks bag.  
”Thank you” she suddenly feels very uncomfortable.  
”You ready?” It was Lexa who spoke now and Clarke nods following the two grounders out of the hospital room.  
”You don't have to do this you know” Clarke speaks low to Lexa.  
”I want to” Clarke finds it hard to read Lexa.  
”You don't have to pity me or feel guilty or anything, I can take care of myself”  
”No, its obvious you can’t” Lexa looks at her, Clarke would have take it as an insult if it was not for Lexa’s eyes looking full of emotions staring at the blondes bruises. ”You’re gonna need this” the brunette continues handing her an helmet trying to distract herself from the blonde. Clarke was about to ask but when the elevator doors swing open she could see three more grounder standing outside through the glass walls. All of them leaning on motorbikes smoking cigarettes.

When Lexa gets outside all of the them straightens up, they had so mush respect to her. Clarke was busily eying everything and trying to take it all in. What the hell was going on? She felt like she was living in a drama show, how was it that she was standing with four enormous grounder men and Lexa? Spending the night at their place, Clarke felt more uncomfortable. She tried to distract herself with Lexa small talking to her men, giving them what seemed to be orders and they silently listened. 

”Jump on” she finally says turning to Clarke. Lexa was already on the bike with her helmet on. As Clarke climbed on unsure where to put her hands she felt she must be special. How many people had the chance to ride behind Lexa on a motor cycle? Probably no one. When Lexa kicked started their drive Clarke felt herself being pushed backwards and had no choice but to bring her arms around Lexa’s waist. The brunette didn't seem to care and when they speeded up Clarke moved closer. 

***

”I guess you think its weird I asked you to stay here” Lexa starts talking, she had shown Clarke to a guest room on the second floor in the same house the party had been. Clarke never realized that Lexa lived there, not only her but a few other grounders as well. Clarke only knew the names of Lincoln and Anya. ”Alex is missing” she continued when Clarke did not answer.  
”I know” Clarke took of her jacket.  
”And while he is missing, you’re a staying here” Lexa says as an order.  
”Are you giving me orders?”  
Lexa seemed to think for e seconds before she nods. ”I told you I would take care of it and while he is missing I want you safe.”  
”Okay” Clarke could not shake the feeling of being uncomfortable. ”I don’t know you” Clarke was surprised by her own words.  
”I’m not going to hurt you” Lexa moved closer to where Clarke was standing and looked into her eyes. ”I’m not Alex”  
”He was sweet to me in the beginning to” Clarke looks down on the floor to avoid Lexa’s gaze.  
”I’m not Alex” she repeats herself. ”I’m trying to protect you Clarke, you don't have to trust me yet, but I keep my promises”  
”Dont you have more important things to do?”  
”Clarke, just listen to what I say? I’m done talking about this. Make yourself at home” that was Lexa’s last words before she left Clarke alone in the guest room.

When Clarke was headed down to the kitchen to ask for some tea she found out Lexa was not even there anymore. She spotted the girl named Anya sketching something in her notebook.  
”You’re into art?” Clarke starts the conversation and the girl looks up slightly annoyed.  
”Sort of” she looks down again and Clarke thinks she doesn't want to talk to her. ”You?” Anya says.  
”Yes, well not so much anymore, I used to paint a lot with my dad…” Clarke says.  
”Used to?” Anya asks looking more interested now.  
”He passed away a few years ago” Clarke explains.  
”Sorry, I get it…I lost both of my parents” Clarke sits down next to the girl. ”Lexa is all the family I have left”  
”Wait, you’re sisters?” Clarke says surprised.  
”Yes, she’s my little sister” she laughs a little. ”My little charm troll, she hates that nickname” and Clarke laughs back.  
”I’ll remember that” she says and catch the sketch Anya was working on. ”Its beautiful, you’re very talented”  
”Its the grounders logo, stands for family” she says proud. ”The Grounders are my family now you know, we’re all misfits kids, orphans or runaways” she continues and somehow so much more made sense to Clarke.  
”Thats kind of amazing”  
”It is, so whats your deal?” Anya suddenly asks.  
”What do you mean”  
”Well I never seen my little sister bring home some random girl to live with us and give every grounder order to protect her”  
”I dont know really” she laughs. ”I don’t really know her at all, we talked a few times” Clarke says honest. The thought of Lexa being so protective about her made her feel warm inside.  
”You must made a hella impression then” Anya gasps. ”Lexa don’t show emotion towards no one, she takes cares of the grounders and the grounder business and thats it, you must be really special you know” Clarke smiles at that.  
Changing the subject she remembers to ask for the tea she went downstairs for but Anya who seemed to actually like Clarke insisted they have some beers together. Clarke followed the taller girl to the kitchen where three boys sat talking not interested by the girls who just entered the room. ”Get used to people always being here” Anya spoke while she looked for some beer in the fridge. ”And be nice”  
”Anything else?” Clarke asks catching the beer that was thrown her way.  
”Yeah, you know you look like shit huh?” Clarke is in chock before she lets out a light laugh.  
”I am well aware actually” and Anya laughs.

Clarke had a good time with Anya. She told her about this house being the grounders safe house, some people lived there permanent but the spare guest rooms was always there for grounders to crash on, in this case Clarke. It was an large house, the first time Clarke was there she only spent time on the first floor. The house actually had four floors, the basement, this floor, the second floor with mostly guest rooms and a forth floor that was dedicated to Lexa only. Anya explained that every Heda had lived on that floor, it was tradition.  
”Is Heda always a girl” Clarke asks.  
”No, Lexa is the first one” Anya says proud of her sisters and Clarke is impressed.

Clarke thinks she’s on her fifth beer, maybe? The girls has been talking for hours about everything and nothing, Clarke decides she really likes Anya. She’s very honest, says directly what she thinks and is easy to talk to. The opposite of Lexa. 

The girls laughs loudly when the front doors opens and a surprised Lexa stares at them, Lincoln and two other guys following. All carrying large bags heading towards the basement, Clarke can’t help but wonder whats in them.  
”What are you doing” Lexa does not look pleased.  
”Relax sis, we’re just having a beer” Anya laughs.  
”Clarke needs to rest, she’s wounded” Lexa looks over to Clarke who once again found herself feeling uncomfortable again.  
”You’re so much fun, you know that right?” Anya smirks at her sister.  
”Go to your room” Lexa speaks no expressions and Clarke is surprised when Anya does what she’s told. When Anya is about to go up the stairs she turns around and looks at Clarke.  
”You know, you’re fun for real, thanks for the chat blondie” and then she’s gone.  
”Go to your room Clarke” Lexa now looking at Clarke. ”I’m sorry about Anya.”  
”I actually had a great time” Clarke could tell Lexa was exhausted, dark circles under her eyes.  
”Go to your room” Lexa speaks again.  
”You know I’m not one of your grounders huh? I don’t really take orders from people” Clarke says but still standing up.  
”I know, but you really do need to rest Clarke” Lexa was sincere and Clarke walked up the stairs while Lexa went down to the basement instead.

***

Clarke stared at the wall on her left, she thinks she memorized every inch of this guest room by now. It was pretty small, a pretty large bed in wood, a desk with nothing but an old news paper laying on it and chair that matched the table and a small window on the right wall. There was some color missing on the left wall, in one of the corners.

Clarke wanted to sleep but this room made her crazy, she have not felt this alone in a long time. She was uncomfortable. Twenty different bed positions did not help, counting to 100 did not work either. Clarke felt so small in this bed, she felt anxious and worthless. She felt misplaced, what the hell was she doing here? She does not know this people but she did not want to go home either. Should she go downstairs instead? She feels panicked. It gets hard to breath and she thinks of Alex chocking her and suddenly she stands up running out of the room closing the door behind her. She leans her back on the door trying to get her breathing under control with closed eyes.

When she feels like she’s finally able to breath she opens her eyes and remember she's in the hallway, its quiet and she hopes she did not wake anyone. She looks around and notices the stairs to Lexa’s room and without really thinking about it her feet are making her move up step by step closer to the door. She knocks.

”It should be important” Lexa says from the inside and Clarke opens to find Lexa laying in her bed half asleep. ”Clarke?” she says surprised. ”You okay?”  
”I’m sorry its stupid” Clarke closes the door behind her and Lexa’s about the get up when Clarke motions her to lay down again.  
”Tell me”  
”I just feel alo… I don’t want to…I’m sca…I can’t sleep” Clarke speaks nervous.  
”You can sleep here” Lexa tells her and Clarke freezes on the spot. ”I mean if you want to”  
”I don’t want to…If its okay?” Clarke is shying.  
”Get in” Lexa says and moves a little to make room for Clarke. It was more of a gesture Clarke realize as she gets closer to the king sized bed that probably had room for three more people. She sneaks her body under the blankets and turns around to look at Lexa.  
”Better?” Lexa smiles closing her eyes again.  
”Yes, thank you” Clarke says and then remembers ”My little charm troll” Lexa swears with her eyes still closed. ”I’m going to kill Anya” but she laughs and Clarke loves it.

Clarke still can’t fall asleep, she lays awake and she really wants to be able to sleep but she can’t, she turns around in the bed but in this moment everything hurts. Her body is aching, her eyes stings her face pounds and she wants to cry. She turns her body the different direction from Lexa when she noticing the other girl moving as well. One arm sneaks over Clarks side and she feels Lexa moving closer to her. ”I’m right here” she whispers in Clarks ear. Clarke feels her body stiff before she leans into Lexas body.

Clarks body relax to the sudden contact with the brunette, she feels safe. For the first time this day, in Lexa’s arms Clarke feels comfortable. To the sound of Lexa breathing close to her she falls asleep.


	5. A magic drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke needs a break

When Clarke woke up she was still in Lexa’s arms. The brunette was still asleep and Clarke could not help but to turn her head to look at her. She looked so peaceful and beautiful. The movement seemed to wake her up though and Clarke felt bad.  
”I didn’t mean to wake you” she whispers and green eyes meet blue.  
”It’s okay, did you get any sleep” Lexa says still sleepy.  
”Thanks to you, yes” Clarke says. ”It hurts” she mumbles ”thats why I woke up”  
”Where does it hurt?” Lexa asks now opening her eyes and Clarke hesitates before she lifts her shirt up. Lexa stares at the blue-red mark under Clarks breasts, shirt covering the chest. Lexa’s moves her arm that was around Clarke just a second ago to careful touch the wounded area.  
”I’m so sorry this happened to you” she says while she caresses the bruise, the touch made Clarks body shiver.   
”I kind of knew it would happened again” Clarke says and Lexa’s hand stops moving.  
”Again” She raises an eyebrow.  
”Its not the first time” Clarke turns around so she faces the roof instead of Lexa’s eyes.  
”I’m going to kill him”   
”No you’re not” Clarke looks back and gives the brunette an half smile, it was weird how normal it felt to lay so close to Lexa having this conversation.   
”He is going to pay though, I have men looking for him 24/7” she informs Clarke.  
”Can I ask you something?” Clarke says and Lexa nods.  
”Octavia told me grounder only hangs with grounders and that Lincoln got crap for inviting us to the party”  
”and?” Lexa asks.  
”How comes no one gives you shit for inviting me to stay here?”  
”There was some complains but no one really get to question the heda” Lexa says kind of proud. ”Lincoln is in my inner circle and an opportunity to kick someone out if make some of the grounders selfish”  
”What do you think about it?” Clarke wonders.  
”I will always listen to my people but if they don’t have any reasonable arguments to a subject I wont listen” she simply says. ”Does it still hurt?” she then asks.  
”No not really” Clarke takes her shirt back to normal and turns her body so they're facing each other. Lexa seem to look upset for the loss of touching Clarks body.  
”Thank you Lexa” Clarke says staring into green and the moment feels intense. Lexa moves closer eyes staring at the blonds lips and then back to blue eyes.  
”It’s nothing” she mumbles and Clarke moves closer staring at the brunettes lips. Lexa is the one to close the gap meeting Clarks lips. Lexa is very carful kissing the other girl, its passionate no tongue kiss and Clarke feels amazing. Lexa moves her hand to hold Clarks cheek and when the blonde leans even more into the kiss a knock on the door makes them jump away from each other. Clarke blushing and Lexa looking annoyed.  
”What” she raises her voice and the cute sleepy Lexa was gone.  
”We need to move the…” the man is interrupted by Lexa.  
”Wait, I meet you downstairs get everyone ready Gustus” Lexa yells probably not wanting Clarke to hear what the man named Gustus was about to tell her through the door.  
”Not going to school?” Clarke asks but Lexa is not Lexa anymore she gets up from the bed in a rush seeming to forget the kiss they just shared.  
”I’ll go later” she tells the blonde looking on the floor for some clothes. ”you’re going?” she asks.  
”No, I don't want to show up to school looking like this” Clarke points to her face.  
”I guess I see you later then” Lexa is now fully clothed and reaches for her famous leather jacket and then she was gone.

***

”Have anyone seen my phone” Clarke asks the people sitting in the kitchen later that day, Anya was one of them.   
”Yes I took it last night” Anya simply says going through her pockets to find it.  
”You stole it?” Clarke wonders.  
”No, Lexa told me to take it so we could fix it”  
”What do you mean fix it? Thats why you had beers with me last night?” Clarke asks.   
”No, you don't seem to use your phone a lot because I took it the second you stepped your feet in this house”  
”But why?” Clarke feels annoyed.  
”I had a guy hack it so no one can trace you down, I put some of the grounders number in there as well, a long with Lexa’s” Clarke still don't understand.  
”We can’t risk having you here making any trouble, we have other enemies as well and you are an easy target, it was Lexa’s orders” Clarke sighs and takes her phone back, 17 missed calls and 30 unread messages.  
”Go easy on her” another girl spoke entering the kitchen. ”Niyhla” she says looking at Clarke.  
”Clarke” The calls and texts we’re mostly from Raven and Octavia. The girls had group chat wondering if the grounders killed her and the calls we’re probably for the same reasons. She lets them know she’s fine and will call them later.  
”I know” Niyhla says. ”What Anya here tries to tell you is that everyone that spend some time in this house or around grounders need to hack their phones, it’s only for safety” she smiles.  
”That’s exactly what i said” Anya scoffs.  
”Thanks” Clarke finally look up to meet Niyhala’s face and founds a beautiful blond girl, very attractive. They lock eyes for a second before Anya clears her throat.  
”Am I interrupting anything?” she looks at the blondes and Niyhala shakes her head. ”Great, I called you here for a job not flirting with our house guests” Anya continues and Clarke finds herself blushing.  
”I wasn’t…” Niyhla says before she seems to change her mind ”Who’s hurting?” she asks instead.  
”Your lucky day” Anya smirks and points at Clarke.   
”Wait what?” Clarke says.  
”Lexa called Niyhala, she told me you were in pain” Anya says and Clarke thinks for a seconds before she remember mentioning her pain to Lexa that morning.   
”Its nothing you can do anything about anyway” she turns around to face Niyhla.   
”Don’t be so sure of that, Niyhala is the grounders healer and she knows a trick or two” Anya says.  
”Yes, let me know whats hurting and I will make a magic drink to heal the pain as much as I can” Niyhla explains but winks at the magic part and Clarke nods.

***

Niyhlas magic drink was nothing more special than a homemade tea that Clarke was a little skeptical against. She did not say anything about it and instead thanked for the help. Clarke was kind of surprised Lexa had called in this healer for Clarke, she did not ask for it or even expect the brunette to be able to do anything about the pain. She simply stated thats she woke up because of it and then they started to talk about other things. Speaking of other things, Clarke could not stop thinking about the kiss. Lexa's full swollen lips was treating Clarks lips like she’s never been kissed before. Its was so tender and romantic that Clarke did not know if she ever wanted to kiss any other lips than Lexa’s again.

”Did you finish your tea?” Niyhla joins Clarke in the living room.   
”Yes, thanks again” Clarke looks up while the other girls sits down beside her.  
”What are you watching” she asks looking at the tv.  
”I don’t know I was kind of lost in my mind”  
”Got a lot going on there huh?”   
”Yeah you could say that” Clarke laughs a little.  
”What are you two giggling about?” Anya joins them as well throwing her self in the cough.   
”Clarke has a lot on her mind” Niyhla says and when Clarke is about to say something the front door swings open and Lexa walks in alone. She notices the three girls on the sofa and walks towards them.  
”Everything’s okay?” She looks at Clarke.  
”Well these two have been flirting and giggling all day and blondie here been drinking healing tea while day dreaming about Niyhla” Anya sounds proud of here little summery of their day. ”I think she's okay Lexa” she states.   
”Thats not what….” Anya interrupts Clarke.  
”No need to feel bad about it, Lexa’s into girls as well so there is no judging here” Anya doesn't seem to see her little sisters angry eyes staring at her. ”Hell, even I can do girls sometimes” Anya keeps talking and Lexa looks furious but now its directed to Niyhla.   
”Are you finished?” she asks her and Niyhla finally seem to catch on to Lexa’s stares and only nods. ”Then leave, you have a lot of work to do else where” at that Niyhla stands up to gather her things.  
”Someones grumpy” Anya looks at her sister.  
”Go to school” Lexa speaks and Anya finally understands its not the time for jokes and leaves the two girls.  
”Thats not what happened” Clarke looks up and green eyes meet hers.  
”No need to explain” Lexa sighs.  
”I want to, Anya…”  
”I know how my sister work”  
”Why did you look so angry with Niyhla then?” Clarke asks.  
”I know that girl, she hits on every girl she finds attractive and I don’t want you to be one of her one night stands”  
”and why is that?” Clarke smirks.  
”If you want to go ahead” Lexa looks away from Clarke and it makes the blonde oddly sad.   
”You’re going to school Lexa?” Anya yells running down the stairs.  
”Yeah” And Lexa stands up without facing Clarke and the girls leave with a simply bye from Anya. Clarke wonders why Lexa did not understand her irony, she thought she would catch on but maybe Clarke was completely wrong about Lexa. The brunette made no sense to Clarke and it made her crazy.

***

Clarke was bored, it was only her and another man in the house at the moment. He seemed to be working on something and Clarke did not want to interfere with him. She also started to get mad, mad that Lexa stole her phone. She could of just ask her? She was mad that Lexa was so hard to read. Did she care or was Clarke just her charity work? She did not want think about all this anymore, she needed to get out of this house. She opened the front door and called Raven at the same time.

”FINALLY” the Latina girl answers while Clarke walks further away from the grounders safe house.  
”Sorry its been kind of crazy over here” not really that crazy.  
”Is everything alright? Are they all weirdos? Why did Lexa” Clarke interrupts her before Raven could think of any more questions.  
”Do you want to talk about it over a beer?” she suggests.  
”Hell yeah, you don’t missed a damn thing in school…its killing me how boring it is”  
”Ask Octavia as well?” Clarke ignores Ravens complains about school, we all could relate to it.  
”She's over there with Lincoln, Anya and Lexa… shall I ask them all?”  
”No no no…never mind I need a grounder break you know” Clarke yells in panic. She did actually need some space, wanting to hang out with her friends for a little while after this crazy week.  
”Okaaaaay! Where do we meet?”  
”Meet me at the local bar by the train station near campus?” Raven agreed and they hanged up.

They way to the bar was pretty far and when Clarke arrived Raven already sat inside at one of the tables sipping on a beer. They girls started to talk immediately about the passed day and Raven was very interested to hear more about the grounder lifestyle. Clarke could not tell mush since they did not really tell her anything expect the simple things about them. She did not mention the kiss with Lexa but they laughed about how Anya told about the non-existing flirting with Niyhla and Clarke. At least she did not think they we’re flirting, right? Maybe Lexa was jealous crossed Clarks mind but that could not be it, god Lexa was hard to read.

Octavia joined them a while later when Lincoln had to leave for some grounder trouble. Clarke wanted to ask if Lexa was with him but she did not instead she had to repeat everything Raven and her just spoke about. They had been drinking for some time and Clarke started to feel the alcohol rushing trough her body.

”Your face looks a little better” Octavia says after bringing three new beers to the table.  
”I was pretty bored this afternoon so I played with some make-up, it still looks like someone sat on my face”  
”You still look pretty, any update about that shit ass Alex?” Raven speaks.  
”No, Lexa has some men looking for him though”  
”She’s like your bodyguard” Octavia laughs.  
”And Lincoln’s not yours?” Raven rises her eye brow.   
”No, but with did actually start working out together and he shown me some self defense maybe you should join us sometime Clarke?” she turns to the blonde.  
”That sounds great, I would love it and at the sight of me I kind of need it” Clarke jokes about it and it feels better than being upset about it.  
”I’ll talk to him” Octavia smiles.

Raven scares some younger student away from the pool table after they finish the beer and the girls starts playing. Octavia buys some shots and Clarke feels drunk, she has no idea how long they been at this place. They quickly gets bored of the game so when Bellamy calls to ask if they want to come to a party nearby they leave the bar. 

The walk is not long this time and the sound of music tells them they are at the right place, Bellamy greets them on the sidewalk.  
”Girls, get in we’re playing beer pong come on” he says in a rush talking more about him playing and runs back inside again. The girls takes their time and when inside they look around, it was a lot of people there actually. Most boys gathering around the beer pong, some girls dancing to the music, most people just chilling in different corners or tables talking over the loud music.  
”Sorry” a little blonde boy looks up at Clarke.  
”Who are you?” she smiles, the boy can’t be more than maybe 11.  
”Aden, I just wondered if you know anyone named Clarke?” he asks a little nervous.  
”I’m Clarke, who’s asking?” Clarke feels her body stiff a little.  
”Okay, no just asking” the boy seemed to be stressed by the fact that Clarke was standing in front of him. ”Never mind” he mumbles before he runs away.  
”What the hell was that all about?” Raven asks laughing.  
”Lets hope he's not Alex little runner” Octavia speaks.  
”You think so?” Clarke feels sick.  
”No, its probably nothing maybe it was a truth or dare shit thing or something, he's just a little kid” that could make sense. ”We will not leave your side Clarke” Raven continues and the blonde took e deep breath before the girls headed towards the beer pong.

They played for a while, Raven was incredible good at the game and a lot of the boys wanted to try to beat her. Clarke had fun, she needed this. The last week at the hospital had been shit and last night and this day at the grounders house had been intense. She felt like she could breath and relax her mind for a bit.  
”Clarke is this not your phone?” Octavia ask bringing up an iPhone from the floor.  
”Um yeah it is, must of dropped it” she takes the phone and press the home button. 7 missed calls from Lexa, 1 from Anya and 2 missed calls from names she did not recognize. Texts asking where she was. She sobered up for a second and just when she was about to call Lexa to let her know she was fine five grounders entered the house party. Lexa, Anya, Lincoln, Gustus and one yet nameless man.  
”What the hell?” Bellamy says turning around to realize it was grounders who crashed the party.   
”We’re looking for Clarke” Anya says and Clarke wants to disappear, this was kind of embarrassing. The party had completely stopped and everyone looked confused to what was going on, Clarke moved forward and made herself visible for the grounders. Lexa let out a relieved breath before she went back to her normal Heda face.  
”Let’s go” she says and Clarke don’t want to make a scene, she follows them outside. No one says anything, not even Anya who always chat. Their bikes where parked outside and Lexa gives Clarke the extra helmet before she jumps on it. Clarke puts the helmet on and gets behind Lexa.  
”I was worried” Lexa talks low and only Clarke can hear her, Clarke brings her arms around Lexa’s body and leans her head on the girls back.  
”I’m sorry” she whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I had to wait for a week to get this account I have a lot of finished chapters.  
> So, fast update is a promise!  
> Would love some feedback, leave a comment! :)


	6. Monitoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes back to school.

Once back at the safe house Lexa seemed to be furious, she seemed to gather herself before she spoke to al of them standing in the living room. The guy that Clarke had seen working on something earlier was there and he looked terrified.  
”I gave you all one simple order, I need a man on Clarks side 24/7” she begins.  
”Its okay Lexa” Clarke says, the sudden courage must be the alcohol.  
”Why did you leave without letting anyone know?”  
”I did not know I needed a baby sitter” Clarke spits back but Lexa ignores her looking at the terrified grounder instead.  
”It was your watch, it has not even been one day and you screw up on the first watch”  
”Heda, I am sorry she was watching tv the first second and when I looked back a second later she was gone” he speaks nervous.  
”Thats why you’re not supposed to look away, get out of here” Lexa orderers.  
”How did you even know….” Clarke begins as she watch the man leave the room ”Aden” thats how they knew where she was, how blindly stupid she was. Of course no one just asks for someone without looking for the person.  
”Everyone has been looking for you blondie” Anya finally speaks. ”You scared us and you were just getting drunk”  
”Like I said, how was I supposed to know… you know what? You guys don't need to do this, I can just head home… I mean thanks for everything but this is a little to mush and I am not used to this… I can just take my shit” Clarke rambles while she starts heading towards her guest room wanting to just get out of that awkward gathering they got going on in the kitchen. ”Take my shit and you can go back to” she stumbles a little and she can feel the alcohol not working with her at the moment. Anya laughs at her and is saying something about blond, drunk and falling.  
”You’re staying” Lexa finally stops the girl from talking. ”We already talked about this, go to your room” Clarke wanted to protest but at the same time she just wanted to sleep, she decided she deal with it tomorrow. She begins her trip to the other floor but instead of going to her guest room she walks up one more stair.  
Once in Lexa’s room she stripped out of her clothes, it was a quite mission while drunk. She almost fell over trying to take of her pants and swore to herself. When she finally stood in her underwear she sneaked into Lexa’s bed.   
”What the hell” Lexa mumbled looking at the clothes spread all over the floor, she looked up to find Clarke smiling in her bed and she puzzled the two pieces together. ”This is not your room” the brunette speaks but says it with a playful tone eying Clarks almost naked body.  
”You said to make myself at home” Clarke giggles and Lexa takes of her shirt while looking at Clarke.  
”I did” She stands in her bra unzipping her jeans and Clarke can’t take her eyes of the girl undressing. ”At least you listen to something I say” her pants are now gone.  
”Its pretty hard to listen when all I can focus on is how hot you are” Clarke is so gonna regret this in the morning.  
”Cheesy much?” Lexa smirks climbing into the bed straddling Clarke, skin meeting skin making both girls shiver.  
”I could of said beautiful” the blond suggests and Lexa leans down and Clarks heart raises, she loves this.  
”But you think I’m hot” Lexa smirks brushing her lips on Clarks, Clarke moves her hands to touch Lexa’s sides.  
”Greedy much” Clarke squeezes Lexa’s hips trying to bring her closer and lifts her head up to start kissing the brunettes neck and a light moan leaves the girl.  
”Good night Clarke” the brunette suddenly says and rolls of Clarke.  
”Wait what?” Clarke feels deceived but Lexa just laughs and gets herself under the blankets.  
”You have been a bad girl today, I need to punish you a little” the brunette teases.  
”Come on!” Clarke rolls over to look at other girl in the bed. ”I am punished” Clarke pouts with her lips.  
”When you’re sober you can have some more” the brunette says and turns around but Clarke follows her. ”Clarke” she warns but the blonde moves closer and throws her arm around the brunette. ”We can at least cuddle” she mutters while she gets herself under the blankets as well.   
”I am not a little spoon” she complains while Clarke cuddles behind her, they lay like that for a moment and Clarke feels herself getting more sleepy.  
”Okay turn around” Lexa suddenly says turning around herself. ”I’f you want to cuddle” and Clarke switches in the bed before Lexa brings her arm around the blond. ”I am not a little spoon” she repeats herself.  
”I love being the little spoon” Clarke says satisfied and Lexa lets out an adorable light laugh and leans in to give Clarke a kiss on her cheek. ”Go to sleep” she then mumbles in Clarks neck and the blonde falls asleep quick, safe in Lexa’s hold of her.

***

This morning when Clarke turns around to look at Lexa she does not wake her up, she studies the girls face admiring it. What we’re they doing? Clarke had no idea but she wanted more of Lexa. Her head hurt a little from the drinking last night but other than that she felt pretty fine. She thought she’d be embarrassed or upset when she woke up but waking up in Lexa’s arms only made her think about…Lexa. Not being able to help her self she brings her hand to remove the hair that had fallen in the brunettes face, her hand then caressing Lexa’s side. Clarke catch Lexa smiling and she feel her cheeks getting a little red.  
”Did you even get to wake up before you wanted more, alcohol test please” Lexa jokes.  
”I’m not…” Clarke is kind of speechless before she ads. ”I’m just romantic” and she smiles.  
”Cheesy” Lexa smirks but caressing Clarks side as well.  
”You we’re an ass last night and I still wake up being romantic and you don't even care” Clarke jokes back.  
”You deserved it” Lexa squeeze Clarks side a little making the blond giggle.  
”You we’re the one moaning” Clarke teases. ”I think it was harder for you anyway”  
”Actually, it took a lot of effort to drag my body away from you” Lexa reveals. ”So maybe it was harder for me” she laughs.  
”Doubt it” Clarke sighs leaning closer to kiss the brunette. Lexa’s lips meet Clarke and its Clarke time to let out a moan, she moves her hand from Lexa’s side, following the brunettes curves, sliding over Lexa’s ass and down to her knee where she grabs it to lift Lexa’s leg up over herself. The brunette depend the kiss and follows Clarke movements without breaking the kiss so she straddles the blonde like last night. They kiss passionate with hands all over the place, Lexa a little more careful touch because of Clarks bruises and then Lexa sneaks her tongue in Clarke and the blonde moans again. The kissing stops when Clarks phone starts ringing.   
”Ignore it” Lexa mumbles now kissing Clarks neck while trying to push the blankets away to see more of the blondes body. Clarke ignores it and her hands attack Lexa’s ass squeezing it. The phone does not stop ringing. ”Make it fucking stop” Lexa sighs having trouble breathing and breaks the kiss to look around for Clarks phone. Hands still both on Clarks sides while she glances the room to locate the sound. ”There” Clarke moves her hand from Lexa’s ass to reach her phone to realize its a god damn alarm.  
”A fucking alarm” Clarke swears.  
”Alarm? For what” Lexa asks.  
”I’m going to school today but I don’t mind running late.” she smirks bringing her hand back to Lexa’s ass. Lexa leans in moving her hands to Clarks face and kiss her gently, not rough like a second ago.  
”Get ready, I’ll give you a ride babe” Clarke wants to argue but instead she taunts the girl about the new nickname.  
”Babe?” the blond smirks while the brunette rolls over her body. ”How many people can say Lexa want to drive them to school on her motor bike” Clarke continues when Lexa don’t answer.  
”Probably only you” Lexa answers now standing up, Clarke follows her.  
”Wow, and I’m also a babe” Clarke gets behind Lexa, both girls still in nothing but underwear, she brushes the brunettes hair to the side and kisses her now bare neck. ”You sure you don't want to run late” Lexa’s eyes are closed and she seem to think for a minute.  
”Clarke, don’t make me do it twice I’m trying to do some good and get you to school” Lexa whines.  
Clarke gives Lexa’s ass a little smack, she thinks her new obsession might be Lexa’s ass, and she moves towards the door.  
”Meet you downstairs then” Clarke really woke up on the right side.  
”Clarke where the hell you think you’re going, you’re are practical naked and there is a lot of people downstairs.”  
”I have all my stuff in the guest room, I don’t really care”  
”I do” Lexa is blushing and Clarke thinks its the most adorable sight ever. ”Take this” she throws Clarke an oversized t-shirt. The blonde puts it on a gathers her clothes from last night before she sneaks out Lexa’s room with a see you soon.

***

Clarke gets of the motor bike and gives the spare helmet to Lexa, she tries to fix her clothes a little from the windy ride when she notices how everyone is staring at them. Lexa says something about get used to it, they always stare. Lincoln and Anya is close behind them and Octavia is walking towards them with Raven on her side. She greets Lincoln with a kiss and only nods to Lexa and Anya. This felt like a weird group of people and it was a bit awkward.

”Hey Clarke” someone approaches them and interrupts the weird tension.  
”Niyhla hey” The blond smiles to the girl stopping at the group of people, Lexa is not amused.  
”I just wondered if the tea helped?” Clarke had to think about and realized she had not been in any pain since she drank it.  
”Wait…wow you really do make magic drinks” Clarke lets out and touches her most wounded area under her breast. ”It has not hurt a bit”  
”I’m glad it worked, let me know if you want more” she says pleased by the other girls healing.  
”I will, I don't know how to thank you” Clarke says.  
”A thank you is enough” Lexa joins the conversation.  
”Niyhla I actually need you” Lincoln says and Niyhla moves to the guy so the two of them walks behind the group towards the school, Raven and Octavia slightly in front of them.  
”Who’s that latina girl?” Anya asks Clarke.  
”Raven, she’s my friend, why?” Clarke answers ”Got a crush?” she wants to teas Anya back a little.  
”Who knows” she just smirks before her phone rings and she has to answer.  
”What class do you have?” Lexa wonders looking at blonde, they’re walking in the front of their friends and Clarke can’t help but feel like people are respecting her more. They’re all nodding a little or trying to avoid eye contact, all giving them space as the walk by.  
”Biology”   
”I don’t think any of us has biology” Lexa seems to think and stops walking and everyone that was behind is now catching up.  
”Anya who read biology” she asks her sister both seem to be thinking who they could ask to keep an eye on Clarke, Clarke felt weird about the monitoring but she felt like fighting it was helpless. Might as well make Lexa satisfied and get the 24/7 surveillance.  
”I read the class” a voice make Lexa and Anya turn around, Lexa’s smile is gone as soon as she sees who’s speaking.  
”It’s solved, can I go now” Clarke looks at Lexa but green eyes are staring at Niyhla like she wished she could make people disappear with a stare. ”Yes” she turns around and lock eyes with blue instead and her eyes soften. They stare at each other both unsure what they’re gonna do, Clarke wants to kiss Lexa but don’t know if the other approves of it.  
”That is so awkward, you spend like one night in the same bed and now you’re wondering how to say bye to each other” Anya laughs and everyone looks surprised by the information.  
”Anya” Lexa warns breaking the eye contact with the blond. ”You’re delusional”   
”Whatever you say my little charm troll” Anya laughs even more and Clarke finds herself happy not having a big sister while Lexa gives Anyas arm a smack swearing.  
”Wait what?” Raven finally seems to catch on.  
”I’ll see you later” Clarke whispers to Lexa’s ear giving the girls arm a little squeeze before she runs away from Ravens questions.  
”Wait up” Niyhla yells behind her and the blond slows down so they can walk together, Lexa is not happy about it.

***

Two hours of biology sucked, it was hard to be back at school again. Everybody seemed to whisper and stare at Clarke. It was nice to have Niyhla by her side so she could talk so someone and distract herself from all the gossip. They actually had a lot in common since they both wanted to work at a hospital in the future, Clarks mother were a lot of reason to why she got interested in the first place. After a time Clarke just started to love it and her interest grew in the subject. When the class ended it was already time for lunch and the two blondes walked together to the dining room. Lexa sat at a table far away in the corner and Clarke approached them with an hello.  
”Not now” Lexa doesn't look at Clarke.   
”I just…” Clarke starts speaking but Lexa interrupts her now snapping up to meet blue confused eyes.  
”I said not now” Clarke stiffs at her spot before she just turns around without saying anything more.  
”Don’t let it get to you” Niyhla says as they sit down at another table on the other side of the room.  
”I’m not” Clarke tries.  
”Yes you do, you just have to learn that its always gonna be like that, you never know when its okay to interrupt or not” Niyhla speaks while eating her salad. ”It happens to me all the time”  
”I thought all the grounders…” Clarke stop to think about it.  
”What Heda and her inner circle are talking about is not something the rest of us get to know, I am just the healer, thats were I come in…thats it” she explains. ”People get information when they are needed, or maybe they do something not knowing why”  
”I don’t care” Clarke does care, Lexa had totally ignored her.  
”Whatever you say girl, I am just saying don’t take it personally” Clarke looks up and Niyhla smiles.  
”Thanks” Clarke smiles back.

During their lunch Raven joins them with Bellamy, they have a simple conversation about an upcoming party and the rest of their school day. Clarke looks over to the other side of the room, searching for Lexa but she’s gone with the rest of the grounders. She gets disappointed. She wonder what was so important and she hates that she worries about the brunette. Where they stood she had no idea about, what the hell they were doing she had no explanation to. She liked Lexa and she also seem to worry about her, that she knew. How Lexa felt about Clarke was an unsolved question, alone in her bedroom Lexa seemed to look at Clarke like she was her whole world. The next time she seems to be annoyed by Clarks presence or ignored the blond.

”I wish we could just skip the rest of day” Clarke complains.  
”Hang in there sugar” Niyhla says and Clarke stiffs at the nickname, was she flirting?

The rest of the school day went by pretty fast, she had classes with Octavia and Raven the last period and they always talked to much to make the time go faster. After school they decided to get some coffee, Clarke noticed the grounder following them. She nodded to him and he gave an half smile back, holding distance. The girls enterers the cafe near campus and finds a table in one of the corners.  
”I worry about Lincoln, we’re getting pretty serious, like I really really like him” Octavia sighs looking at her friends. ”But, since lunch today I can’t reach him, I know he’s doing something really big if he can’t even answer a single text” O looks truly upset.  
”Do you think its always gonna be like that?” Clarke asks.  
”Lincoln always tells me its gonna be better, I can tell that he’s trying but its still so much he can’t share” Octavia takes a sip of her coffee and puts her long brown hair behind her ears.  
”Can’t you tell him how you feel about it?” Raven also sips her coffee.  
”I’m afraid I loose him if I push to hard” Clarke can’t help it but her mind is focusing on a brunette with green eyes.   
”Try not to think about” Raven suggests. ”We have that party this weekend that Bell talked about at lunch, maybe we can have a fun girls night”  
”Sounds pretty good actually” Clarke woke up from her thoughts and joins the conversation.  
”And what the hell was Anya talking about earlier?” Raven remembers. ”About you sneaking out of her room, did you have sex with the baddest girls of them all?” she looks at her friend proud.  
”No we did not have sex” Clarke knew she had to talk about this at some point. ”I did not want to sleep alone” she tries.  
”But you totally did something” Raven smirks.  
”Sort of…maybe, I don’t know whats going on actually” and thats the truth.   
”O my god, is both of my best friends falling for grounders, what the hell is going on?” Raven yells and her friends tries to hush the girl. ”We are defiantly going to that party, right now I am to single for this, I need to get laid as well” the three girls laughs at that.

***

When Clarke enters the safe house with her, what she liked to call it, bodyguard named Rufus Anya greets them from the kitchen. She yells something about food in 10 minutes for the hungry. Clarke spots a blond boy drawing in the living room, its Aden.  
”Hi” she sits down beside him and the boy look up nervous again.  
”I’m sorry, it was orders from Heda” he says quiet.  
”Its okay kiddo, what are you drawing?” she looks at the sketch and its same sign Anya shared with her before. ”The grounder sign?” she knows the answer.  
”Yes, Heda says if we can draw it good enough we can put it up at the Grounder bar down town” he looks exited by the fact. ”But I’m not so good” he adds.  
”Everyone can draw, try this, it will make the lines straighter” she shows the boy her tricks her father once thought her.  
”Wow, can’t you help me finish this?” he looks at the blond with a big smile on his face.  
”I can’t do all the work but I can sure tell you a trick or two” the blond smiles back.  
”Hey blondie, dinner is ready and Aden what do you think Lexa feels about you cheating with your drawing” Anya is just smiling at the boy who looks up with a goofy laugh.  
”She is just helping me” he explains.  
”Yeah right kiddo, come on you must be hungry boy get in here” he gets up from his spot and when he passes Anya she makes a mess of his blond hair. ”Come on” he whines and Anya laughs at the boy.  
”And you’re not hungry, you barely had any lunch” Anya looks at Clarke.  
”I had lunch”  
”Mostly chatting and flirting with others blonds if you ask me” Clarke looks surprised at the Anya’s serious stare. ”Don’t hurt my sister Clarke”  
”What the hell are you talking about?” Clarke did not mean to raise her voice. ”I had lunch with three friends since Lexa did not even want to look at me” she continues.  
”Oh, well I have never seen her like this with another girl hell I have never seen her like this with another person at all, if she gets hurt I think she will shut down her emotions completely” she explains ”And you know she does not show much emotion as it is, so just don't fuck this up because if you do, I will hit you in the face” Anya seems to regret her words the second they leave her lips. ”Shit Clarke, I did not mean…”   
”Its okay, can we just eat already” Clarke interrupts Anya and starts walking towards the kitchen.  
”Really that what shitty of me”  
”Well you’re kind of an ass sometimes” Clarke smiles at this and Anya seems to relax a little.  
”okay blondie lets eat” Clarke never had to answer about Lexa and she was for once a little happy about her bruises in her face. What the hell was Anya talking about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about Anya?


	7. Cramped collage room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke visits an old friend

The afternoon was calm and pretty eventless, Clarke spent her time with Aden watching some tv and drawing on his grounder sketch. Lexa had informed her that Aden was an orphan kid who’s father was shot on the local grounder bar six months ago. Anya and her sister took him in and he has lived there ever since. Aden’s mother was no where to be found and as grounders they took care of each other, everyone looked out for the youngest one, Aden.  
”You know I lost my father when I was young to” Clarke states as the two of them are painting, trying to keep it simple.  
”You did” they boy looks up with curiosity in his eyes.  
”Yeah, I was very sad about it, I still am” Clarke meet Aden’s eyes and she gives him an half smile.  
”Do you miss him?” he speaks low.  
”It’s okay to miss someone, I miss my father every day… what about you?”  
”I miss him too” he says pretty sad.  
”Maybe we could draw him something nice to? Ask Lexa if its okay to put it up in the bar as well? Let him know that you think about him”   
”Do you think Lexa would say yes?” he says excited.  
”I doubt she would say no” Clarke smiles back, happy to see Aden’s smile. ”But its almost nine, school night, time for bed kiddo” Aden jumps up almost immediately from the chair and right as he was about to walk away he turns around to give Clarke an hug.   
”Thank you” he whispers and Clarks heart melts, she hugs him back and gives him an quick kiss on the back of his head.

As he run away Clarke decides to make her way to her guest room to get some comfier clothes. As she enters her room she realizes her stuff was no where to be found. ”What the hell” she mutters and starts to look around for her bags but they were gone.  
”ANYA” she yells and she could hear the girl scream back something from her room on the other side.   
”What the fuck are you screaming about?” she asks when Clarke opens her door, the girl sitting on her bed with a computer on her lap.  
”All my shit is gone?” Clarke looks around Anya’s room searching for her things.  
”Well they sure are not her blondie, Lexa had them moved to her floor”  
”Uh, okay” Clarke says confused.  
”Close the door as you leave” Anya says tired not looking back up from her laptop.

Clarke gets to Lexa’s floor and realizes she never really looked around, as you stepped the two extra steps from the door you reached wooden floor and an big bedroom. The kingsize bed was put to the left with dark blankets and maybe to many pillows. The wall straight from the door was covered with large windows facing the backyard that Clarke never visited. It was an beautiful view and Clarke was shocked when she saw the pretty large pool down there. As she moved to the right she entered another room, seemed to be some sort of an office with another door that led to the bathroom. The bathroom was big as well, one shower and one big bathtub, large mirrors and beautiful tile. She was impressed with the furnishings, Lexa had a good taste. As she opened another door thinking it was some sort of cabinet she stumbled in to an walk in closet. ”Wow” she whispers to herself as she looks around. As a girl like Lexa who only wore black jeans, some shirt and her leather jacket she had a lot of clothes. Dresses, colorful shirts, jeans, shoes, bags and all kind of stuff, in one of the corner she found her own bags.

In more comfier clothes she decides to do some homework, relieved to have some time alone. She sat in Lexa’s bed with her computer for an upcoming test, it was getting pretty late and she wondered when Lexa would come back home. When the time was almost midnight her mother called, she was used to the late calls. Clarke was not surprised that her mother did not noticed her daughter had not spent any time in her own bed for days. Clarke explained that she was sleeping at Lexa’s house and her mother apologized for not being home, as always. She did not blame her though, she knew her mother could not spend time at their house. Clarke had suggested selling it but because it was so close to collage and her work, her mother thought they could at least wait until she finished graduating. Her mother wanted to have dinner with her or catch a movie, she would take a day of from work, Clarke just agreed she knew that would not happen. She told her mother not to worry about her and they hanged up. After the phone call she scrolled down Facebook mostly or checked her twitter, she tried some more studying but she was unfocused. Where the hell was Lexa? It was almost two and there was no sign of her. She decides to go to sleep after a while.

Almost one and half hour later the door creaked open and Lexa sneaked in, Clarke could not have slept very deep because she woke up. She had a billion questions and she felt angry. Lexa was quick throwing her clothes on the floor changing into an oversized t-shirt and as soon as she hit the bed Clarke opened her eyes ready to speak. But the brunette looked exhausted, she crawled under the blanket bringing an arm around Clarke and resting her head on Clarks chest with an sight. The green eyes looked at nothing but the dark nothingness, Clarke knew the girl had a long night and just needed to be held like this.  
”I’m here” she whispers and Lexa’s grip of the blond got tighter and she moved even closer if possible, Clarke kissed her forehead and they fell asleep like this. 

***

When Clarke woke up the next day Lexa was already out of bed, she felt very disappointed about the fact as she watched the brunette get ready.  
”Morning” she says with an raspy morning voice and Lexa stiffs in her movements before she looks at Clarke.  
”Hey” she moves to sit on the bed and Clarke rolls over to get closer to the girl.  
”So are you going to school” Clarke tries to be casual but Lexa still has no expressions in her face, almost like when she came home last night.  
”We found Alex” She finally speaks ignoring Clarks question, the blond sits up at the information but can’t seem to find any words. ”It’s over” she takes Clarks hand and tries to make eye contact with her but Clarke is lost in her mind. What the hell happened last night? What did they do to him? What does she mean with its over? The questions was endless. ”Clarke?” Lexa tries to contact the girl and blue eyes finally finds the green ones.  
”Where is he?” is all she can ask.  
”He won’t be coming back, we made sure of that” Lexa speaks calm and Clarke can’t dare to ask the burning question. ”He’s not dead” Lexa seems to read her mind.  
”I need some air” Clarke don’t know why she suddenly feels like she can’t breath, Alex is found and he won’t be coming back. Thats great news? She throws on the nearest clothes and walks around in the room looking for her shoes in a rush.  
”Clarke, whats wrong?” Lexa speaks but the blonde can’t hear her she just need to find her shoes and get out of this room. Under one of Lexa’s sweater that she probably wore yesterday she finds her converse and puts them on quickly. As she is about to leave Lexa is blocking the door.  
”Talk to me” she looks hurt and Clarke hates it but she can’t breath right now and she has no idea why.  
”I’m sorry” its hard to even form those words and then she moves pass Lexa and leaves the room, she’s out of the house in no time.

***  
”Lexa” Raven yells in the school hallway and the brunette turns around along with her sister.  
”Raven right?” Lexa asks giving Octavia an knowing look. ”This is my sister Anya” she informs her.  
”Nice to meet you, I was just wondering if you know where Clarke is?” Lexa stiffs in her position.  
”I thought she was in class with you guys?” Octavia shows her phone telling the other girls she is giving the blond a call.  
”She did not show” Raven looks worried, hating when Clarke was missing. Something bad was always happening when she did. ”I’m gonna go to her house, maybe she’s there” she decides.  
”Yeah I’m coming with you, she’s not picking up her phone” Octavia informs them.  
”We are joining you” Lexa tells them already moving to the exit sign.

Raven and Octavia follow the sisters motor bikes in a car on their short way to Clarks home. It only takes them five minutes in their speed and they meet up on the Clarks front yard.  
”Shit, her car is missing” Raven swears and she tears up.  
”Hey, we’re gonna find her” Anya says comforting the girl.  
”Just got a text from Clarke, she says she’s fine and not to worry about her” Octavia reads her text message out loud.  
”Where the hell is she?” Lexa speaks angry as she puts an cigaret to her lips, Anya gives her fire. As she takes a puff she dials Clarks number but puts the phone down a second later.  
”She turned her fucking phone off” 

***

”Here” Finn says as she brings Clarke her coffee.  
”I’m sorry to just show up like this, I did not know where to go” She sips her coffee, it was still a little to hot. Finn sits down in a chair in front of her along with his own cup of coffee with an worried look.  
”It’s okay, actually I missed you” he says.  
”This is not an, i want to get back together visit, this is just… I could always talk to you, you know” Clarke had been almost running home from the grounders safe house earlier just to get even more panicked by her empty big house. She took her car keys and started driving around for a while before she decided to go visit her ex.   
”It’s all so confusing” she sighs.  
”What happened” he asks bringing an hand through his hair like he did every five second.  
”Alex is not coming back” she informs him, finally being able to realize it herself.  
”Should that not be good news princess?” she hated that nickname but he had used it for years now.  
”It is good news, I got overwhelmed I think… I have been scared to even leave my house, scared walking the school halls alone, scared of going to parties, I have been just so scared” she takes another sip of her coffee. ”How do I go back to not being scared Finn?” she asks.  
”Clarke you have been through a lot, no one can deny that. First you father passing, your mother not being there enough, me cheating on you and then you met that son of a bitch Alex, maybe your having trouble not believing the god news. Or maybe you are scared of something worse coming” Clarke took Finn words in for a moment, this is probably why she choose to go see him. He was always honest and good at dealing with things, that was one of the reasons why she fell in love with him. Clarke always ran from her problems and he would always stop her and make her face it, she thinks it was harder to loose him as an friend more than a boyfriend. She knew both of them had fallen out of love with each other, both to stubborn to break the relationship.   
”Maybe thats why I freaked out this morning, I’m not sure good things can happen to me” Clarke sighs.  
”Well, maybe its time to change that you know? Don’t let the good things in your life scare you away, your an amazing person you know. You deserve happiness to” Finn smiles and Clarke can’t help but smile back.  
”Are you happy?” she asks, truly wanting him to be happy as well.  
”Actually, I think I am… A change in my life did good for me, moving away made me focus on what matters… soccer and school” he is still smiling.  
”I’m glad to hear that and I am sure you will meet one lucky girl one day” she smirks before she adds. ”Just don’t cheat on her”  
”I deserved that one” he laughs and she laughs to, she really had missed Finn to.   
”Thank you for taking your time, I should probably head back” Clarke looks at her phone, she had turned it of to ignore all the calls and texts.  
”Clarke…please call sometimes, your still one of my best friends” he stands up to give Clarke an hug.  
”I will, I just had a hard time talking to you after everything that happened” she hugs him back.  
”Take care Clarke, and if you ever need something, I will always be there for you, okay?”   
”Okay Finn, same goes for you” she takes a last sip from her coffee before she leaves Finns cramped collage room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)


	8. Smooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a party in the grounder house.

When Clarke drives up on the grounders house front yard Lexa sits outside on the porch. She parks her car and walks to sit next to her.  
”I’m sorry” she starts the conversation.  
”Did I do something wrong? I thought this is what you wanted?” she looks back at Clarke, the blonde noticing the brunettes tapping fingers on the wood and takes her hand to calm Lexa’s.  
”It is, I just… Good things never seem to happen to me and I freaked out, I was overwhelmed… its stupid I just don't know how to explain it, you did not do anything wrong I promise” The brunette looks at the yard, like she’s thinking before she speaks again.  
”How about now, how do you feel?” she asks looking back at the blond.  
”I feel like I was an asshole and I should have been more grateful. I couldn’t breath this morning but now when I had time thinking about it, I feel like I can finally breath again, that I been holding my breath since I met Alex and I can… I can finally just breath” Clarke babbles and Lexa lets out a tiny giggle.  
”Whats so funny” the blond asks.  
”You such a poet” The brunette smirks and Clarke bumps Lexa with her shoulder.  
”Ass” she laughs and then they sit in silence for a moment.  
”Don’t disappear like that Clarke”  
”I’m sorry”  
”You freaked us all out, where were you?” Clarke looks away at the question and Lexa seems to notice the blond feeling uncomfortable.  
”I visited a friend” she speaks low.  
”I see” It becomes an awkward silence and Clarke have no idea why. ”What are you gonna do now?” Lexa says probably just wanting to say something to break the silence.  
”Getting my stuff I guess, don’t need to take space here anymore” Clarke says a little sad, she liked being here. The deal was to stay here till Alex was found, Clarke wondered if that had a little effect on her freak out this morning, having to leave the house?  
”You’re not in the way Clarke” Lexa speaks.  
”I’m not?” Clarke don't know what to say, it was silly.  
”I like having you here and you’re welcome to stay, I mean you do sleep in my room so you don’t take any guest room or anything if that’s what you’re worried about. But if you want to go home I get it” Lexa did not want Clarke to go home.  
”I like it here too and you do have an comfy bed” Clarke smiles at the brunette who smiles even wider back.  
”So thats the only thing you like here? My bed?” She teases.  
”Well you do have a very big tv-screen as well” Clarke jokes and it’s Lexa’s turn to bump her shoulder.  
”Ass” she mutters.  
”Maybe one more thing” Clarke says leaning in, placing her hand on Lexa’s cheek and kisses her. ”You always have beer” she jokes again with a goofy smile leaving the brunettes lips and Lexa pushes Clarke away. ”Ass” she says again but she smiles.  
”I’m a very cute ass” Clarke smiles back and leans in to kiss Lexa again, Lexa meets her halfway and deepens the kiss.

***

The next week went by eventless, there was a lot of homework and Clarke spent many hours studying in the school library. Her mother had actually called and they had dinner together, it was nice. They shared their stories and talked about everything and nothing, they both needed it. After the dinner she had not heard that much of her mother though but an effort was always something. Staying at the grounder house was easy as well, Clarke had become friendly with many familiar faces now and they all seemed to like her. She watched tv with Anya sometimes, painted with Aden, she even had a nice microwaved dinner with Gustus. Octavia had start coming over more often now, since Clarke was accepted Lincoln had fought his girlfriends acceptance as well. Clarke was just happy to get to spend more time with her friend. Lexa was mostly gone this week, more than usually. She always came home late when Clarke already was asleep. Sometimes she woke up in the middle of the night to find Lexa’s arms around her but when she woke up the brunette was gone. She spotted her at school sometimes but she seemed to skip the most of her classes recently. Clarke wondered why Anya was so often left behind, she belonged to the inner circle but she never seemed to join them when they went out. She wanted to ask but never really got the opportunity, also Clarke knew not to ask to much. It was getting harder though considering how her brain wanted to explode with questions. The best thing about the week was not being afraid of Alex anymore, Clarke felt like she was finally getting her life back, one step at the time.

”There’s a party here tonight” Anya informs Clarke as soon as she enters the safe house, she drops her bag with school books and is surprised to find Lexa sitting next to her sister in the living room.  
”A party?” she asks as she takes her shoes of.  
”Are you retarded thats what I said, yes a party!” Clarke was getting used to Anya’s way of speaking.  
”Have fun? What do you want me to say” Clarke asks with a smile, Lexa was just staring at her.  
”What do you mean have fun, you need to help me prepare and you need to do something about that” Anya speaks pointing at Clarks hair, face and clothes.  
”I can’t” Clarke sighs ”I need to study”  
”Never” Anya looks at her in chock.  
”You’re not studying Clarke, we want you at the party” Lexa finally speaks.  
”Well speak for yourself sister, you maybe want her there but I fucking need her to help me”  
”Since you’re asking so nice” Clarke said rolling her eyes. ”I’ll think about it” at that she grabbed her bag again and went upstairs. She entered Lexa’s floor and started to look around for something other than jeans to wear.  
”Are you really gonna studying tonight” Lexa enters the room.  
”Are you really gonna be a the party tonight” Clarke turns around while taking her jeans off, Lexa moves closer, her green eyes suddenly looked very hungry.  
”Do you want me to be there” she smirks moving even closer to put her hands on Clarks hips.  
”It is your party right? You kinda have to be there” Clarke gasp as Lexa leans in to kiss Clarks neck.  
”That was not my question and by the way its Anya’s party, I wanted to know if you wanted me to be there” Lexa’s hands were playing with Clarks panties.  
”I have wanted you to be here for a whole week” Clarke says honest while her own hands finally moves to touch Lexa, she sneaks them in under her shirt and squeezes the brunettes sides.  
”Thats what I wanted to hear” Lexa kissed her way from the neck to Clarks lips and the blonde is eager to discover the other with her tongue. Lexa breaks the kiss.  
”So, you’re not studying right?” she asks serious and Clarke just brings her closer and kisses her again. A knock on the door interrupts them, Lexa swears.  
”Hey” Anya walks in and looks at Clarke’s bare legs. ”Don’t say I just walked in on pre-sex” she wines.  
”I’m just changing” Clarke quickly looks for a pair of sweats pant.  
”Lexa is drooling for fucks sake, get a room”  
*This is my room, what the fuck do you want” Lexa says annoyed.  
”I need Clarke and I also need you, also Aden is downstairs he just got home from school and can’t stop asking for the blond hottie over there”  
”Can’t you give us like ten minutes?” Lexa tries and Anya laughs.  
”Ten minutes, are you really that good or do…”  
”GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE” Lexa yells more serious now.  
”Just hurry, come on” Anya seems a little scared of Lexa’s sudden rage and disappears quick.  
”She can be such an ass” Lexa sighs. ”But she gets things done, you ready?” Clarke had just pulled her pants up an nods at the girl.  
”Wait” Clarke sighs, she hated to do this but she felt used. She had not seen Lexa properly in a week and all Lexa wanted to do was to get laid. Was Clarke a toy she kept in her room just to play with when she was bored?  
”What” Lexa turns around.  
”What are we doing?” Clarke had wanted to ask this question for a long time now.  
”I don’t know, Anya has probably some work for us downstairs” Lexa says casually.  
”No, I mean you and me, what are WE doing?”  
”Do we have to label things? I don’t know” Lexa answers making Clarke a little upset.  
”I just don’t like being used” Lexa eyes narrow at this.  
”Clarke do you really think I would waste my time like that? If I wanted a one night stand I would go get a one night stand, its not that hard.”  
”I just, I think I really like you and I am sick of falling for assholes” Clarke speaks afraid of the subject, she did not want to push Lexa away but she needed to say this.  
”Falling?” Lexa says. ”Clarke, listen… I like you to but if you want a normal and easy relationship its not with me, I come with a fucking mess and I can honest say I am not sure that I am what you’re looking for” Lexa seems hurt by her own words.  
”I kind of drawn to the mess, I just don’t like assholes okay?” Clarke says and brings her arms around Lexa’s neck, afraid she might run away otherwise. ”I just want to know I’m not wasting my time here, that you might be a little interested in something more than just someone to spoon with at night” Lexa brings her arms around Clarks back and kisses her.  
”I like you, I don’t know what’s gonna happen, I don’t think much about the future and I don’t really speak much of my emotions but I try to show them instead. You can’t be sure about tomorrow so I live for today you know?” It’s uncommon to hear Lexa speak this much and Clarke loves every word and takes it all in as the brunette finally opens up a little.  
”Well okay, for now I settle with that” she leans in to kiss Lexa but they are soon interrupted again by Anya screaming for them.

***

The party was more crowded this time, a lot more people and not just only grounders. Clarke had learned that they sometimes had smaller gatherings just chilling with their own people and sometimes brought more people into their parties. It was weird too see Lexa this relaxed, they had spent the rest of day together helping Anya, stealing kisses from each other and getting to know more about each other. Lexa was now sitting with some of her men laughing and drinking beer, she actually looked like a 20 years old girl should look like. Young and free. 

Raven was in the kitchen talking with Anya, Clarke had a feeling something was going to happen between the two of them. Octavia where playing beer pong with Lincoln and some other people. Clarke spotted Aden with a beer in his hand, not opened.  
”Not gonna drink that right?” Clarke says stealing the beer.  
”Why not?” he looks up at Clarke.  
”This is not for children you know, you’re still growing and shit” Clarke hands him an cola instead.”Sugar rush is way more fun!” she winks and the boy runs away.

As it gets later the more people seem to join the party, its a lot more crowded and Clarke is glad she made Aden stay in his room and play video games instead of this drunk mess. Clarke glances the room and spots some girls talking with Lexa, immediately she gets jealous. Lexa’s words echoed in her mind, if she wanted a one night stand she could get it. Was Lexa flirting with other girls, had she been with other girls during their time together?  
”You look like a stalker standing here staring at her” A familiar voice make Clarke turn around and she finds Niyhla.  
”I guess I got lost in my mind”  
”Seems to happen to you a lot” Clarke remembers her statement before and lets out a laugh.  
”Yeah, maybe… so whats up?” Clarke asks.  
”No just spotted you and wanted to say hi” she smiles and Clarke smiles back and then Niyhla leaves again. 

Clarke sits down besides Raven and Anya throws her a beer, they played truth or dare with familiar faces.  
”Truth or dare, really?” Clarke opens her beer.  
”Its not the normal truth or dare blondie” Anya smirks. ”Its a little dirtier than that”  
”Spinn the bottle then” Clarke says and Anya does what she’s told.

The game was fun, not really as dirty that Anya had claimed it to be, but Clarke enjoyed it. As they were playing more people came to join them and the game got dirtier with every truth and dare. To Clarks surprise Lexa decided to play as well, she sat on a chair in front of the blonde giving her hungry winks and smiles every time their eyes met.  
”Anya” Clarke smirks when the bottle is pointing at the girl.”Truth or dare?” she asks.  
”Dare blondie” Anya finishes her drink.  
”It’s time for body shots girl, Raven is your target” Clarke is proud of her dare and Anya looks pretty satisfied over it as well. Raven takes her shirt of and lays down, you could tell she was a little bit ashamed. Anya licked Ravens neck and poured some salt on it, the lime was placed in Ravens mouth and the shot prepared in her belly. As Anya licked Ravens neck again, moving her face to take the shot and ending with lime Clarke could not help but to look at Lexa. She wanted to be al over Lexa’s toned body, kissing every inch of her back tattoo, touching every part of Lexa. Damn!  
”Come on stop making out!” someone laughed and Clarke looked up to find Anya and Raven separating smiling at each other, they are so gonna hook up tonight. ”Next!” someone yells and Anya spins the bottle.  
”Truth or dare” she asks a girl with black short hair, piercings in her face, very pretty but not Clarks taste. ”Truth” she says with confident.  
”If you had to sleep with someone in this game, who would it be?” Anya says looking around the room.  
”Thats easy” the girl says. ”I would fuck that blonde over there until she can’t walk for days” the girls says dirty and Clarke looks at her in chock.  
”Someone’s popular today” Anya laughs she must have loved the girls honest answer. Clarke had been a pretty popular target this game.  
”Get the fuck out of my house” Lexa spits out and everybody stops laughing and looks at their heda.  
”It’s a game” Anya tries but Lexa hushes her.  
”Don’t you know how to show some respect? Get the fuck out before I punch you in the face” Lexa is standing up pointing at the front door.  
”I’m sorry Heda, I was just playing the game” the girls confident is long gone and she runs out and Lexa turns to leave herself.  
”I will be right back” Clarke whispers to Raven and follows the brunette upstairs.

Clarke finds Lexa walking back and forth in her room, obviously still furious.  
”Lexa” Clarke whispers and the brunette stops in her spot and turns around to face the blond.  
”Don’t” the girl speaks and Clarke moves closer so they stand in front of each other instead. ”I know I overreacted”  
”It turned me on” Lexa looks up in chock and Clarks blue eyes where filled with desire.  
”You’re not mad?” Clarke smirks and brings her hands around Lexa’s back to push her even closer and leans into kiss her. ”Like I said, it turned me on” she whispers before her lips meets Lexa’s again. Lexa finally seem to get were the other girl wanted and Clarke feels herself being pushed against the wall, of course Lexa wanted to be in control of it. The brunette sneaking her tongue in Clarke mouth and the blond moans. They are both all over the place, hands moving over each other like they never touched before, lips and kisses wherever they could reach. Lexa stops for a second and looks at Clarks button shirt. ”I’ll buy you a knew one” she breathes out before she rips Clarks shirt and the blond could not be more turned on. She wants more of Lexa. The brunette happy with more skin visible to her gets even more eager as well. Clarke shirt still hanging over her shoulder, Lexa kissing Clarks chest while the blonde tries to get the brunettes shirt of as well. It was harder for her and Lexa catch on and laughs a little, she steps back and takes her shirt of by her self. Clarke already misses to contact and moves to enjoy the knew appealing skin on Lexa’s body, her fingers snapping the bra of. ”smooth” she smirks.  
”Did you just say smooth to yourself” the brunette giggles in Clarks neck.  
”I’m totally blaming that on the alcohol” Clarke giggles back before she feels her self being carried up and Lexa moves them to the bed. Clarks back hit the bed and Lexa is straddling her, Lexa’s naked body is beautiful. Clarke feels lucky, Lexa is kissing her and takes Clarke’s bra of as well.  
”smooth” Clarke jokes and Lexa looks up giggling before she lock eyes with the blue for a while.  
”You’re beautiful” she then whispers and leans into kiss the blonde, she takes her time caring for both of Clarks breast before she kisses her way down her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting somewhere now.


	9. Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya is angry

Clarke wakes up the next morning with her legs tangled with Lexa, her head resting on the brunettes bare chest. The blonde smiles, last night had been amazing.  
”Do you think we can stay like this forever” Lexa sighs with her eyes still closed.  
”Who’s cheesy now” Clarke smiles. ”You’re a real softy you know” the irony is real.  
”Maybe I have a soft spot for you” Lexa’s eyes still closed, her hand caressing Clarks arm, her fingers drawing circles on the blonds shoulder. Clarke leaves a sloppy kiss between Lexa’s breast and looks up at the other girl, she’s still half asleep.  
”You make me strong, so that makes you my rock right?” Lexa opens her eyes and watch Clarks face.  
”Whatever you say babe” she smiles.  
”So we complete each other” the blond says happy and leans into steal a morning kiss from Lexa, the brunette kisses her back, deepens the kiss even more while her hands caressing Clarks body. Clarke feels herself getting wet at the touch and starts grinding a little on Lexa’s leg, her hips moving slowly and one hand finding Lexa’s breast while the other hand playing with brown hair.  
”Last night was not enough?” Lexa jokes biting Clarks nipple teasing the girl.  
”Shut up” Clarke moves her body so she for once are straddling the other girl. ”You’re telling me you don’t want this” she says while moving her hips a little, teasing the girl back.  
”Clarke” she moans bringing her hands to Clarks hips, eyes filled with eager and desire but a knock on the door makes her eyes snap to it. ”Fuck” she swears. ”What” she yells.  
”Sorry to wake you Heda but we need you. It’s about the ice nation” Its Lincoln’s voice and Lexa sighs.  
”I’ll be right there, tell Anya I want her to stay here” she yells.  
”She won’t be happy” Lincoln yells back.  
”I don’t care, it’s an order L”  
”As you wish Heda” and Lincoln leaves.  
Clarke who’s still straddling the brunette sighs and rolls over, she knows Lexa has to leave and there is no point in arguing with the fact.  
”We can finish this later” Lexa suggest eyes filled with hope this time.  
”Yeah” Clarke whisper not pretty discreet with her disappointment.  
”Clarke, you know I have to do this, I thought you were fine with it” Lexa still not moving from the bed, not rushing out like she used to.  
”Yes I know, just please… be careful” Clarke looks at Lexa with an concerned look.  
”Always” Lexa leans in to give the girl a last kiss before she leaves the bed to get ready.

***

Clarke makes her way down to the kitchen a little while after Lexa left, finding an swearing Anya making coffee and an oddly tired Raven sitting at the table.  
”You totally hooked up” Clarke makes the girls noticing her.  
”Shut up blondie” Anya’s angry eyes could probably scare someone to death right now.  
”She’s been like this all morning” Raven says with an yawn.  
”She treats me like a fucking baby” Anya mutters. ”I’m fucking older than her”  
”Anything to do with Lexa wanting you to stay here today” Clarke knows she’s walking on thin ice.  
”She wants me here, want to protect me, I can fucking take care of myself” to Clarks surprise the girl just seem to ramble and wants to talk out her anger, the blond takes advantage of it.  
”Don’t you have men to protect you? You always travel in groups I mean” she asks.  
”You can’t be fucking sure of that! What if something happens to Lexa and all I did was sitting in this damn house making coffee” Clarke feels her stomach twist.  
”What do you mean?” she asks nervous.  
”Its not a kids game Clarke, it’s fucking dangerous! Why do you think Lexa always leaves her sister at home, she don’t want me there.” Anya throws some cups on the table and starts pouring coffee. ”She just wants to take care of me, I know but who takes care of her you know?” she spills some coffee on the table but ignores it. ”milk?” she says casually to Raven who only nods. ”I can’t do a shit from here and it drives me crazy” she finally sits down with a sigh looking at the blond who seemed to finally realize that Lexa’s lifestyle was dangerous.  
”I always thought she was protected” she says quiet and takes a cup.  
”You have no idea how many times they come rushing in with blood all over them, Lexa being carried in, Lincoln being stabbed, someone’s been shot… you just never know” the girls seems truly upset and Clarke stomach twist even more, she feels sick. ”The priority is to protect Lexa but things go wrong, and the unknowing is the worst part”  
”That’s why, fuck” Clarke swears.  
”What blondie?” Anya asks.  
”I always wondered why you were not with them, it was because Lexa wanted you safe. It all makes sense now” Clarke looks at Raven who seems to be lost at their conversation.  
”Did I just hear someone say Lincoln being stabbed?” Octavia enters the kitchen with an panic voice.  
”Relax, its old news” And Octavia's shoulders relax and she takes a cup and starts filling it with coffee.  
”Yes blonde, I am the fucking house keeper, when I’m with them you can be sure thats nothing bad is gonna happen. Lexa treats me like a baby”  
”What are you talking about?” O asks. ”Did you spend the night here?” she also asks Raven.  
”They totally did it” Clarke smirks.  
”Speak for yourself blondie, we could her you and Lexa all night” Anya spits back and Clarke can feel her face getting red.  
”Shut up” she chuckles. 

***

The four girls spend the day together doing nothing, Raven and Anya disappeared at one point and came back with obvious smiles on their faces. Aden came to join them as well, he picked an movie and Octavia ordered some pizza. Some other grounders came and went during the day but there was no sign of the inner circle for hours. As the the time ticked away Clarke got more worried, she had totally been ignoring the fact that Lexa actually risked her life when she went out. She could tell Anya was nervous as well, not being able to sit still. 

It was not until late that afternoon the front door opened and Lincoln, Lexa, Gustus and two other men entered the house. They all seemed to be fine but no one was looking over at the people sitting in the living room. They spoke low before they disappeared down to the basement, not a single word to greet the others. Something seemed to be up but Clarke could only think about the fact that Lexa was here and safe, Anya seemed to relax as well.

While Clarke helped Aden with some homework the others continued to watch some reality show on the tv. It probably went one more hour until the grounders came back from the basement, Lincoln greeted Octavia fast pulling her into his lap. The other seemed to get some food from the kitchen and Lexa sat down beside Clarke who had moved back to the couch.  
”I’m so fucking tired” she mutters and brings Clarke into her arms giving the girl a hug.  
”Long day” Clarke states the obvious and the brunette nods in Clarks neck, resting her head on Clarks shoulder.  
”What are we watching?” she asks casually like everything was normal. Well maybe this was her normal.  
”You okay?” Anya asks instead looking at her sister, her anger was all gone and she only looked concerned.  
”Yes” Lexa says looking at her sister giving her an assuring smile. ”But I need to get some sleep” she continues. ”You coming?” she then looks at Clarke.  
”I’ll be there soon” Clarke informs her and the brunette only nods and disappears again.

When the movie ended and everyone went to their rooms Clarke moved her way up Lexa’s. Octavia and Raven staying over tonight as well and Clarke was glad because that meant she had someone to spend her Sunday with considering Lexa probably being gone. Entering Lexa’s floor she saw the brunette already being asleep, Clarke could not help but to adore how cute she looked. She went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and brush her teeth, she then found a large shirt that belongs to Lexa and put it on to sleep in. She moved her way to the bed and crawled in, she closed her eyes and it was not long until Lexa’s arm was around her body.  
”Finally” the brunette mumbles. 

***

Clarke wakes up the next day with Lexa leaving kisses on her face, she giggles and steals a kiss from the brunettes lips.  
”Time to wake up” Lexa smiles.  
”But why? It’s Sunday and I have absolutely nothing to do” Clarke complains.  
”You can do me” Lexa teases and rolls on top of Clarke.  
”Can’t it wait for like…” Lexa kisses her ”what time is it?” Lexa kisses her again.  
”It’s nine” she smiles in her kiss.  
”Come on! How can you even function at this time” Clarke whines but Lexa keeps kissing her neck moving her hips.  
”I can do this all day baby” Lexa’s hand moves to Clarks panties and caresses the blond between her legs. She moves down to kiss the inside of Clarks legs and the blond struggles to talk.  
”Your such a teas”  
”You love it” Lexa smirks as she pull down Clarks panties and exposes the heat between the blonds legs.  
”I love y” Clarke snaps back to reality, shit was she just about to? ”I love this” she quickly says. The slip seemed to go unnoticed to Lexa as the brunettes tongue starts exploring Clarks lower abdomen. The blonde moans while Lexa starts working a rhythm, one finger slides inside and not long after she adds another. ”Fuck” Clarke gasps and Lexa speeds up while her other hand sneaks under Clarks shirt to squeeze her breast. It does not take long for Clarke to reach climax, Lexa keeps her fingers inside moving slowly as Clarke rides out her orgasm.  
”Fuck” she breathes again and Lexa giggles before she moves her body next to Clarks, the blond leans her head on the brunettes chest, still feeling high of the previous event.  
”Now you can go back to sleep” Lexa says proud.  
”I’m gonna sleep so well” the blonde says tired. ”but when I wake up…I’ll make it up to you”

When she wakes up again three hours later Lexa is not in the bed anymore so she jumps in a pair of sweaters still wearing Lexa’s shirt. She moves her way to the kitchen to find Aden making an sandwich and Rufus, the one who had monitoring her once, reading the news.  
”Clarke you want one?” Aden asks nodding at the bread.  
”Yes please!” she smiles.  
”Why did you not ask me?” Rufus asks pretending to be offended.  
”I’m sorry” Aden laughs. ”you want one”  
”It’s okay kiddo, just messing with you” Rufus scoffs turning paper.  
”Thanks” Clarke says as Aden gives her a sandwich and she takes a bite. ”Yum”  
”Your missing out Rufus” Aden says proud.  
”Make me one then” Rufus smiles and the younger boy turns back eager to make another sandwich.  
”Have you seen Octavia, Anya or Raven?” Clarke asks.  
”Raven and O went home, Anya is out with Heda and the others” Rufus informs her.  
”Your not with them today?” Clarke asks taking another bite.  
”Not needed today, me and Gustus got an day off” he says.  
”Want tomatoes on” Aden asks in the background but before Rufus has time to answer three men storms the kitchen.  
”BACK THE FUCK OFF” one of the men screams to Clarke and blonde reaches for Aden and brings him with her back to one of the corners.  
”Bloody hell” Rufus swears. ”how dare you filthy Ice nation crap step inside of this home”  
”DO YOU THINK YOUR LITTLE PLAN WAS GONNA WORK LAST NIGHT?” one of the other men screams hitting the closest chair so it hits the floor. Clarke brings her arms around Aden in panic, what was going on? Should she say something, Clarke could feel Aden crying in her arms and whispers to him that it was gonna be alright.  
”Get the fuck out of here” it all happens so fast one of the men holds Rufus down while the other brings out a knife and stabs him. Rufus screams in pain.  
”Tell Heda, we’re fucking coming for her next!”  
”I should get the fuck out of here if I was you” Gustus says with rage and Clarke freaks out even more when she sees the gun he was pointing towards the three men. ”I should kill you for just threatening Heda” the men from the ice nations backs off with their both hands in the air. As soon as they left the building Gustus came back to check on Rufus.  
”Man, how bad is it” Clarke feels like she’s frozen on her spot, she’s terrified.  
”It’s bad man” Clarke snaps up and sees the blood from the mans shoulder.  
”Help him Clarke” Aden whines and Clarke snaps back to reality.  
”Should I call 911?” she asks.  
”No, no hospitals” Gustus speaks. ”Call Niyhla”  
”That will take to long, give me something to stop the bleeding and do you have like a first aid kit?” Gustus nods and runs out of the kitchen.  
”Aden get out of here, you should not see this” Clarke yells back to the kid and he runs out as well.  
Gustus is back in no time and Clarke orders him to press at the wounded area as she tries to find what she needs. She knew what to do, not only had she practices herself but she had also watched her mother do this a million times.  
”Can you clean it with this” Clarke says to Gustus and hands him infection killing fluid, she finally finds the needle and she turns to Rufus.  
”This might hurt a little” she informs him.  
”Just do it doc” he says obviously already in pain.  
Clarke works fast as the bleeding wont stop, her hands are getting covered with blood and its hard to see what she’s doing. After some struggling she finally manage to get it done and she lets out a sigh. ”It may not leave the nicest scar” she says.  
”Shit Clarke, thank you! I don’t know what we would have done if you were not here” Rufus says honest. ”I don’t care about no scar”  
”Yes Clarke, you did good. Thank you. Let’s get you to bedrest or Heda will kill me, she needs you” Gustus says and brings an arm around Rufus to help the other man walk. When the grounders are gone Clarke sits down on the closest chair, she looks at the mess around the room. There was blood al over the floor, the table and the chair Rufus had sat in, chairs on the floor and stuff laying everywhere along with Aden’s mess he did earlier with the sandwiches. Everything was an mess, Clarks emotions was an mess. She stared down out her bloody hands and noticing Lexa’s shirt being covered in it as well. Was she gonna be mad? Did the Ice Nation just threaten to kill Lexa? Someone just got stabbed? Where was Aden? Clarks mind was all over the place, she felt exhausted but also wide awake. What time was it? She stares at clock, 13:57. She takes a deep breath before she decides to clean the mess.  
”Clarke, I have to go. Rufus is upstairs resting and if there is anything you can ask Timon for help. He stays in the room next to Lincoln” Gustus enterers the kitchen. ”Thanks again” he says in a rush before he leaves again. Clarke sits on the chair staring at nothing, she can’t move. She can’t progress what the hell had just happened. She looks at the time again, 15:03. Had she really been sitting here for an hour? She takes another deep breath and stands up, she starts taking care of the food Aden had picked out of the fridge. Leaving the dishes for later, she cleans the table before she puts it back to its normal place. She cleans the chairs and she cleans the floor, the room starting to look better. When she’s finished with getting all the blood cleaned away she gets back to the dishes. She’s warm and slightly sweaty when she turns to look around in the kitchen, not a stain left. Time, 16:14. She makes her way to the living room where Aden was watching Family Guy.  
”You should get cleaned up” he says.  
”I just need to sit down for a second” she sighs.  
”You don’t look very well, are you okay Clarke” Aden sounds worried.  
”Are you okay kiddo?” she asks instead. ”That was kinda scary right?” she sits besides him the sofa, resting her head on a pillow.  
”Yeah but Rufus told me it was nothing to worry about you know” Clarke understood this was a way to make sure that Aden was unaware of the danger.  
”That’s good news right” Clarks body was aching. ”I think I have to lay down” she says and to her surprise Aden moves to lay in front of her.  
”Lets watch a movie” he says and Clarke agrees, she needed to think about something else.

***

”That’s fucking adorable” Anya whispers to Lexa when they get back to the safe house later that night. They we’re watching an sleeping Clarke with an sleeping Aden in her arms in the living room.  
”She still has blood al over her though” Anya notices and Lexa sighs.  
”Take Aden” Lexa whispers as she moves to the sleeping duo. She carefully touches Clarks cheeks and the blonde wakes up. The brunette moves a little to make space for Anya to carry the boy up. ”You did good today” Anya whispers to Clarke before she makes her way upstairs.  
”Come on, let’s get you to bed as well”  
”I got blood on your shirt” the blonde apologizes.  
”I’ll get you a new one”  
”But it’s yours…”  
”Don’t worry, like I said I’ll get you a new one”

As the girls finally made it to Lexa’s floor the brunette said something about making a bath for the blond. Clarke followed the girl to the bathroom and Lexa started the water before she left the room. The blonde decides to take shower first to wash the blood away, she swears to herself because she did not clean it earlier. When she’s finished the bath is filled with bubbles and water so she stop the water from pouring and steps in. Its warm and relaxing, she sits there for a while with closed eyes. She opens her eyes when she hears Lexa getting into the tub, the brunette monitoring her to come sit in her lap. Since it was an pretty big hot tub it takes Clarke two steps to reach Lexa. The brunette brings her arms around Clarke and the blonde leans her back to Lexa’s naked front.  
”You were brave today” Lexa says quiet close to Clarks ear. ”Are you okay?”  
”I’m not the one who was stabbed” Clarke sighs.  
”No, but it’s not easy to watch either” Lexa leans her head on Clarks shoulder.  
”I’m okay” Clarke is honest.  
”So it did not scare you away?”  
”No”  
”Maybe it should scare you Clarke, I want to lie and say it wont happen again but I can’t promise you that.” Lexa’s fingers are playing with some bubbles, drawing on Clarks arms.  
”I want to be scared Lexa, I want to”  
”You want to be scared?” Lexa asks while Clarke turns around. She moves so she’s straddling the other girl bringing her arms around the brunette.  
”Well, I don’t want to. But it would be easier”  
”That way you would be safe you mean?” Lexa tries to understand.  
”That’s the thing, this might sound crazy but I know that this could be dangerous”  
”It is dangerous Clarke” Green eyes lock with blue.  
”But I have never felt so safe, ever since I met you… I feel safe and I’m not scared” Lexa smiles and Clarke moves closer to kiss the brunette gently. The kiss feels different, it feels like a promise. It’s soft and careful, just pure romantic.  
”So you won’t leave?” Lexa whispers, Clarke hugs the girl and sighs.  
”No, I’m right here”  
”Promise?”  
”I am not leaving Lexa!”  
”Good”  
The girls stay like this for a moment before they move back the bed, both exhausted after the long day. It seemed like this would be the worst thing to happen for a while, like this was a bump on the ride to their happy days. Oh boy how wrong they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far?


	10. Driving me crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke visits her fathers grave.

Clarke woke up as usual in Lexa’s the bed the next day, she rolled over to reach for the other girl but she was gone. Instead she find a note saying: I need to go away for a couple of days, I’ll be back soon, sorry. Clarke sighed and sat up in the bed watching the note one more time, maybe eight more times to be correct. A couple of days, what did that even mean? Was is because of the incident in the kitchen yesterday, the men from the Ice Nation had threatened Lexa. 

The week was more slowly than normal, Clarke went to school, she studied with Raven, worked out with Lincoln and Octavia and she worried about Lexa. There was no sign of Anya, Gustus, Rufus or Lexa. She wanted to ask Lincoln but at the same time she wanted to stay away and not get involved. How could she just leave without even saying goodbye? 

Three days later there was still no sign of the missing grounders, Clarke decided to go to her house instead. To her surprise her mother was there cleaning in the kitchen, she was greeted with a sloppy kiss on her cheek and a warm motherly hug. She realized she had missed her mother.

”Is everything good at Lexa’s place?” her mother asks placing a cup of tea in front of her.  
”I like it there, just wanted to come home for a couple of days” Clarke says reaching for a scone.  
”I’m gonna have to go back to work but maybe we can do dinner this week?” Abby smiles at her daughter.  
”Yes of course, I’m gonna go to my room I kind off missed my bed” Clarke smiles back and takes her tea with her. ”Let me know when you have time for dinner” she yells as she's leaves the kitchen.

Clarks room was pretty big, she had a kingsize bed as well. Her room was brighter than Lexa’s though. She had white blankets with light blue details, she had white walls that was covered with photos and art. She smiled at a photo showing Clarke and her father painting together, she had paint al over her and her father smiled at her with a pencil in his hand. She remember that her father made the mess, life was about having fun, he always told her that. Enjoy the simple things, don’t complicate when its easy and put in work when you have setbacks in life. Clarke missed him so much, she could always talk to him when she was in need and he would never judge or argue with her. He listened and then he gave her advice to deal with it. Maybe visiting his grave would do her good, she’s been lost for some time now. Everything that had happened lately was crazy and she didn’t had time to reflect over it. She lost her father, she lost Finn she lost her self and now she was in some strange relationship with Lexa. She had been with girls before, it had only been some flirts or one night stands before Finn, never like this. Was she even in a relationship with Lexa? She hated the unknowing, there was so much questions marks. Clarke hated when Lexa disappeared, now its been for days and she could not help but wonder if it would always be like this. Was Lexa ever gonna share what she was doing, did she even want to know? How did Octavia deal with it? At least Lincoln was here. God she missed Lexa.

***

It has been a week now and Clarke was starting to get mad, she was angry with Lexa. No calls, no texts just nothing. Was she gonna come back? She wanted to call or write but she didn’t. She skipped her training with Lincoln and ignored her calls from her friends. She had no idea why but she had this feeling that something bad happened and she could not relax. She tried to do her homework but failed, her mind was somewhere else.

”One week” she sighs as she lays the flower on her fathers grave. ”One week dad, its driving me crazy.” It was a sunny day and the graveyard was empty with people expect for an old lady who was standing in front of a gravestone far away. ”I want to be strong, I want to love myself but I always trust my heart with someone else” she feels tears streaming down her face and she wipes them away. ”Why does everybody hurts you or leave you? I can’t be alone dad” she sighs as she tears up again, she takes a deep breath. ”What do I do? Do you think she will hurt me? I don’t want to believe that I really like her but her lifestyle is not easy… I should listen to Raven and just date Wells, he would never treat me bad” she takes another deep breath. ”But you always told me to follow my heart right? And my heart wants more of Lexa… She makes me feel safe, like I’m worth something, like I matter…She helped me forget everything about Alex, I don't think she knows it but she did. Nothing she really said or did, she just cared for me and it worked” Clarke sits in silence for a bit, just staring at the gravestone grieving her father, she wished she could hear his voice. Telling her everything would be alright. ”I think you would tell me to go for it or I would regret i right?” she sighs again, it was frustrating to talk to talk to a grave but it helped at the same time. ”I really miss you”

***

”How long has it been Clarke?” Octavia asks as they enter math class first period.  
”Almost two weeks now” Clarke throws her bag on the table and sits down.  
”She’s coming back, don’t worry” Raven tries.  
”Sure” Clarke opens her text book and pretends to be paying attention to that instead.

The day is eventless, Clarke goes to her classes, she has lunch with Bellamy, she runs in to Nhyla and she studies in the library. She stays in school and finishes her homework and when she’s realizes its almost five she takes her stuffs and starts walking out of the school. As she walks out to the parking lot she sees her. Lexa is leaning on her motor bike with her skinny jeans and leather jacket with some Ray Bans covering her beautiful eyes. Her hair wavy on her shoulders, she looked to good but Clarke was mad. She ignores it and starts walking to her car instead.  
”Wait” she hears the girl yell and Clarke stops at her spot. ”Clarke” she had almost forgot how nice her name rolled out of the girls mouth. ”Where are you going?”  
”Home” Clarke finally turns around to face the girl and she has to fight every urge to throw her arms around her.  
”I have been looking for you, Lincoln tells me you haven’t been staying at the safe house” Lexa seems confused by the fact.  
”Well you weren’t there Lexa, I decided to stay at my place” Clarke wants to scream at the girl, tell her that she has been scared to death for two weeks.  
”I told you, you’re always welcome…where you going now?” Lexa seems nervous, she’s always calm and direct but not now.  
”Home, like I told you”  
”Let me give you a ride?”   
”My car is here” there becomes an awkward silence.  
”I’m sorry Clarke, okay” Lexa finally says and takes of her sunglasses and puts them on her head instead.  
”You we’re gone for two weeks Lexa, are you gonna pretend like it never happened? That I wasn’t worry sick about you? Fuck you!” Clarke still wants to throw her arms around Lexa.  
”I couldn’t help it Clarke, we had to leave in a rush and I didn't know we would be gone for this long. Just come with me to the house and we can talk about it?”  
”I can’t” Clarke looks at the ground, she don’t want to face the girl. She was still mad and she had to remember that. ”We can talk later okay?” she then adds.  
”Okay” Lexa takes her sunglasses back on before she turns around and starts walking towards her bike. She wanted to yell her back, tell her she wanted to go with her, she wanted to kiss her and forget it ever happened. She didn’t, she just turned around herself and jumped in her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback :)


	11. Chocolate Muffin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy invites them to a party

It was weird to walk into history class the next day, Lexa and her grounder were sitting at their usual spot. Raven and Octavia was already there and she greeted them across the room.  
”Hey” she sits down.  
”So your girl is back” Raven smiles.  
”So is yours” Octavia smirks talking about Anya.  
”Yeah I know” Clarke sighs and her phone starts buzzing. ”What time is it?”   
”Class start in 10 minutes” Raven checks her phone for the time and Clarke picks up her phone.  
”Be right back” she says. ”Hey” she answers the phone, she looks back and sees that Lexa is staring at her.  
”Princess, you promised to call” its Finn.  
”I know, there has been a lot going on” she walks out of the classroom ignoring Lexa’s stare.  
”Are you feeling better?” he asks and Clarke smiles.  
”You really do still care about me?” she asks.  
”Always”  
”I been better you know but I’m not complaining though” she says honest.  
”Something do to with Lexa?” he knows her to well.  
”Probably, I don’t even know anymore” she laughs.  
”you should come visit me again, we can do something fun and you could forget about the drama back home for a day”  
”Thats sounds pretty good but my teacher just got here and I have to go, can I call you later?” she starts to walk inside after her teacher.  
”Promise to call this time?” Finn asks.  
”I promise” she hangs up and sits down with her friends again. All the grounders are starting at her this time, what the hell? She ignores it.  
”Who called you this early? mom?” Raven asks looking at Clarke.  
”No.. umm, Finn actually” Clarke whispers.  
”FINN? WHY?” Raven yells and Clarke tries to hush her but its to late, everyone in the class room are staring at them.  
”Quiet please” their teacher says loud and the focus was directed back to professor Jaha instead.  
”Why did Finn call you” Octavia whispers leaning close to Clarke and Raven does the same from her other side.  
”Yeah why” Raven wonder.  
”Just checking on me I guess, we talk sometimes nothing big” Clarke explains.  
”Are you sure he knows that?” Raven whispers this time.  
”He should, I don’t want anything more than maybe a friendship from him.”   
”Thats good because once a cheater always a cheater you know” Octavia whispers.  
”Girls, stop talking and pay attention” Professor Jaha stares at them with an annoyed look.  
”Sorry” Raven yells back and Clarke can’t help to turn around as she meets green eyes staring at her blue. Lexa looked angry.

***

At lunch Clarke greets Octavia and Raven again, they sit with Lincoln in the middle of the dining room and she sits next to Raven.  
”Chocolate muffin Clarke? Can we share?” Raven stares at Clarks pastry with big eyes.  
”If you’re nice!” Clarke stick her tongue out teasing the girl and she doesn’t notice Lexa and Anya approaching them.  
”This seat taken?” Clarke turns to her side and sees Lexa with her tray with food.  
”No” Clarke moves in a little to make more space and Lexa sits next to her, just having the brunette near her made Clarke breath easier.  
”Hey guys!” Bellamy shows up at their table with a goofy smile. ”There is a party tonight, its gonna be lit, wanna come?”   
”Is it close?” Raven asks looking at the boy.  
”Yeah! Come on, Clarke what do you say? It’s Friday!” Clarke stared at her food while thinking.  
”I don’t know, yes I guess?” she looks at Raven and Octavia.  
”Okay brother we’ll swing by” O says.  
”And what about you?” Bellamy looks at Anya, Lincoln and Lexa who looks back at him surprised. Well we all did, maybe he was trying for his sisters sake.  
”Sure man” Lincoln answers.  
”Awesome, see you tonight” and then he was gone.  
”I have to go but I call you later” Raven says as she leans in a gives Clarke a kiss on her cheek and runs away.  
”So a party” Anya says.  
”She fucking stole my chocolate muffin!” Clarke suddenly yells and stares at her tray. ”That sneaky bitch!” she looks disappointed at her friends while they all stare back her with confused looks.  
”Raven stole her muffin” O explains and the table starts laughing.  
”Shut up! I was looking forward to it” Clarke sighs as she stands up bringing her tray with her to trash it, the rest of them followed her move. They all shared the last class together expect for Raven and it started in fifteen minutes.   
”So who’s Finn?” Clarke turns around as she walks a little behind the group and finds Lexa.  
”It’s my ex” she answers and slows down so she can walk next to the girl.  
”Oh” the brunette says and looks down at the floor as she walks.  
”It’s nothing, it’s just a long story” Clarke tries but that doesn’t seem to calm Lexa.  
”It’s never just nothing you know” Lexa looks at her now.  
”In this case, yes, he cheated on me” Clarke sighs ashamed of her dating history.  
”I’m sorry”  
”Don’t be” Clarke smiles at the brunette who smiles back.  
”Are you going to that party tonight… whats his name again?” Lexa seems to think about it.  
”Bellamy? I don’t know really, are you?”  
”If you’re going” Clarke looks at Lexa and is about to answer when she notices red marks around the brunettes neck, she takes Lexa’s arm to stop her from walking.  
”What happened?” she brushes Lexa’s hair away so she can look at it better, she didn’t notice it yesterday. Lexa brings her hand to touch her neck.  
”Nothing to worry about, I’m fine” she meets Clarks gaze. ”I promise, okay?” Clarke carefully touches the area and it sends shivers through Lexa’s body.  
”Does it hurt?” Clarke whispers and Lexa swallows.  
”Not anymore, do you want to come with me to the safe house after school?” Lexa changes the subject.  
”Only if you give me a ride, Raven drove me to school today” Clarke smiles.  
”Of course, you know I missed you right?” Lexa locks eyes with blue.  
”I missed you to” and Clarke wants to hug the girl, to feel the warmth from Lexa’s body but the bell ringing tells them its time for class. As the girls enters the classroom Lexa gives Clarke a brown sack and winks before she approaches the grounders again, Clarke opens the bag and finds a chocolate muffin laying there. She can't help but smile.

*** 

As they reach the safe house later that day Aden greets Clarke with a hug, she picks him up and spins him around. Glad to see him too.  
”Where have you been?” he asks sad.  
”Sorry kiddo, I was just spending some time at my place” Clarke explains.  
”Mean” Anya teases.  
”Very!” Aden laughs. ”I was thinking Clarke”  
”Yeah what?” Clarke sits down on the sofa in the living room that she actually missed a lot.  
”The grounder sign we been working on, what if we paint it like really big” Aden sits down next to her bringing his arms out to show how big he was talking. ”Like on a blanket so its easier to see and maybe we can paint it together, we can make the grounder sign with my fathers name on it”  
”I think your father would love that, sounds like a great idea Aden” Clarke smiles at the excited kid.  
”Thats sound like a good plan” Lexa smiles at the boy.  
”So it’s okay for you Heda?” he looks at her with big eyes.  
”Absolutely”   
”Aden you know it’s time for training soon” Anya bumps down next to the boy. ”You have waited for it and you turn 12 tomorrow”   
”What happens when you’re 12?” Clarke asks confused.  
”You have to be at least 12 to start training as an grounder, I have been waiting for this day since my father died” Aden says proudly.  
”He wouldn't stop talking about it, that’s where the sketch project started” Lexa explains. ”I called Indra and she will come pick you up tomorrow morning” Lexa looks at the blonde boy now.  
”Thank you thank you thank you” he jumps up from the sofa and starts dancing to non-existing music.  
”Why are you so eager” Clarke thinks it sounds absurd to start training a little kid.  
”Revenge” he stops dancing and stares at Clarke with a serious look. ”Revenge for my father” Clarke is speechless she tries to find something to say but its blank.  
”Okay kiddo, you’re freaking her out” Anya laughs and Aden seems to go back to normal and starts his little dance again. ”Come on lets make some dinner” she adds and stands up her self.   
”Everyone missed you here, not just Aden you know” Lexa sits down next to Clarke as Anya and Aden disappears. Clarke doesn’t answer she’s still in chock of their previews conversation. ”You told me you weren’t leaving Clarke” the blond snaps back to reality and watches the brunette instead.  
”What do you mean? I’m right here” Clarke knows what Lexa means deep down.  
”Why did you leave?” Lexa looks at her with an serious look.  
”I was angry okay, first I missed you, then I was worried and then I was just angry with you” Clarke rambles.  
”You didn’t have to leave” Why did it matter so much?   
”I didn’t know what to do here when you weren’t here”   
”Don’t you get it Clarke, you belong here, you’re not just here because of me, you matter to all of us now, we care about you. Everyone was surprised when you weren’t here, not just me” Lexa explains and Clarke takes a moment to take it all in.  
”I care about you all as well, you know that” its more of a whisper but Clarke means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely feedback, I love it :)


	12. You're so gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a pool party.

Fetty Wap was playing out loud in the speakers and the big house was filled with drunk teenagers. There was a DJ on the balcony facing the backyard, it was a typical teenage pool party.  
”I think I hate it” Lexa wines.  
”I totally hate it” Anya states.  
”Give it a chance” Clarke smiles taking her shirt of to show of her blue bikini top.  
”I don’t hate that” Lexa smirks and takes Clarks hand to lead her into the crowded party.  
”You’re so gay” Anya yells behind them but follows as well. They greet Raven standing with Monty and Jasper, the three of them had some classes together, advanced math or something like that.   
”Make it strong” Anya sighs staring at Jasper mixing drinks to all of them.  
”Make them all strong” Raven smirks.  
”You don’t have to ask, he always makes them to strong” Monty laughs.  
Clarke can’t really focus with Lexa’s arms around her, the brunette is whispering sweet nothings to her ear and she’s lost in the moment.  
”Clarke!” a familiar voice yells behind them and everybody turns around. It was Finn walking towards them only wearing a pair of shorts. Being shirtless did him justice with his abs and athletic body, he drags his hand through his long hair as usual, it looks like a scene from Baywatch. Clarke leaves Lexa’s side to give him an hug.  
”Raven girl” he then greets the latina and says hi to Monty and Jasper.  
”Finn…. this is Lexa and Anya” Clarke introduces the grounders and Finns puts on his best smile and shakes their hands.  
”Nice to meet you” he then turns around to Clarke again. ”Surprise!” he says happy.  
”Did Bellamy know you we’re coming?” Clarke is happy to see Finn but it was so awkward with Lexa staring at them with anger in her eyes.  
”Yeah, he told me to keep it a secret so I could surprise everyone” Finn opens a beer and laughs. ”Shit thats Murphy I have to say hi to that asshole” Finn finish his beer a little to quick and runs to chat with his friend, Clarke could tell he was already a little drunk.  
”So thats Finn?” Lexa looks at the boy laughing with Murphy.  
”That’s him” Clarke needs to get Lexa in a good mood, she knew she already hated this party. Clarke starts unzipping her jeans shorts.  
”What are you doing Clarke?” Lexa asks surprised as much as she looks amused.  
”I’m gonna jump in the pool” Clarke is now standing in her bikini and Lexa stares at her with hungry eyes. ”Wanna join me?” Clarke smirks, Lexa had been home for two days already and the blonde missed the girl. They didn't had time to kiss and make up or have some great reunion. Everything was rushed but Lexa had explained everything earlier. She didn’t want to leave without saying anything to Clarke but she didn’t have any time to say good bye. All the grounder had no contact with anyone back home, Lincoln had been clueless as well. She asked for Clarks understanding and the blonde tried. She had to realize this things might happen, Lexa had warned her. 

Lexa takes of her shorts as well laughing a little.  
”Anya watch my jacket” she hands her sister her grounder leather jacket and takes of her shirt and Clarke can’t stop staring at the brunettes toned body.  
”Fuck” she whispers and Lexa takes the blonds hand again to lead the girl closer to the pool, it doesn’t take long until they feel themselves being pushed into the water. Clarke gasps and looks around to see who pushed, Lexa comes up to the surface in chock.  
”That was because you’re so gay” Anya laughs and Ravens stands besides her with a goofy smile.  
”Fuck you” Lexa sighs.  
”High five” Anya turns to Raven and they start laughing again and Clarke can’t help but giggle her self.  
”It’s not funny Clarke” Lexa whines but she smiles now. Clarke brings her arms around the girl and leans in to meet the brunettes lips.   
”Aaaaw come on” Anya complains from the poolside while Clarke whispers something to Lexa’s ear and they separate.   
”Anya you can at least help me up” Clarke brings her hand close to the girl.  
”Do you really think I would fall for that” Anya says proud ignoring Clarks hand.  
”No, but it’s a good distracting” Clarke laughs while Lexa had sneaked up behind Anya and pushes her into the pool. Anya screams in panic and Clarke can’t stop laughing, Lexa pushes Raven as well and the latina swears before she hits the water.  
”Fuck off” both of them wines while Lexa stands there proud of her work.

It turns out to be a fun night, they dance, they drink, play games and drink some more. Lincoln and Octavia had joined them and Lexa and Anya wasn't complaining anymore. Everyone just had a good time. Bellamy and Finn shows up later that night to join the friends and it makes Lexa more laid back and quiet. Clarke sits in the bar with Finn and reminisces about the old days while they take some shots and laughs. The blonde searches for Lexa as they talk about some old school trip and finds her alone walking inside the house. Where was she going? Clarke excuses her to Finn and starts jogging after the brunette.

”LEXA” Clarke yells several times but the other girl doesn’t stop until they’re at the front yard where Lexa’s bike was parked.  
”Shit can’t you hear me” Clarke finally arrives to where Lexa was standing laughing a little out of breath.  
”I’m ignoring it” Clarke immediately stops smiling.  
”Why?” the blonde takes a step closer.  
”I don’t have time for this bullshit Clarke, go hook up with you ex boyfriend or whatever but I’m not staying here to watch it, fuck it you know” Lexa raises her voice and looks angry at Clarke.  
”Don’t fucking do that” Clarke spits and Lexa looks at her chocked.  
”Do what?” she crosses her arms.  
”You can’t be mad at me when I am supposed to be mad at you” Clarke yells.  
”So you are still mad? I thought you understand?” Lexa starts to get angry.  
”You don't fucking get it do you?” Clarke is calm but she’s getting frustrated.  
”Get what?” Green eyes meet blue.  
”You make me so fucking confused I don’t know what the hell you want from me” Clarke takes a break before she continues. ”You disappear for two fucking weeks and I know that you couldn’t help it but I can’t pretend that it didn’t. I was worried about you 24/7 and you come back acting like it was nothing.” Clarke takes a breath. ”I get it okay but can’t you understand me as well? I care about you Lexa like don’t you get it? I don’t want anyone else, especially not Finn, its you!” Lexa relaxes her shoulders a little, she seems to calm herself before she speaks..  
”I don’t know how to deal with it okay? I’m not good at this! I act before I think with you, I get jealous and reckless around you and you…you mess with my emotions.” the brunette sighs. ”What does this mean? What do we do?” Lexa is now speaking calmer as well.  
”We should have some rules or set boundaries” Clarke suggest. ”I need to now what the hell we are doing, I can’t go on like this it’s driving me crazy” Clarke has calmed her self, she needed to get it all out and it seemed to work for her. ”If you want me to stick around I need to know where we stand”   
”So if we’re in a relationship….Would that make it easier?” Lexa asks.  
”I guess” Clarke brings her hair behind her ears trying to buy some time to think. ”If I know we were together at least I know where we stand. And I wouldn't be scared you forget about me when you leave like that” Clarke is surprised by her own words, she didn’t really want to share that.  
”Is that what you thought?” Lexa says concerned. ”I didn’t know…”  
”Thats why I need to know what we are doing Lexa” Clarke gives the brunette an half smile.  
”Well if you want to, I want you to be mine, I kind of already thought you were my girl” The brunette suddenly looks unsure and stares at the ground nervous.  
”Your girl?” Clarke smiles now as she brings her arms around Lexa’s neck.  
”Well yeah” Lexa brings her arms around Clarke as well. ”I forgot to tell you I guess” she chuckles.  
”You really need to start talking to me” Clarke rolls her eyes ”But for your information… I can be your girl Lexa” she smiles playing with Lexa’s brown curls.   
”My girl” Lexa whispers before she leans her forehead on Clarks.  
”Shit” Clarke suddenly laughs interrupting the moment. ”My girlfriend is a fucking badass” Lexa scoffs and tickles the blondes side.  
”You’re wasted, lets get you home” Lexa puts her extra helmet on Clarks head before she puts on her own. ”Hold on”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drama is sneaking up around the corner.  
> Watch out ;)


	13. Pure blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aden turns 12.

Clarke is watching Lexa as she bends over to find some clothes on the floor, the blonde had learned that the brunette used her floor more than her walk in closet.  
”Do you know what I liked about you first?” Clarke rolls over in the bed and Lexa turns her head to watch the girl.  
”No?” Lexa smiles as she sits down on the floor to put on her shoes.  
”Your ass” Clarke smirks.  
”I noticed” Lexa laughs as she stands up again. ”Your hands always finds their way to it” she turns around and wiggles her ass a little before she walks towards the bathroom giggling. Clarke smiles as she yawns and looks at the clock, its almost 11 and she has to get up as well. The grounders where throwing Aden his birthday party at the back yard today and she had promised to help.  
”Do you know what I liked about you?” Lexa gets back into the room, she had put on some perfume and put her hair in a tie.   
”My boobs” Clarke suggest.  
”I liked your eyes, they looked so innocent and pure blue, they’re beautiful” the brunette talks while she leaves the room again to get something from her office.  
”When did you get so romantic?” Clarke laughs a little as Lexa comes back in with a box in her hand, the blond stops smiling. ”You’re leaving?” she sighs.  
”It will be quick, I’ll be back in no time” she assures the girl.  
”What’s in the box?” Clarke knows she won’t get an answer.  
”Nothing you need to worry about” Lexa leaves the box on the small desk by the windows and joins Clarke in the bed.   
”Can I ask you something” Clarke says playing with her hair.  
”Maybe” Lexa lays down to study Clarks face.  
”When the men from the ice nation was here, they threatened you…” Clarke takes a deep breath before she continues. ”Is that’s the reason why you disappeared for almost two weeks?” Lexa blinks a few times and bites her lip before lets out a breath and the she looks deep into Clarks eyes.  
”Yes, we took care of it though, there is nothing to worry about” they both stare into each others eyes. ”I don’t want you involved with the grounder stuff, it’s dangerous” she continues.  
”I worry Lexa, you need to let me in, at least tell me when somethings wrong” Clarke don’t know what to say really, she knows Lexa will probably never open up about what she actually do when she’s gone all the time. Clarke just wants to know if she’s okay, if she’s in danger or just something. She thought she at least deserved that, they were in a relationship right? Lexa should be able to trust Clarke.  
”I’ll try, I just want to try to protect you from it as long as I can” she sighs now facing the roof, Clarke could accept that.

***

Aden gets back from training with Indra and is more excited than Clarke has ever seen him before. He tells her about all the things Indra taught him, some defending tricks that Clarke recognizes from her practice with Lincoln. She still don’t like the idea of him already training for the grounders, he should be a kid. She asked Lexa and Anya about it and they did agree but the rules says that as soon as your twelve you get to start your training if you want to. There was not much they could to about it since Aden had been talking about it since his fathers death, they tried to convince him to wait but he had told them he didn't want to. Indra bragged about the kid as well, telling every one that he was a natural, a fighter just like his father. 

Lincoln was outside grilling hamburgers with Gustus, they we’re drinking beers and talking about some football game. Octavia and Raven was invited as well and they were actually chilling in the pool while drinking margaritas. Clarke didn’t feel like doing it so she was chatting with Niyhla in the kitchen while fixing salad and fries. There where some younger kids here as well, probably Aden’s friends, Clarke had never seen them before. Four older men we’re sitting in the living room drinking whiskey and smoking cigars, Clarke guessed it was Aden’s fathers friends. They looked liked they had lived a rough life with smoking to much and drinking to much. One of the men had a black eye and most of them had scars in their faces, it made Clarke a bit terrified. 

Aden seemed to have a great time with his friends and all the people who came to celebrate him, Lexa had finally showed up as well. Aden was ready to show Heda all he had learned that day and the brunette just smiled and cheered for the boy. Lexa looked so casually eating her burger and drinking her beer while talking with Anya, like a normal teenager. Clarke always enjoyed watching her like this.

”So, honest, what do you think about Lexa?” Clarke looks at Raven and Octavia as they just sat down at a table outside close to the pool side.  
”She don’t really talk that much with us” Raven says taking a bite from her burger.   
”She’s bad ass, Lincoln told me, she literally cat woman” Octavia with a mouthful of fries.  
”What did he tell you?” Clarks eyes widen.   
”Not much really, just that she’s a great fighter” she replies.  
”Are you and Lincoln doing okay?” Clarke asks.  
”Yes, I think I love him girls!” Octavia says with the biggest smile.  
”Cheers to that!” Raven yells and the three girls raises their drinks.  
”What about Lexa, whats up with the two of you?” Octavia asks as she finishes her drink.  
”We’re kind of together” Clarke takes her last bite of her burger, it was a little burnt but it was still good.  
”What? When the hell did this happen?” Raven asks surprised.  
”Last night sort of” Clarke smiles happy to share the news but her two friends don’t really look that cheery. ”what?” she sighs.  
”Just, be careful Clarke” Octavia gives her an half smile.  
”I don’t really know anything about her and I feel like she kind of pushes you around” Raven speaks calm.  
”She gives you orders Clarke” Octavia almost whispers.  
”Fuck you, I’m happy and you have to destroy it fuck” Clarke swears looking angry at her friends.  
”We are just looking out for you Clarke, we’re honest with you.” Octavia tries but Clarke is to angry to listen.  
”She don't give me orders or pushes me around, she cares about me” Clarke spits. ”She’s not Alex”  
”We’re not saying that she is either” Raven sighs. ”Just, don’t let her push you around. You are your own person Clarke” she continues.  
”Fuck the both of you” Clarke stands up. ”This is bullshits” she spits angry before she leaves her two friends.

Clarke is furious, she goes into the kitchen and gets an beer. Raven and Octavia was supposed to be her friends, how could they not support her. Lexa didn’t give her any orders, right? Clarke body stiffs as she thinks about it. She goes to the front yard to get some air and sits down on the porch. Did Lexa push her around? She could be very direct and specific but Clarke never thought about it as negative. Was it? Lexa care about her, she’s not abusive like Alex, right? The blonde became anxious as she felt herself questioning everything. She shakes her head, no, her friends are wrong. 

As Clarke makes her way back inside she spots Aden laughing with the older men in the living room, he sits in one of their laps eating candy. Clarke smiles as she gets to the back yard again, someone had put on some music. She feels two arms around her and she leans into to the touch.  
”Where have you been?” Lexa asks kissing the girl on the cheek.  
”I just needed some air” Clarke closes her eyes and leans the back of her head on Lexa’s shoulder.  
”We’re outside Clarke” Lexa says in a worried tone as she takes Clarks hand and brings her to the sofa near by, they sit down.  
”I had a fight with Raven and O, its nothing” Clarke lets out a sigh.  
”You sure?” Lexa brings her arm around Clarke and once again the blonde rest her head on the brunettes shoulder, Clarke only nods. ”Everything is fine?” Lexa tries again.  
”Yes, don’t worry about me”   
”I worry about you all the time Clarke” its Lexa turn to sigh. Raven and Octavia was so wrong about her, she was so sweet with her. She had never done anything to hurt Clarke, thats whats matters right?

***

”I’m sorry guys” Clarke joins Raven and Octavia in the kitchen later that day. ”I overreacted, I know you just look out for me” she gives them a little smile hoping for the best, her two friends stare at each other before they smile as well.  
”Asshole” Raven smiles.  
”Let’s cheer to that” Octavia raises her glass. ”We’re sorry to” she smiles to Clarke who nods.

The party goes on, considering they started pretty early it was just now getting darker. Everybody seemed to have a good time, Clarke tries to get her friends to talk more to Lexa. They all play a game of poker with Anya, Gustus and Lincoln. She’s not surprised how all the grounders plays dead serious while Clarke and her friends laughs and jokes not really paying much attention to the game. As Clarke gets bored at the game she goes to join Aden who’s playing basket nearby, they had a basketball hoop close to the pool side.

”Had a great birthday kid?” she asks smiling.  
”The best ever” he throws the ball to Clarke smiling.  
”That’s great, I think everyone had a good time” she smiles throwing the ball but misses.  
”You’re bad at this” he laughs and Clarke is about to go get the ball when four strange men enters the back yard.  
”HEDA” he yells loud with a deep voice. ”You seemed to forget to invite me to this little party you got going on here” he scoffs and the rest of the men laughs at that while the man takes out a gun.  
”Isak” Lexa stands up along with Lincoln, Gustus and Anya. ”How dare you to show up like this”  
”Oh… it’s not convenient for you I see” he starts walking looking around a little holding the gun in his hand, playing with it. ”Nice place you got here” he rambles. ”You know whats not convenient for me? You and your reckless little grounders”  
”We solved this” Lexa is firm and direct. ”The Ice Nation got their revenge” she points at Rufus hurt shoulder that Clarke took care of. ”Get the hell of my property”   
”That’s were you’re wrong, the rules has changed Lexa” the tension is getting worse and suddenly Aden jumps up in front of the man called Isak.  
”Go away” Aden spits with rage in his eyes and Isak scoffs again.  
”Aden quiet!” Lexa orders.  
”Why not let the kid speak” Isak smiles looking at the boy, Clarke suddenly feels like she has to do something, the man has a gun. She grabs Aden’s arm and pushes him back so she’s in front of him with her arms around his body, protecting him with her own. ”And who is this” Isak smiles moving closer to Clarke, he caresses Clarks cheek with the gun slowly.  
”Isak, don’t touch her” Lexa is still calm but there is panic in her eyes.  
”Is this your precious girl?” he studies Clarke who can only focus on the gun on her shin. ”I hear rumors about her” he was as muscular as Lincoln, taller. He had ink all over his arms and a beardy face, he was wearing an west where Ice Nation was printed on the back, president on the front. He had to be the Ice nations gang leader Clarke guessed.  
”What do you want?” Lexa is losing her patience and so is Clarke. She doesn’t really think before she takes her right arm to grab the arm that was aiming a gun to her face, she pushes with all her power and Clarke has an advantage as Isak is caught off guard. She takes her left hand to place on his side before she moves her feet to kick the man to the ground, she succeeds. She gets down and puts her knee to his throat and steal the gun, now aiming it to him.  
”Stupid bitch” he spits, she can hear Anya muttering what the hell and Lexa is now by her side.   
”Leave” she takes Clarke hand to help her up and Isak stays on the ground as Lexa points the gun at him. ”Take Aden” she whispers in Clarks ear and the blond does what she’s told. ”You’re gonna regret that” Isak yells angry behind her.  
”Isak, it’s time for you and your men to leave” Lexa speaks offering to help the man up who ignores it to stubborn and gets up by himself.  
”I am here with a warning Heda, as I said the rules has changed. We’re not friendly anymore, I am not agreeing to your demands. The deal is over”   
”We should talk about this another time” Lexa stares at the man as she lowers the gun.  
”There is nothing to talk about, I made up my mind” he starts moving towards his men and as they pass Clarke he gives her the most evil smirk. ”You should keep an extra eye on this beauty” and then they’re gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> dum dum duuuuum.


	14. How do we start?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya shares some stories

Lexa is furious as she yells for the grounders to come join her in the house, Clarke is still in chock of what she had just done.   
”That was incredible stupid!” Lexa turns to Clarke who followed.  
”How did you learn how to do that” Anya says in chock.  
”I guess my training with Lincoln worked out” Clarke speaks low.  
”Training with Lincoln?” Lexa turns to the man and raises her eyebrows.   
”Yeah, she joined me and Octavia a few times” he confesses.  
”You didn’t seem to care to share that?” Lexa starts walking around with her arms cupped behind her back. ”Why did you do that?” she turns to Clarke again.  
”He had a fucking gun in my face, I freaked out!” Clarke starts to get angry, she had just defended herself.  
”I handled it” Lexa speaks while she looks around at everyone in the room. ”I need to talk to the grounders in west side of town” she sighs ”They have no idea what they just started, no one is safe now. We need to move now”   
”Yes Heda” Gustus nods.  
”Anya you stay here with Aden, talk to him, Clarke I need you to stay here as well” She looks at her sister and then to Clarke.  
”Fuck this shit” Clarke mutters before she walks out of the room.  
”Lexa she’s leaving” Rufus yells as he can see the front door slam. 

Clarke walks out in the cold air, Lexa screaming behind her.  
”CLARKE”  
”WAIT”  
”CLARKE!”  
”WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”  
”I’m leaving” the blonde turns around.  
”Where are you going? It’s late” Lexa yells from the porch.  
”Anywhere” Clarke answers turning around again.  
”So every time you’re upset you go visit that friend right? What is it? Do you need dick to feel better?” Clarke stiffs in her position, was she for real? She meets Lexa at the porch in a rush.  
”Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you” Clarke spits, she was furious.  
”What the hell do I know” Lexa spits back.  
”You know what” Clarke lets out a light laugh. ”They were right about you” Clarke leans on a chair staring at the brunette.   
”What are you talking about?” Lexa stares at her curious, unknowing.  
”You pushing me around, you being abusive towards me” Clarke sighs. ”I didn’t want to believe it”  
”Clarke… I’m not” Clarke interrupts Lexa.  
”I don’t want to hear it right now” Clarke starts to once again walk away from the building.  
”It’s not safe out there” Lexa starts walking behind her.  
”I don’t care” Lexa grabs Clarks arm so stop her from moving.  
”I care Clarke” Lexa tries but Clarke tries to walk again while Lexa pulls her back again.  
”You’re hurting me Lexa” Clarke looks at her arm and Lexa immediately lets go.  
”Clarke” Lexa whispers. ”I’m sorry” she looks straight in to Clarks eyes. ”Please stay and I will be back tonight and we can talk about this”  
”I need you now Lexa, not later. I’m upset now” Clarke is tired, she can feel her eyes tear up. Damn it, she didn’t want to cry right now. Lexa doesn’t make it easier as she cups Clarks cheek to wipe the blonde’s tears away. Lexa leans her forehead on Clarks and the blond brings her arm around the brunettes neck, Lexa hugging her back. They both needed, they stay like that for a couple of minutes.   
”Clarke, please stay. At least I know you’re here and with Anya, I don’t want to push you I just ask because I want you safe” Lexa speaks low still arms around the blond who only nods i Lexa’s neck.   
”Okay”

***

It was quiet in the safe house, the party was over long ago and the most grounders had left the building in a rush. Raven and Octavia had helped cleaned up the place, they were worried about Clarke. She had ensured them she was fine and finally convinced them to go home.

Anya had made them some tea and they were sitting in silence in the living room, both lost in their minds. Clarke pulled the blanket she had around her closer to her and sighed, today was an mess.  
”Don’t be mad at her” Anya suddenly speaks staring at the blond.  
”How can I not be? She claimed me for needing dick” Clarke scoffs. ”She pushes me around and…”  
”Everyone could hear the two of you screaming out there” Anya interrupts her.  
”And your telling me not to be mad at her?” The blonde was tired.  
”Have I ever told you about how we even became grounders?” Anya asks and Clarke wonder what that has to do with this but she shakes her head in a no. ”We we’re so young, Lexa was turning eight and I was eleven when it happened.” She puts her tea cup on the table and brings a blanket around herself as well before she continues. ”Lexa was the happiest little kid you know, she brought so much joy to our family” Anya smiles at the memories. ”She really was our family’s little charm troll, that’s why I stuck with the nickname…” she pauses. ”Titus was Heda back then and he took us in when our parents died, that was the day I lost my little sister” Clarke could tell Anya had struggle telling the story and she didn’t push.”She had all this anger and frustration, she trained everyday to become stronger and hide her pain in the workout”  
”She trained to become a grounder?” Clarke takes a sip from her tea, it was soothing.  
”Titus had faith in her, he wanted her to become Heda the second he saw her. It was a good distracting for her and she listened to everything he told her. She was brainwashed if you ask me, every day that passed I lost a little more of my little sister. She became this cold hearted person who didn't really seem to care about anything other than her duty. Titus told her emotions was weakness”  
”What about you, you didn’t train with Titus?” Clarke asks.  
”I wasn’t sure about anything, I was only 11 years old myself. I trained but not as serious as Lexa and only people who wanted to become the next Heda trained with Titus, I had Indra”  
”But it sounds like you didn’t like it?” Clarke liked hearing more about their past.  
”I was scared back then, I thought they we’re dangerous. I begged Lexa to leave with me but she refused, I couldn’t leave without her you know” Anya stares out the window, she seems lost in the story as well, like she re-watches it in her mind. ”I had to take care of her, she was my responsibility, so of course I stayed”  
”What changed your mind?” Clarke asks.  
”Lexa told me to give everyone a chance and I did, I started to love the grounders and see it as my family, the training Clarke… it really helps. Most grounders work out to get their anger out, to forget about something”  
”That’s why Lexa did it?” Clarke asks.  
”I worked out to get my anger out of my system… Lexa seemed to build walls around her self. She didn't let anything go, I saw pain in her eyes everyday…” Anya takes a deep breath. ”She was so broken Clarke and she didn’t seem to function without orders or duty”  
”What do you mean?”  
”She became Heda when she was only fifteen years old, she has lived in her shield for five years. She gives orders, thats what she’s used to. I haven’t seen her laugh since she met you Clarke”  
”Really?” Clarke was surprised by all this information she was getting.  
”I don’t dare say anything to her, I can’t have her back acting like a cold robot. I have been playing a long to make it easier I guess” Anya sighs. ”She’s really trying Clarke, I can tell you that much. Please have patience with her, I beg you. I don’t ask for much but when you came crashing like a fucking saint sent from above I need to ask. You seem to be the only one who can reach my sister and I really want her back Clarke.”  
”I think I’m confused” the blonde scratches her head.  
”It’s a lot to take in I know, long story short… Please have patience with Lexa, she’s trying and she can be an ass sometimes I know. When it comes to you it only gives me hope, it makes me happy” Anya chuckles a little.  
”So she asking me if I need penis to feel better, I should take it as an compliment?” Clarke raises her eye brows.  
”It means that she fucking cares Clarke, she’s confused with all these emotions she’s held back all this time. Everything hits her harder and she can’t control it but she fucking cares” Anya says it as a proud big sister.  
”I’m still confused” Clarke sighs. ” and It seems like you weren’t really happy to grow up as an grounder?”   
”At first I was unsure about it, we are talking at my first weeks here. I missed my parents and I had no control of my little sister. As soon as I gave it a chance I loved growing up here, don’t get me wrong, I would rather have my parents alive but this is my family now you know. I love them all”   
”Has Lexa always held you back when it comes to whatever it is you do?” Clarke wants to know everything. ”Keeping you safe I mean?”  
Anya shakes her head before she pulls up her shirt and points at her big scar under her chest. ”I almost died, It was scary shit”  
”Oh my god” Clarke had no idea.  
”Lexa was a mess, they thought they lost me when some miracle shit happened or whatever and I survived. Since that day she never lets me do anything near that dangerous”  
”I understand why” Clarke agrees.  
”Yeah but now I can’t keep her safe Clarke, thats my frustration”   
”I had no idea about all this” Clarke takes a second to get it all in, it was still all a little bit confusing since Anya wasn't really a good story teller. The story still had so many plot holes but at least it made everything a little bit clearer.   
”Thats why I’m trying to tell you something… I guess Lexa don’t tell you much and you deserve to know. But why do you ask so much questions about me though, you should ask more about Lexa”   
”Lexa’s story is pretty clear Anya, she lost her parents, hide her pain and became Heda. It’s your story that is confusing for me” Clarke chuckles a little.  
”Lets save it for another time blondie, we should get some rest” Anya suddenly jumps up collecting the empty cups from the table.  
”Thank you Anya” Clarke says as she folds the blanket and leaves it on the couch. ”It helped” 

***

It had been a crazy emotional roller coaster the past days and Clarke was exhausted, she was tired. Clarke was laying in Lexa’s dark room trying to process everything, she didn’t know what to do with all this new information. 

Lexa and her had just started their relationship, it was day one and Clarke had a gun to her face, she knocked down The Ice Nations leader, she fought with Lexa and she had Anya telling her all these things. Was Clarke really that special to Lexa? Or was she in an abusive relationship? She was conflicted. She wished the brunette would open up more to her but when she thinks about it, she don’t tell Lexa much about her past either. Did she even mention her father passing?

Clarke rolled over once again in the bed staring at what had became Lexa’s side of the bed, she grabbed her pillow and hugged it. When Lexa was gone she did that because it smelled like her.

Clarke had to figure some shit out.

***

”Clarke” Lexa whispers carefully caressing the girls cheek. ”Wake up” she admires the blond as she slowly wakes up confused.   
”Lexa?” the blonde says with a yawn stretching her body. ”What it is it?” she looks at the time, 07:32.  
”I was thinking…” Lexa starts before she smiles a little shy. ”I took the day off, I have never done that before…” she looks a Clarke with big eyes full with hope. ”We could spend all day together and just talk everything out?”  
’’All day? Really?” Clarke is surprised by the news, she had wanted this for a long time.  
”I’m afraid you’d leave me if I keep pushing you away, I want this to work… give me chance?” she once again stares at the blonde with the look that made Clarks heart melt. She was looking at Clarke with so much emotion, like every part of Lexa was screaming for the blonde.  
”Okay, no interruption, that’s my command” Clarke states as she sits up in the bed and lock eyes with green.  
”I promise, I’m all yours today.” Lexa smiles and Clarke tries to share a smile back but she’s blank. She was clearly still upset about their previous fight and couldn't hide it.  
”Okay… how do we start?” she asks instead and lays down on the bed, this was going to be a long Sunday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from last chapter...
> 
> * Why would I kill off a character I just introduced? ;)  
> *It's not very smart to kill a gang leader
> 
> Maybe it sounds smart but in this story it would have been stupid.  
> (Not trying to be mean just trying to explain haha) :)


	15. Just Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarks sunday

Lexa makes them breakfast in bed, she turns out to be excellent in the kitchen and serves them scrambled eggs with bacon and toast. They eat in silence and find each other staring at the other at times.  
”I’m sorry Clarke, what I said last night…It’s not okay, I can’t really blame it on anything but I was scared…” Lexa suddenly breaks the silence.  
”Scared?” Clarke has struggle finding words.  
”Isak threatened you… He claimed war with the grounders… Aden and…you wanted to leave and I panicked, I didn’t mean it…”  
”Somehow you must of had it in the back of your mind” Clarke spits before she takes a deep breath trying to calm herself, she wanted a calm conversation.  
”I guess… It’s just that you never told me who you went to see that day when we found Alex, you have this ridiculous hot ex-boyfriend and I feel like I’m not good enough for you… that you will get tired of me…” Lexa’s voice are shaking and Clarke can tell she’s speaking the truth.  
”Lexa…You warned me, I’m aware of everything and I still choose to stay with you because I think… I think I’m really falling for you” Clarke sighs and looks up to meet an embarrassed smiling Lexa.  
”I’m here to catch you… If you still want me to” the last words are almost a whisper.  
”I do… I just need you to stop treating me like one of your grounders, I don’t think thats too much to ask” Clarke takes away their plates and changes position in the bed and Lexa follows.  
”I try Clarke… It’s hard to separate you from the others sometimes, since I become Heda thats all I have done for the past years… giving orders and controlling people sort of… I don’t want to do that with you” Lexa plays a little nervous with her hair, Clarke noticed that every time the brunette felt uncomfortable she had to play with something, tap her fingers or not being able to sit still.  
”Good…” Clarke replies and they are silent again for a while before the blonde speaks again. ”It was Finn”  
”Finn?” Lexa looks up confused.  
”I went to see Finn that day, we we’re pretty new and I didn’t want you to think I was still into my ex. That’s why I never said anything…” Lexa stays quiet, she seems to take it all in. ”It’s over between us… We had fallen out of love in our relationship already…But he is on of my best friend and it’s easy to talk to him because he knows me so well… thats why” Clarke continues.  
”Okay… I guess I can’t do much about it even if I don’t like it” Lexa finally speaks.  
”It’s not like we talk that much anyway… I only turn to him when there is no one else”  
”I would like it if you would come to me…talk to me… I want to be the person you turn to” Lexa lock eyes with blue.  
”You shut me out all the time Lexa, you have to run away or you don’t have time…You need to actually be there” Clarke stares into green, Lexa looks insecure and lost. ”I know that it’s not always possible but you could try harder Lexa. If this is going to work I have a few things…”  
”I’ll do whatever you want” Lexa interrupts her, eyes filled with hope this time, honesty.  
”First of all… If something I have done bothers you, talk to me. Don’t scream it in my face like you did last night, it seriously hurt my feelings and I won’t allow it.” Lexa nods. ”Second of all… no more pushing me around, sometimes I will say no and you will just have to take it.”  
”If it’s about you safety?” Lexa asks.  
”Okay, just let me know… and last but not least, loosen up a little”  
”I don’t get it?” Lexa asks confused this time staring at the blonde.  
”I just want you to be young you know, maybe stay up to late, watch the sunset with your girl, laugh more, drink to much or just enjoy the small things in life, don’t be so serious all the time”  
”I’m the Heda”  
”You said whatever I wanted” Clarke insist.  
”Okay… what else?” Lexa grins a little and the blonde looks at her a little surprised, she didn’t know it would be that easy to convince her.  
”I don’t know right now… let me think about it”  
”Can I ask you why? Why do you want me to loosen up? I think I already am?”  
”You can have fun I don’t say that… I just know that you keep so much inside, it’s not healthy. Some small changes will do good for you, at least that’s what I think, it will probably help our relationship a little as well”  
”Okay… so what about we do something spontaneous today?” Lexa suddenly smirks.  
”What do you mean?” Clarke looks at her with big eyes.  
”You want me to relax so why not take the bike and do something random?” Lexa jumps out of the bed in a rush. ”We should get away from here, we need to spend some real time together… take you on a date, buy you dinner and i don’t know…” Lexa rambles and Clarke grins. ”What do you say?” the brunette stares at the blond with a goofy smile.  
”I would love to” Clarke chuckles and gets up from the bed.

It doesn't take long until they’re on the road, Lexa won’t say where they’re going and Clarke don’t mind. It’s nice to see Lexa like this and they did deserve some real time together, maybe thats what they needed? She was still mad about their fight last night but she could tell that Lexa was trying, Clarke wanted to try as well. She was not ready to give up on this, Lexa was still the best thing to happen to her in a long time, she made her happy.

Clarke tightened her grip around the brunettes wrist and just enjoyed the view, they we’re passing by the ocean and she had always find something calming about it. Not long after that they reached the beach and Lexa slowed down, it was totally deserted. They we’re alone there and it seemed like a place that no one ever visited. Clarke had never seen it before and she had lived here all her life.

”What is this place” she says amazed taking her helmet off.  
”Me, Anya and my parents used to visit it all the time… we found it by mistake and fell in love with it” Lexa stares at the ocean while she speaks, smiling. ”It was our place and I still visit it sometimes, it my favorite place… I guess I wanted to show it you” Lexa looks at Clarke now.  
”Thank you for sharing this place with me, it’s really beautiful” the blonde smiles and Lexa stretches out her hand and Clarke takes it.  
”Let’s go for a walk?” Lexa smiles before she lets go of Clarks hand as fast as she took it, before the blonde can say something Lexa takes of her grounder jacket and hangs it on her motorbike. She once again offers her hand to Clarke and the blonde lingers her fingers with the brunette.  
”Today I’m just Lexa” she explains as they start walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! My chapters got deleted and I had to re-write it and it took me some time to get started. I know this is short but I wanted to add a chapter quick because of the long wait...
> 
> Do you think Clarke forgives Lexa to easy?


	16. Voicemail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke get's a voicemail from an old friend...

It was a beautiful sight seeing Lexa at the beach, playing with the water, running around barefoot, staring at the waves. She was completely free and Clarke could not get enough of the sight.  
”I love this place” Clarke says as she approach Lexa who was looking for shells in the sand.  
”I’m glad you like it, I needed this” Lexa says with a big smile on her face. ”I feel like a kid running around like this” she chuckles. ”Sorry!”  
”Don’t be sorry, I love seeing you like this!” Clarke replies as she picks up a shell and inspects it.  
”That’s beautiful” Lexa grabs it and stares at it as well. ”That will due”  
”Due for what?” Clarke asks as Lexa puts it in her pocket.  
”I always take one with me home” she smiles as she steps closer to Clarke and brings her arms around the blonds wrist to bring her closer. ”And that you picked it out will make it more special” she smiles and Clarke leans in to kiss the brunette. Their lips meet and it’s gently and soft, Clarke had missed the feeling. Lexa breaks the kiss to soon and lock eyes with blue.  
”Thank you for giving me another chance” Lexa says as she brush some hair from Clarks face. ”I won’t make the same mistakes again, I will make it up to you. I promise”  
”Thank you” Clarke don’t really know what to say, she has to see it before she believes it but Lexa had really put in effort and she didn’t really doubt the brunette.  
”You’re cold” Lexa brushes both of Clarks arms. ”Let’s go” she smiles as she takes the blondes hand to guide her to the bike.

***

It had been quiet, too quiet and Lexa was stressed about it even if she didn’t want to admit it. They had an amazing Sunday together that ended to soon. Lexa had take her to some Italian restaurant, it was super romantic, they took a walk in the park and went home watching a movie. To be honest they didn’t see much of it since they we’re busy doing other things. Lexa promised her a whole day and Clarke got it and it was amazing. On Monday it was back to normal, they went to school, Lexa was having tons of meetings with grounders. She hadn’t been home much and barely in school but she came home every night and talked to Clarke about her day. Clarke appreciated it, thats what she asked for and Lexa tried her best informing her girlfriend. The blonde did understand that the brunette could not tell her everything, she accepted it but in the end of the week Lexa couldn’t fool her anymore. Clarke could tell it was something wrong that Lexa didn't wanna tell her but she could see it in the brunettes behavior. Actually every grounder seemed to be on their guard, there was more instructions and protection. No one was never to be left alone, always go in pair, don’t visit that area and etc. Clarke had no rules but she knew that Lexa had an extra eye on her, she always took her to school and picked her up when the day was over. She called more often and always asked where the blonde was if she wasn't home. Clarke just liked the attention to be honest and she liked having someone care about her this much, she knew Lexa did. 

The problem was that with Lexa being this stressed it made Clarke worried as well and her problems didn't get any better as she woke up Friday morning listening to her voicemail. 

”Clarke… uum, I don’t know how to start and you probably don’t want to hear this… I will probably get killed for reaching out to you but I have to talk to you. You have to know how sorry I am, I have to make amends… I understand if you don’t want to but I just wished and I beg you to talk to me, I am a changed man and maybe it could do some good for you too… Uum… Please Clarke… oh this is Alex by the way” 

Clarke threw her phone away as soon as she heard the name, she hadn’t recognize the voice at first since she had never heard him speak like that. His voice was filled with so much emotion, not the good kind. He sounded small and needy, miserable. It made Clarke sick to her stomach she had actually managed to forget about him for a while but of course he would destroy that. The worst part about this was that she didn't want Lexa to get involved with this again, she had so much going on and they we’re finally moving forward in their relationship. She didn't want to worry her anymore than she already was, Alex would probably not be stupid enough to come visit her?

”Who was that?” Lexa chuckles entering the room from her office looking at the phone thrown at the floor.  
”I dropped it” Clarke fake smiles as she picks it up.

Nope. She was not involving Lexa, she had to take care about this herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking shorter chapters but faster update? What do you think?
> 
> I knew this was extremely short but sort of like this chapter.


	17. THE MW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a day filled with bad news.

”Wait what?” Raven yells as she drops her fork on her plate.  
”Alex called?” Octavia says in chock staring up from her phone.  
”Please be quiet” Clarke sighs as she looks around in the schools dining room.  
”What did he say?” Raven speaks lower now respecting Clarke.  
”He left me a message, he wants to meet me… something about being sorry I don’t know” Clarke takes her phone out to find the voice message. ”Listen” she says and hands it over to her friends.  
”Omg” Raven says after a while.   
”What did Lexa say, didn't they like scare him away or something she must be furious” Octavia adds.  
”I haven’t told her yet” Clarke says ashamed, she knew she should but she didn’t want to stress Lexa more than she already was.  
”You have to… I mean if she finds out she’s not gonna be happy. Why keep it a secret?” Octavia wonders as Raven hums agreeing.   
”I don’t know, everything that happened with the Ice nation and all… I feel like”  
”She wants to know, you know how much she cares about you” Raven interrupts Clarke.  
”So I should tell her?” Clarke looks at her friends who both nods. ”Okay… I’ll do it tonight”  
”Alex… I still want to punch him in the face you know. How do you feel?” Raven says concerned.  
”Better than I thought, maybe meeting him can give me some closure or some explanation I don’t know… I just feel like I need to end that chapter and to do that I might need to talk to him.”  
”I won’t let you see him alone” Octavia says.  
”Never, if you want to meet him you have to tell us” Raven agrees.  
”I promise” Clarke assures them taking a bite from her chicken.

***  
”Hey babe” Lexa brings her arms around Clarke as she picks out her english text book from her locker, the blonde smiles as she turns around in the brunette arms.  
”Hi” she smiles bringing her arms around Lexa’s neck. ”I didn't knew you went to this school” she says sarcastic.  
”Ha-Ha” Lexa rolls her eyes knowing she’s barely been to school for days and Clarke response with kissing her.   
”Happy you’re here” she says as Lexa brings the blonde closer kissing her again before she lets go of the blonde.  
”Take this” Lexa says as she takes of her grounder jacket.  
”Why?” Clarke chuckles confused.  
”It’s sort of tradition… the jacket symbolize to everyone that your taken… That your my girl you know” Lexa smirks handing the jacket to Clarke. ”It’s quite an honor you know” she adds smiling.  
”Alright” Clarke grins as she takes the jacket and puts it on and Lexa just stares at her.  
”Damn” she sighs. ”You look sexy” she says as she once again brings Clarke in her arms to kiss her.  
”Lexa!” Clarke grins as the brunette grabs the blonds ass. ”We’re in school” she giggles.  
”I don’t care” Lexa grabs Clarks ass with her both hands while kissing the blonde.  
”I don’t think I should take this jacket off” Clarke smiles.  
”I think i might take that off later tonight” Lexa smirks again winking.  
”I have to go to class now but I need to talk to you tonight!” Clarke remembers.   
”I’ll pick you up after school” Lexa smiles still staring at the blonde with hungry eyes.  
”Do you wanna skip class?” Clarke smirks and Lexa’s face in that moment was priceless.  
”Really?” she says chocked.  
”No, I just wanted to see you reaction” Clarke laughs.  
”Mean” Lexa pouts as she backs Clarke against the locker, she leans in slowly and Clarke meets her halfway to kiss the brunette. Just as they’re about to kiss Lexa steps back proud. ”I can teas you to you know” Clarke sighs, Lexa was good.  
”I guess that was fair” Clarke breathes.  
”See you later babe!” Lexa laughs. ”And don’t destroy my jacket” she adds as she walks toward Anya and Clarke looks at the jacket she’s wearing, she looked good.

***

”Gustus you had something you needed to tell us” Lexa says and everyone looks at him instead of Heda.  
”Yes Heda” he answers as he stands up. They we’re having a small meeting in the basement with the inner circle. Lately they had spent more time around this table, there was a lot going on.   
”Speak up then” Lexa says while she stares at him.  
”I have a message from the Ice Nation, they wanted you to know that they’re working with the MW now” Lexa’s stomach twist and the panic hits her hard but it doesn’t show, instead she straightens up looking around the table with no expressions in her face. She had to be the strong one, this was really bad news.  
”How did you receive this message?” She asks looking at Gustus.  
”Some men from MW jumped out of no where and Isak was there to personally deliver it”  
”Wait MW?” Anya suddenly speaks looking at her sister on obvious panic.  
”Yes, the Mount Weather” Lexa answers and she feels bad when Anya zones out looking freaked out.  
”How can someone want to work with the mountain men?” Lincoln spits. ”This is bad news” he sighs.  
***

”Come on Aden, you know this” Clarke tries as Aden stares at the math question.  
”Okay” he says as he sticks his tongue out while he thinks and Clarke found it adorable.  
”If I add this with 4…” as Aden take notes in his text book the inner circle walk into the living room where they studied. Everyone looked defeated expect for Lexa who was still having an intense conversation with Gustus. Anya looked sick and Clarke could not help but to wonder what they talked about.  
”Aden, are finished with your homework?” Lexa asks as she puts her hand on Clarks shoulder.  
”Th answer is 16?” Aden yells happy and Clarke claps her hands.  
”Correct kiddo” she smiles. ”He’s finished” she says as she looks at Lexa.  
”Well you wanted to talk” Lexa says as she helps Clarke get up to her feet. 

As they get to Lexa’s floor the brunette sighs as she immediately takes her clothes of and puts on an oversized t-shirt instead. Clarke does the same and follows Lexa to the bed, the brunette smiles when Clarke lays down and she brings her arms around her. Lexa doesn't say anything, she just plays with Clarks hair with closed eyes.  
”Rough day?” Clarke whispers as she stares at Lexa’s face, she looked tired.  
”Mmmhm…” Lexa complains sneaking her hand under Clarks shirt rubbing the blonds back. ”What did you wanna talk about?”  
”If you’re tired we could talk tomorrow” Clarke suggest, she would rather cuddle with Lexa than giving her bad news.  
”It’s okay, this day can’t get any worse anyway so…”  
”Don’t freak out” Clarke says as she put some hair behind Lexa’s ear. ”Alex called” Lexa opens her eyes confused.  
”He picked the wrong day to fuck with me” she spits as she jumps out of the bed.  
”Lexa” Clarke goes to grab the brunettes arm.  
”I don’t know how he dares to even think about you” Lexa was furious.  
”What are you gonna do?” Clarke yells as she walks behind the girl down the stairs.  
”I’m gonna have a little chat with him!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you have a great holiday!


	18. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets follow Lexa for a moment

”Lexa!” Clarke grabs the brunettes arm to stop her from walking away.  
”Clarke, when the hell did this happen?” Lexa yells as she turns around, she was defiantly angry.  
”Yesterday” Clarke still holds on to Lexa, afraid she leave if she don’t.  
”Why didn't you tell me?” Lexa spits as her eyes narrow.  
”I know it’s been a lot going on lately and I didn't want to add more to your stress, I can handle this myself!” Clarke raises her voice her self now, trying to get Lexa to hear what she has to say.  
”Clarke, this matters to me! No matter how much else is going on” Lexa closes her eyes as she breathes slowly, trying to calm herself down.  
”I know, I should of told you right away. I just want to handle this on my own, I think I need to do it by my self” Clarke tries to explain finally letting go of Lexa’s arm.  
”I don’t want you to see him” Lexa sighs suddenly looking worried.  
”You can’t decide that for me and I talked to Raven and Octavia and they will help me, you need to have some faith in me. I’m not useless”   
”I don’t like it” Lexa is stubborn but Clarke understands why.  
”Trust me” Clarke replies.   
”Why do you even want to see him? Talk to him? He doesn’t deserve it!”   
”I am not doing this for him, i want to do it for me. I don’t expect you to understand, probably no one understands. But I need this, okay?” Clarke gives the girl an half smile trying to ease the tension.  
”Okay” Lexa finally agrees even though every part of her body wanted to disagree. 

***  
”Lex, how are you holding up?” Anya interrupts the brunettes thoughts as they where sitting at the table down the basement waiting for the inner circle to arrive.   
”I’m fine” Lexa stares at her sister, not moving a muscle in her face.  
”The Ice nation working with the MW, I’m scared Lexa. You should be to” Anya says annoyed with her sisters lack of showing emotions. Lexa was terrified, she just didn't want anyone to see it.  
”I am not, you shouldn't be either” Lexa replies cupping her hands at the table straitening up her body.  
”But how do you feel? After what happened…”Anya pauses, not wanting to say the words out loud. ”It brings up so much memories” she says instead, careful with her words.  
”Anya, I don’t want to talk about it” Lexa is now annoyed herself, her sister usually don’t press her like this.  
”You should talk about it Lexa! Damn I feel like I was the only person there sometimes, we should talk about this. I need you for fucks sake!” Anya raises her voice slamming her hands at the table. As always, when things get heated Lexa would take a deep breath and count to ten before she replies, that helped her think clear. But her sister was stepping on her toes with this subject and she was about to loose it.  
”Anya, I can’t okay!” she tries wanting for this conversation to end.  
”Fuck you Lexa, you cannot pretend for this to be a normal grounder issue, like this doesn't get to you!” Anya is now standing up and Lexa follows as she stares angry at her sister.  
”I need to have my fucking emotions under control, don’t you think this is getting to me? No because you see me as your cold ass sister who don’t have any emotions left, is that it?” Lexa was screaming now, Anya got to her nerves.  
”You don’t talk about anything? What the hell am I supposed to think?” Anya fires back.  
”If I let this get to me, I won’t just feel this. Don’t you understand? I will feel fucking everything that I held inside since I was 8 years old” Lexa lets out an ironic laugh. ”That would be nice huh? It will fucking destroy me!” Lexa is not screaming anymore and Anya looks at her like a lost puppy, Anya looked more devastated than ever.  
”Lexa…” Anya steps closer to her little sister, wondering how she could of failed her this bad.   
”Do you wanna know what I am scared of?” Lexa lock eyes with Anya’s eyes that were now starting to tear up. ”Feelings” Lexa admits just as a knock on the door informs the sisters that it was time for the meeting, Lexa could see how Anya wiped her tears away as the others entered the room.

***

Lexa’s favorite moment of every day was to come home to Clarke, that pure moment when she could just relax was when she held the blond girl in her arms at night. They we’re safe. It had been harder to get those moments lately and it was really getting to her. She had been taken them for granted lately and working this hard as she had now made her wonder how she made it before Clarke. Lexa’s mind was exploding, The Ice Nation working with Mount weather was something she would never expect. No one wanted to work with the MW, everyone was disgusted with their dirty ways and ugly game. They had never played fair, they we’re ruthless and reckless and that was the scary part. They could do anything and have no care in the world of who they hurt on the way of doing so, Lexa had seen it herself. She didn't want to repeat history and she had to act on this fast. The Ice Nation and the MW wanted a fight, they had given them a time and a day. Lexa knew that had to be Isak, if it would have been just the MW they would have turned up and just stormed them unprepared. First she didn't want to do it but she knew she could not drag this out, it would just get worse so they just had a vote and agreed to fight back. 

That meant she had to gather a big meeting some day soon, she needed everyone for this, they we’re twice as many people but Lexa knew her grounders are more trained and stronger. They had a chance and Lexa was not ready to loose. She would gladly see all of them bleed after what the MW did. 

Lexa sighs as she reaches her floor, her body was aching, she had been up since five and it was now passed midnight. Even after the day she had, wrapping her arms around Clarke made her smile. It was because of the blonde not even knowing how much she adored it that made it her favorite moment, she was just there every night. She didn't leave even though Lexa knew she had made so many mistakes with Clarke. She was still there.

***

Clarke slams her locker as she laughs at some random rambling from Raven, it was now Friday and the latina begged her to come with her to some party.  
”I don’t know Rae” Clarke brings her arm around her friend as they walk down the hallway. ”It sounds fun but I’m not sure I feel like partying” she explains knowing Raven would keep on nag about it.  
”Come on! You and O can’t just leave me because you have relationships now” Raven whines. ”I thought you we’re supposed to be my friends!” Everything Raven just said went in and out as she spots Lexa whispering with some girl in the classroom, the brunette doesn’t see her. ”Are you even listening, oh my god Clarke! It’s just a party, we don’t have to be there for too long!” Raven continues.  
”Who is that?” Clarke whispers instead not answering Ravens complains and her friend stares at where Clarke were discreetly pointing.  
”Whoa” Raven says surprised. ”That’s Lexa’s ex, Costia!”  
”Wait Lexa had an girlfriend?” Clarke says surprised staring at her friend confused feeling slightly in a bad mood suddenly.  
”Tell me that you come to this party tonight and maybe I will considering answering your questions” Raven smirks happy with was she came up with.  
”Okay, I’ll go to that stupid party! Now tell me, who the fuck is Costia?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you like this story


	19. Cheating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke are bad with communication.

”So when are you planning to talk to Alex?” Raven asks as she hands Clarke a beer, they had just got to the party and it was already a lot of people there. The music was loud and there was a lot of Clarks classmates there, she was actually glad she agreed to go.  
”Fuck, I don’t know… One second I want to talk to him and the other second it just send me shivers trough my whole body to think about him” Clarke sighs as she opens the beer and takes her first sip, it tasted good.  
”I get it but like you said I think it would be good for you to talk to him” Raven speaks as she starts walking towards the living room, Clarke follows.  
”Yeah, maybe this weekend. Today I’m her for drinking!” Clarke force a laugh trying to change the subject.  
”Party Griffin, whats up!” Octavia yells behind them hearing what the blond just said, Clarke greets her with a hug and Ravens does the same.  
”Hey Lincoln!” Raven says and gives him a smile.  
”Are Lexa not with you guys?” Clarke asks looking around to see her.  
”She had to do something first, she will be here later. She told me to keep an eye on you until she arrives!” Lincoln smiles at Clarke, seriously? What was she doing now… Clarks mind went directly to Costa, Lexa’s ex-girlfriend. Raven had told her that they had been dating for like 3 years, they did break up like two years ago but every now and then they had get together but nobody knew their business. Clarke felt sick, thinking about Lexa being with someone else, her Lexa.   
”Hey blondie where’s your mind at!” Clarke feels an arm around her shoulder and looks to her side to find Anya.  
”So that’s why Raven wanted to go this party I see!” Clarke smiles giving the two of them an knowing look.   
”Shut up!” Raven whines taking a large sip from her beer and Octavia laughs at her.  
”So fucking true, Okay party Griffin is in the house what about some shots?” O suggests, Lincoln rolls his eyes while the rest of them agrees loudly.

***

”Do you think she’s checking me out?” Bellamy asks with a smirk.  
”That blond girl over there? I think she’s checking me out!” Clarke laughs she was getting a little drunk by the time.  
”Fuck, I think you’re actually right!” Bellamy sighs and leans back in the sofa.  
”I was just joking!” Clarke laughs even more following Bellamy move and leans on his shoulder with his arm around her. ”I’m getting drunk” she complains closing her eyes for a bit.  
”Don’t fall asleep princess! The night is young and you are helping me getting laid!” It is his time to laugh. It felt good spending some time with him, she had missed just hanging out with her friends.  
”Clarke” the blond opens her eyes and sees Lincoln staring at her.  
”Is Lexa here?” Clarke says with joy sitting up, not to settled but she missed her.  
”No…” Lincoln leans in to whisper something in her ear. ”I don’t think Lexa would like seeing you with someone like this” Clarke stares at him confused.  
”Like what exactly?” she glares at him.  
”You know, in the arms of a boy” Lincoln speaks nervous and Clarke scoffs.   
”This is one of my best friends Lincoln, don’t worry about it!” She then stands up and walks away, fuck that shit you know.

***  
As the time went by Clarke got more wasted and al she could think about was that damn girl Costia. She hadn’t asked about her to Lexa, she wasn’t sure she wanted answers. Thinking about her got her in a bad mood and that was not the purpose of this night, she was supposed to have fun with her friends.  
”Hey look who just showed up” Anya pokes Clarke pointing at the front door where Lexa just walked in, a smile appeared on her face that disappeared as quick when she saw Costia walk in behind her.   
”She’s late” Clarke finishes the last of her drink and leaves Anya standing looking weird at her, she didn't care.   
”Clarke?” she yells after her, the blonde turns around to see Lexa and Costia greet Anya and her stomach twists, she walks away with her head spinning. 

***  
”Did you have a fight?” Anya asks her sister as she hugs her.  
”Not that I know of, why?” Lexa looks at her sister with concern in her eyes as Anya greets Costia.  
”Hey Heda” Lincoln joins them.  
”She acted weird” Anya shrugs.   
”Where is she?” Lexa turns to Lincoln.  
”She’s with Bellamy, they been hanging all night” he informs her.  
”That frat boy?” Lexa’s eyes narrow. ”What do you mean they have been hanging all night?” Lincoln stares at her not really knowing what to say.  
”You know.. just hanging?” he tries.  
”Did they do something? What are you saying?” Lexa stares at him with a death stare.  
”No… he like had his arm around her in the couch, thats it”  
”So that’s why she acting weird?” Lexa looks at her sister now.  
”How the hell am I supposed to know? Do you think she’s cheating?”  
”You’re the one asking if we had a fight? What did she say?”  
”She’s been asking for you all night and when I told her she was here, she just said that you we’re late and then she walked away” Anya explains.  
”I’m gonna find her, take care of Costia” she orders her sister before she leaves them.

***  
”There is a fight coming up, I overheard Lincoln” Octavia takes out a cigarette and sits down on the roof top.  
”Can we actually be here?” Raven asks Bellamy who showed them the roof. It was a great view and a nice break for the friends to get some air.  
”Yeah, we hang her all the time. Can i get one?” Bellamy asks Octavia who throws him fire and a cigarette.  
”Yeah what the hell me to” Clarke slurs as she sits down as well, they didn't usually smoke but every once in a while they did. ”Tell me more about this fight?” she turns to Octavia and lights her cigarette she was feeling calmer now but she was not ready to face Lexa yet, she was really drunk and was scared of embarrassing herself.  
”It’s bad Clarke, I think there is like two gangs… The Ice nation and one more who wants to destroy the grounder club. They’re all worried and its happening fast, have Lexa told you anything?” Octavia takes a puff and plays with the smoke as she blows it out.  
”Not really…no” She only seems to talk to Costia she thinks annoyed.  
”Does it mean like we should watch our backs?” Bellamy asks as he lays down staring up at the starts with the cigarette burning in his mouth.   
”Does it affect us?” Raven is still standing up, looking down at the backyard where people we’re playing games and drinking.   
”I hope not… I just have a bad feeling” Octavia sighs, the group of friends stays quiet for a while.

***

”Where the hell is she?” Lexa comes back into the living room for the third time sitting down this time staring at Anya.  
”I can’t find any of them” Lincoln arrives short after Lexa sitting down as well.  
”Is she cheating with that boy?” Costia speaks and Lexa glares at her.  
”Shut up” Anya says angry glaring as well at her annoying comment.  
”Sorry, just don’t want this girl to hurt Lexa that’s all!” Costia rolls her eyes and Anya scoffs.  
”Yeah… thats why” Anya mutters and Lexa glares at her sister this time, she was to tired to deal with this shit, where the hell was Clarke? She wasn't cheating on her right, she would never do that. She takes out her phone and starts dialing Clarks number, it takes some time before she hears someone pick up the phone slowly.  
”Heey” It was Clarke.  
”Hey, where are you?” Lexa asks worried.  
”I’m up here” Clarke slurs, she was drunk. ”I’ll be down soon”   
”What the hell are you talking about?” she can hear a boys laugh in the background.  
”Hey Lexa, it’s Bellamy. We’re still at the party, I’ll bring her to you in a second!”   
”Where are you?” Lexa asks now mad, what the hell we’re they doing?  
”What he said, babe…” it was Clarke speaking again.  
”Now, you come meet me in the living room now!”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new years guys!  
> I just got home from Germany and wanted to give you guys a fast upload! Leaving for five days again soon but I will try to add one more chapter before I leave!   
> Thanks for the feedback, love it!  
> Cheers!


	20. Well...shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mixed emotions and confusion.

Clarke comes stumbling into the living room with her friends all laughing at some bad joke Raven been screaming on the way down the stairs. It doesn’t take long until she spots Lexa, Anya, Lincoln and that damn Costia staring at them.  
”Where have you been?” Lincoln asks looking at Octavia, Clarke keeps staring at Costia. Why did she have to look so damn good? Not weird Lexa was into her…  
”The roof” Octavia answers giving Lincoln an assuring smile as she sits down in his lap.  
”You smell like smoke” Lincoln states and they start small talking while Clarke once again felt her stomach twist, Lexa was an asshole. She was an unbelievable asshole! How could she do this to her? She couldn't even be in the same room as the brunette, Clarke leaned in to whisper to Bellamy that she needed some time and he nodded. 

As soon as she started walking away Lexa was standing up but not getting far as Bellamy stopped her.  
”She needs time” he informed her.  
”Clarke?” Lexa yells behind the girl who turns around feeling her eyes tearing up, Clarke hated this.  
”Leave me alone Lexa” Clarke has a hard time speaking as she don’t want to start crying in front of everyone.  
”Can we?” Lexa seems to have trouble as well. ”Just talk?” she adds after taking a breath.  
”Not now” Clarke turns around and starts walking away again.  
”Clarke?” Lexa yells louder.  
”Give her space, she said not now” Bellamy says calm stopping the brunette from walking after her.

***

It’s been almost an hour and the group of friends had been hanging in the living room since Clarke left. It was pretty awkward in the beginning but it was starting to ease up now. They we’re sipping beers while talking about nonsense. Lexa was sober, she didn't want to drink a single drop until she knew what was going on with Clarke. What did she do wrong this time? She was tired of messing up, she wanted to solve this right now but she had no idea what to solve.   
”Lexa she will come back” Octavia suddenly says and Lexa looks up, she liked Lincoln’s girlfriend actually. She was always nice and seemed to be good to Lincoln. First she was annoyed with the fact that one of her greatest men was distracted by some girl, but she wasn't just some girl, he was in love with this girl. It made Lexa happy knowing Lincoln was happy, she wished the same for her and Clarke.  
”Do you know why she’s upset?” Lexa had been wanting to ask this question since Clarke left but had no idea how to ask, this seemed to be the right moment.  
”No” Octavia shakes her head while everyone turns to look at Raven who sighs.  
”What?” Raven stares back at them.  
”You know something!” Anya gives her a glare to make the latina speak.  
”Well are you all fucking blind and stupid?” Raven stares at Lexa mad, what the hell?  
”Apparently, so please inform us!” Anya says annoyed and Raven just points to Costia.  
”What the hell did I do?” Costia looks confused to Lexa who looks just as lost as her.  
”Did you really think you hanging with your ex wouldn't affect Clarke? You can’t even have her speaking to Finn without getting crazy about it and you bring yours to a fucking party that Clarke invited you to? Are you for real?” Raven spits angry, she was tired of Lexa’s ways with her best friend, she didn't trust her. Clarke had been through enough and she just wanted her to be happy at this point.  
”Lexa and I go way back, it’s more complicated than that” Costia rolls her eyes.  
”Shut up!” Lexa is finally able to speak and stares at Costia with anger in her eyes. How could she be so stupid? Fuck! She was so focused on her goal that she didn’t think about how it looked on the outside, shit!   
”You’re loving this aren’t you?” Anya glares at Costia who has a smug smile on her face.  
”You knew? Didn’t you? And of course you didn’t care to share” Lexa sighs as she takes out her phone.

New text message:   
To: Clarke  
From: Lexa

Clarke, it is not what it looks like. Please talk to me.

She pressed send while she started tapping with her leg up and down, did Clarke really think she was cheating with Costia? She would never, if she had it her way she would love not to speak to her ex at all. 

Please answer Clarke…

***

Clarke glared down at the message from Lexa.  
”Yeah right” she mumbled to herself as she ignored it, she was walking, more like stumbling, on her way back to her moms house. She scrolled down her numbers, maybe she could call someone for a ride? Someone who wasn't at the party? She stopped walking and stared down at the unknown number, fuck it she thought as she pressed it.  
”Hello?”   
”Asshole” Clarke slurs.  
”Clarke, you actually called!” Alex sounds way to happy.  
”I called to say that i fucking hate you!” Clarke yells, she was so freaking mad about everything right now.  
”I know… I just, I don’t know if it means anything but I wanted you to know how truly deeply sorry I am” Clarke scoffs at him.  
”Save the bullshit! You are gonna listen to me now!” Clarke states as she sits down on street, ready to scream her lungs out.  
”Go ahead then” Alex says calm.  
”YOU are the biggest fucking asshole! If you think you can leave a fucking voicemail to make it al right, you are fucking wrong! I HATE YOU! You destroyed me in so many ways and I wont let you do that anymore, I wont accept your apology, you have to live with what you did to me! You abused me in so many ways and didn't care about me at all, like why did you even bother!” Clarke takes a break from rambling ready to go on again when Alex speaks instead.  
”I cared about you Clarke, I still do. If you ever interested in an explantation, I’m here. I’m not gonna force it on you but at least I don't want you to think that I didn't care.”  
”Oh fuck yourself” Clarke sighs as she hangs up, she was crying now with all the mixed emotions from the night. She felt exhausted and she hated that she just wanted to call Lexa, she was a crying drunk mess and she just wanted to sleep it all off. Fuck it, she wipes her tears away and stands up, she’s just about to start walking when she notices a black van stopping beside her, what the hell? She don’t have time to think before she feels her self getting dragged inside the car and drops her phone on the way, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I think I will be able to post during my vacation so the quick update won't stop!  
> So... what do you think?   
> As always I love the feedback! :)


	21. Tick tock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One stressful night.

01:13

”This is her phone” Lincoln shows it to Raven who looks at the phone assuring him it was Clarks.  
”Do you know her password?” Lincoln asks Raven and she tries the first thing she can think off.  
”Hey guys we found her phone!” Lincoln yells to the rest of the group who comes running.  
”I can’t get in, do you know her password?” Raven hands the phone to Octavia who tries but fails.  
”I know” Lexa grabs it from O and locks it up. ”She talked to someone, like an hour ago… unknown number” she informs the rest of them.  
”Let me see!” Raven grabs the phone this time, they we’re all stressed and scared for their friend missing. The last time it had been really bad so they all assumed the worst. ”This is Alex’s number, she spoke to him for like five minutes” Lexa’s jaw clenched as she got even more worried, shit!  
”Anything else, any text? Any other call?” Octavia is the one to grab the phone now and starts searching around for some clues. ”She did read your text though Lexa…but that seems to be it” Lexa swallows, she needed to calm down and think straight.  
”Lincoln, call Gustus and tell him to meet me at this spot” Lexa showed him a map from her phone and pointed.  
”Heda, where are you going?” Lincoln is already dialing Gustus and Lexa stares at him and Anya.  
”You look for her here” she informs them.  
”We will help!” Octavia says and Raven agrees.  
”Can I do anything? I can come with you?” Costia asks and looks over to Lexa.  
”I don’t need your help. You can stay here and look if you want to help.” Lexa answers before she jumps on her bike and drives away.

***  
01:37

”Who the fuck are you and what the hell do you want?” Clarke looks at the two men sitting with her in the van, she was pressed in the middle while some other man drove it. They had refuse to talk for the whole ride and Clarke was for the first time happy that she was drunk this night. She would totally be more freaked otherwise and right now she was just confused.  
”Can’t you talk or what’s the problem?” she tries before she gives up when they all ignored her once again.

A while later the car stopped in front of an house, her nerves where getting to her when the men dragged her out. They where in the middle of no where and all she could see was forrest before they got into the house. One of the men pushed her to the sofa as soon as they got inside, that was pretty much all it was. A room with a sofa, a broken table and another room that seemed to be the toilet. It was dark in the room and it was hard to see any specific details.  
”Stay” one of the men finally speaks.  
”So you can talk” Clarke mutters as she crosses her arms. ”Who are you? What do you want? Money?” she rambles as she hears a familiar laugh from the other room.  
”Money? Really hun?” Isak walks to stand in front of Clarke and he smiles at her with this evil look in his eyes. Shit, fucking shit. The Ice Nation?  
”Are you going to kill me?” Clark’s voice shakes as she looks up to watch all the four men staring at her, she was terrified now.  
”I’m not happy with what you did last time we saw each other, I mean that was a pretty rude way to introduce yourself. Don’t you think?” Isak grabs the closest chair and sits down, not taking his eyes of Clarke.  
”You we’re the one who got into the house with a gun, remember?” Clarke swallowed, this man probably think she’s stronger than she is. She had to keep it that way.  
”Okay, true… let’s call it even then?” he smiles with his teeth.  
”Sure, so what do you want from me?” Clarke thought she was supposed to act confident but it all came natural.  
”You? Right now? Nothing. I’m just scaring your girlfriend” the other men scoffs at this and it makes Clarke angry but she swallowed once again, just keep it cool.  
”I don’t understand?” Clarke looks at him confused, what did he mean with scaring Lexa?  
”We are just gonna hang here for like 24 hours, she might think something horrible might happen but no. We are just gonna leave you with a message darling” Clarke hated his smug smile when he spoke.  
”What message?” she raises her eyebrow locking eyes with him.  
”The fight is happening this Wednesday, at 19:00. She knows the spot. If the grounders wont show up, you won’t be coming home next time” Clark’s eyes narrowed, did he just threatening her life?  
”What do I have to do with all of this?” she asks.  
”You are the thing Lexa cares about the most, we need something, in this case you, to not make her ignore this. We don’t want the Grounders to exist anymore”  
”I thought you and Lexa we’re on good terms?” It was true she did, she had no idea what went wrong and she would rather talk about that then her death.  
”Yes darling, she played me. I don’t like being fooled you know” Clarke still doesn’t understand.  
”What happened?”  
”Her little grounders tricked me for money, guns, business, ground…. you name it! That’s just a short way to sum it all up.” Isak drags his hand on his bald head.  
”I didn’t know, It doesn’t sound like Lexa” that was also true, one thing Lexa did was play fare. At least when the matter was grounders.  
”It’s not to late to join the winning team Clarke, I cute girl like you would look great by my side” Isak suggest and it Clarks time to scoff. ”Come on pretty, don’t tell me you don’t find me attractive, you will get tired of pussy sooner or later” he smirks and Clarke just stares at him with a death stare. Nope, she was totally ignoring him now. She was not gonna let him get to her.

***  
02:12

”Just break it” Lexa orders Gustus as they reached the front door and he does what he’s told. She's inside in a second and as soon as she sees him in the hallway she pushes him to the wall with her hand around his throat.  
”Where the hell is she?” she spits while tightening her grip.  
”So you do know how to fight” he answers, already giving up trying to fight back.  
”Where is she?” Lexa had no time for his bullshit.  
”If you’re talking about Clarke I have no idea, I promise!” He says with panic in his voice.  
”Search the apartment” Lexa turns to Gustus who nods before he disappears, as he's gone Lexa lets go just to punch him in the face.  
”What the hell was that for?” he complains feeling the wounded area at his face with his hand.  
”You’re still an asshole and I wanted to do it” Lexa fixes her jacket before she turns back to Alex, what a coward. He was embarrassing just to look at with his scared eyes.  
”She’s not here! I promise, I will never hurt her again”  
”You talked to her” Lexa snaps and Alex swallows while Gustus gets back into the room.  
”Not here Heda” he informs her.  
”She called me, she was drunk and she screamed at me. That’s it, she hang up” Alex talks fast, probably nervous. He should be considering the last time Gustus and Lexa went too see him.  
”Did you hear anything weird?” Lexa asks.  
”No she said something like fuck you and hanged up, thats it. Why are you asking is she missing?”  
”Fuck” Lexa mutters before she turns around but before she leaves she looks at Alex one more time.  
”If I found out you had anything to do with this, I will kill you! You hear me?” Alex just nods, looking like a lost puppy.

***  
02:25

”HEDA, did you find her?” Lincoln answers the phone.  
”No, so I guess you didn't have any luck either?” Lexa speaks over the phone.  
”No, and all the girls are fighting here. I think they’re all scared” Lincoln speaks lower not wanting them to hear him.  
”Why are they fighting?” he could almost hear Lexa roll her eyes through the phone. The worst thing she knew was people getting distracted by other things while on a mission.  
”They’re mad at Costia…” 

***  
03:15

”So we’re just gonna sit here?” Clarke somehow got bored staring at the wall, chocking.  
”That’s the plan, I was trying to have a conversation but you choose to ignore me” Isak talks while playing with some cards. ”We can do anything you want sweetie” he smirks and Clarke rolls her eyes once again, really with this shit again?  
”Not interested, If we can do anything. Just take me home!” she suggest fake smiling.  
”You know the rules... and your loss by the way” he winks as he gets back to playing with his card. 

This sucked.

***  
03:44

Lexa sat down at the kitchen table in the Grounder house, they had all agree to meet there to decide their next move. They had been searching for some time now and they we’re just going in circles. She had been almost to confident by finding Clarke with Alex, she was not used being wrong. Where the hell was she? Lexa was getting really worried.  
”What if she’s just drunk and dropped her phone?” Costia breaks the silence.  
”Costia, go home” Lexa glares at her annoyed.  
”I can help” she answers.  
”No, we don’t need you. I need you to do what I asked you too, not this.” Lexa couldn’t stand seeing her ex right now, the fact that Clarke still thought she was cheating with her was stressful enough.  
”Whatever” Costia sighs while grabbing her bag. ”I call you” she slams the front door when she leaves.

***  
04:19

”I heard you we’re teaming up with another gang” Clarke asks with even more boredom, she had to talk about something, the situation was starting to drive her crazy. Her friends most be worried sick.  
”Did Lexa tell you that?” Isak answers, yawning.  
”No my friend did, so is it true?”  
”Yes, The MW. Lexa must hate it right” he smirks and Clarke hated that she had no idea. She didn’t want him to notice the fact that her girlfriend didn't share stuff like that and just nods.  
”They’re not to bad you know. I hope she doesn’t take it to personally, it’s business” he continues when she doesn’t say anything.  
”Why would she take it personally?” Clarke asks.  
”Well the MW killed her parents, I don’t know about you but that would hurt my feeling” Isak stares at her while Clarke can feel her heart drop, wait what? Lexa’s parents was killed by a gang? The MW? Shit.  
”So you’re teaming up to hurt her feelings?” Clarke tries to keep her self calm, she was almost sober now and getting this information at this state was getting to her pretty hard.  
”I told you sweetie, business” he yawns again.  
”Sounds pretty cruel to me, Lexa had always spoken well about you. I guess you we’re playing her as well” Clarke could of sworn she saw some sort of regret in Isak’s eyes for just a second.  
”Let’s talk about something else” he mutters while changing position in his chair.

***  
04:19

”The Ice Nation” Lexa suddenly jumps out of hear seat.  
”What?” Anya stands up as well.  
”Or the MW?” Lexa was trying not to panic. ”How could I not think about it sooner” Lexa swears to her self as everyone was getting to their feet.  
”What’s going on?” Raven asks.  
”I think this is the first time Clarke gets in trouble just for dating Heda” Anya looks scared while she speaks. ”Lexa is gonna blame herself too much, fuck!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I pre published this chapter so I hope it works! If it does, I hope y'all liked it ;)


	22. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever what goes around in Lexa's mind?

Lexa stared at the time 11:19, she was defeated. She had been looking all night with no luck. She ordered the rest of them to get some sleep while she kept looking. She had informed every grounder to look for Clarke. Her guilt was growing inside of her, this was her fault. Clarke was missing, maybe hurt… probably hurt because of her.

Not only did the Ice Nation kidnap her, Clarke actually believed she was hooking up with Costia when really she just had to team up with her ex because of the fight coming up next week. Costia was a grounder, when they we’re dating Lexa made her rule over the west side since it was to much to keep an eye on everyone. Lexa trusted her with this position and took care of the east side. It was just because of this war coming up that she needed Costia. The girl who fucked with her emotions to get power, who used her and cheated on her to get to the position she was in right now. The ex-girlfriend who broke Lexa. 

All though, Lexa had been thought to be smart, having Costia rule that side was giving her some space and time to focus on the bigger picture. Taking care of the bigger issues, things that only bothered the inner circle while Costia could play with all the reckless young grounders. She could easily take that power back from her ex but realized it was better to let her do all of the dirty work. 

After they broke up they only spoke when Lexa was checking in to see if everything was going her way, that Costia at least kept her promise to take care of the west side. They had hooked up once after the break up but that was only because Lexa was at her lowest. It was the day Anya got hurt and she almost lost her sister. She had been getting herself way to drunk and since Costia still somehow hits on her every time they see each other she just went with it. She still regret it today. She was hurt and seek comfort with someone who hurt her badly, who betrayed her deeply. 

That was the day she promised herself to not trust nobody but her family, she had been let down to many times during her short life and she was over it. She shut down her emotions complete. She banned Anya from any dangerous fights or missions. If she lost her sister she would go under, it might be selfish. Lexa didn't really know but the feeling she had when she thought Anya was dead in her arms was like loosing her parent all over again. Her chest was burning and when Anya finally opened her eyes miraculous she swore to herself to protect her at any cost. She didn't deserve the same destiny as their parents, Lexa dragged them into this mess. She had to at least get her sister out alive.

That had been easy, Anya was never really into this Grounder matter as Lexa was. She could order her to stay home, tell her no. She could shut her down when she got to personal, because really. Lexa was done with feelings. It was selfish she realize that now, at the time it was the only way she could deal with moving on. As Heda, you had to put your on personal issues to the side and be there for your people. Titus had been teaching her that since day one and she was more than capable of separation her feelings from duty. 

Until the day she met Clarke. She sparked something inside of Lexa that she thought had died a long time ago. The first time she laid eyes on the beautiful blond girl at the party who was fighting with some dude. She never interact with random people like that, she was just so curious about that girl. She doesn't regret that, the only time she stepped out of her comfort zone. 

Clarke had grown so much since that day, from being that insecure little girl who said yes to everything. She remembered the look in the blond eyes the day she saw her at the hospital, they we’re defeated. Her eyes was screaming with hopelessness and sadness, like she had given up completely. All Lexa could think about in that moment was to make the blond happy, she wanted to help this stranger because somehow she reminded her of herself. She used have that look when she looked at herself in the mirror.

Clarke was a mess at the beginning and Lexa somehow loved to take care of her, she was so drawn to that blonde. Maybe that’s when it all started to go wrong? Clarke was just as easy to order around like her sister Anya. She hated the word order though, in Lexa’s head it was called looking out for. Her ways might be harsh but they get things done and it keeps everyone safe.

It was the day they shared their first kiss that Lexa got scared the first time, she had felt it trough her entire body and it scared her so much. How could this girl just kiss her and make her feel so much emotions, she built walls. It was all new and she admits that she did shut Clarke out, she was selfish. 

Selfish with Clarke, she wanted her all to herself and that’s where the obsession of the blonde leaving her got to her. Everyone did so why wouldn't Clarke? She got to protective she knows that, she wanted the blond to understand how much she meant to her but instead she kept messing up.

Clarke grew stronger, Lexa could see it every day and when Clarke started to questioning her she realized that she had been blind. She was selfish and didn’t even realize it herself, selfish. Lexa wanted Clarke to be strong and in depended that’s all she wished since day one, she just wished she had handled everything differently. She knew that she didn't deserve Clarks forgiveness sometimes or her love but she kept accepting it because she was selfish.

So fucking selfish.

Her mind was a total mess right now but she wanted to do right by Clarke, she couldn’t be selfish anymore. She had to be the one to leave this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing more of Lexa.


	23. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

Clarke rushed the last part to the grounder house, she was freezing cold not to mention hangover. She hadn’t slept in over 24 hours and was in desperate need of a shower and a bed. She also knew she had to deal with some worried friends first and she was really just over it, she had been kidnapped. She had been sitting on a couch for hours, she was okay. It was not something she would go through again but at least she was okay, Isak did not scare her somehow.

She opened the door and the first faces she saw was Lincoln and Octavia who was all over her the second they saw her.  
”Clarke?!” Octavia hugged her tight.  
”Are you okay?” Lincoln asked in the background.   
”I’m okay, I just need to take a shower and get some rest… Where is Lexa?” Clarke stepped back a little to look around for her girlfriend who was no where to be found.  
”She’s still out looking for you” Lincoln grabbed his phone and handed it to Clarke. ”Call her”

Clarke took the phone and excused herself after once again assuring them she was okay. She pressed call and Lexa answered immediately.  
”Any news?” her tone was different, Lexa thought she spoked to a Grounder and was very direct.  
”It’s me Lex, I’m okay” It was quiet on the other line. ”I’m at the grounder house, I’m fine” she could hear a sob before it went quiet again.  
”I’ll be there in a second Clarke” Lexa breathed and Clarke could already hear her bike running.  
”See you soon.” 

***

When Clarke jumped out of the shower and was getting dressed in Lexa room the door swung open and the brunette stormed in. Clarke dropped her sweatpants on the floor as she threw her arms around Lexa. The blonde didn't take long to find Lexa’s lips and they kissed, kissed like they hadn’t seen each other in months.   
”I’m sorry” Lexa finally spoke as she stepped back, Clarke missed her body already.  
”It’s not your fault Lexa” Clarke assured her.  
”Are you hurt?” Lexa started eyeing Clarke’s body.  
”No, I’m okay” really she was okay, she was just tired and had a slightly headache.  
”I’m sorry” Lexa repeated herself, the brunette looked different, she looked tired as well.  
”It was Isak, he wanted to scare you. He didn't touch me, I just spent the night sitting on a sofa”  
”Scare me?” Lexa asked as she took Clarks hand to lead them to the bed.  
”Yes, he said eemh” Clarke laid down in the bed as she spoke, the softness from the bed felt amazing.  
”Said what?” Lexa asked as she got undressed.  
”He had a message to you… If you’re backing out on this fight next week” Clarke paused as Lexa crawled into the bed, Clarke moved closer and let her head rest on the brunettes chest.   
”Then what?” Lexa asked exhausted.  
”I won't be coming back next time” Lexa's hold of the blond tightened and Clarke could feel the brunettes body stiffen.   
”That wont happen, I won’t let him touch you” Lexa assured Clarke.  
”Well, he could have tonight… and you were not there” Clarke whispered back.  
”I know... it’s my fault. Not ever again, can we talk about it more tomorrow?” Lexa spoke sleepy.  
”mmhmm” Clarke mumbled already feeling herself fall asleep.

***

Lexa stared at the blond while she was sleeping, Clarke must of been tired, she had slept for almost 13 hours now. It was late afternoon and she didn't want to wake her up, she knew they had a lot to talk about but that could wait till later. Some people that where getting a little impatient was Clarks friends that where waiting downstairs. They had been asking for her since this morning but Lexa had forbidden them to wake Clarke up, she obviously needed the rest.   
”You’re staring” Clark’s voice broke the silence as she spoke with her eyes closed.  
”I’m not” Lexa blushes as the blonde opens her eyes.  
”It’s dark, for how long have I slept?” Clarke stretches her body with a pout on her face and it’s the most adorable thing Lexa had seen in a while.  
”You needed it” Lexa smiles as she strokes some hair away from Clarks face.   
”When did you wake up? You fell asleep the same time as me?” Clarke complains, her morning mood was always a little whiney but Lexa adored it.  
”I’m used to it” Lexa chuckles ”Your friends are waiting downstairs, they are dying to see you” she continues and Clarke sighs again as she rolls over in bed. ”Also I called Niyhla to check on you”   
”That not necessary, I told you I’m fine” Clarke sighs as she steals Lexa’s sweatpants from the floor. ”I’m borrowing these” she mumbles.  
”They probably look better on you anyways”  
”So they’re all waiting downstairs?” Clarke looks at Lexa with puppy eyes.  
”And Niyhla” Lexa feels bad as Clarke was clearly in no mood for meeting people. ”They don’t know your up” Lexa gets the idea as she sits down on the bed and throws her arms up in the air for Clarke to come join her. ”They can wait five more minutes” she smiles as Clarke throws her body back to bed.

***

They had all been waiting in the living room when Clarke finally dragged herself down to her friends. It was weird how tired she still felt after sleeping so many hours. Her friends had been worried and she felt bad for them, it must have been awful so she truly tried to explain to everyone that she was fine. Considering her history they all seemed to have trouble believing it and she don’t know how many ”Are you really okay” she got during her speaking. They all looked at her like she was an helpless girl who was made of glass. At one point even Lexa had to tell them all to stop asking the question, Clarke thanked her innerly for that. After a while when they all seemed convinced and full of information Niyhla stepped in to steal Clarke.

”Lot of questions?” she chuckles as they got into the kitchen to get some room and Clarke lets out a light laugh herself. She was actually surprised how she joked about it since every one else where walking on thin ice around her.  
”You could say that” Clarke sighs as she sits down.  
”They just care about you though, they seem a little overprotective but you still got a whole room of people that was worried sick about you” Niyhla smiles as she picks up her bag on the table before she sits down herself.  
”That’s true, I love them all… I just feel like they look at me like fragile porcelain”   
”Yeah I felt it too” Niyhla smiles again, Clarke had forgot how friendly she was it had been a long time since they saw each other. ”So does it hurt anywhere?”   
”Actually, I’m just doing this because Lexa is worried…I told her it was unnecessary but she insisted with a pouty face and I couldn’t say no” Clarke admits with a giggle.  
”Well, let’s give you some calming tea and then I can assure her that you’re fine”   
”Really? You just believe me like that?” Clarke chuckles with the irony.  
”Well I don’t think you would like to go around with pain so why would you lie about it?” Niyhla asks as she raises her eye brow.  
”True, word” Clarke nods. ”So now what?”  
”Let’s chat a little, catch up” She winks as she leans back in the chair.

***

Lexa was nervous, she knew Clarke would come through the back door any minute now and she knew the conversation would be heated. She was waiting on the porch on the backyard of the grounder house as Clarke was getting them some coffee. It was actually getting pretty late and the night sky looked beautiful, Lexa loved to stare at the stars, she could get lost in it.   
”Hey” Clarke approaches her and sits down as she hands Lexa both of the cups as she carries a blanket as well.  
”Thank you” Lexa smiles as Clarke throws the blanket around them.  
”It really is beautiful” Clarke speaks as she looks up at the stars as well.  
”I know” Lexa takes a sip from her coffee and takes a deep breath and is just about to speak when Clarke interrupts her.  
”Lexa, what happened last night. I don’t want you to blame yourself, you didn't kidnap me, Isak did”  
”I blame myself Clarke” she answers quiet. ”I also blame myself for not telling you about Costia”  
”Well that… I blame you for” Clarke admits, she had almost forgot about Costia after her crazy night. Lexa takes another deep breath as she begins to tell Clarke everything about her ex-girlfriend, about the cheating, about how bad she felt, the heartbreak. Also how she despised her before she learned how to work with her. She told her about how she slept with her one more time after their break-up and how much she hated herself for it. She told Clarke every detail and if she had questions she answered them. Clarke just nodded most of the talking and listened to every word, it actually felt good to share this with someone.   
”So, I know I should of told you. I was ashamed for it and it reminds me of a time when I was weak and broken. It was not because I wanted to hide it from you, I never talked about it to anyone… ever. I was ashamed and pretended like it never happened.”  
”You should not be ashamed for being heartbroken Lexa or to talk about your emotions. I’m really glad you did” Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and lingers their fingers together.   
”Clarke…” Lexa sighs as she looks away, this girl really was to good for her. ”I don’t think I can do this” her chest ached. Probably burning but she remained calm as she looked back at Clarke.  
”What do you mean?” The blonde responded confused staring at Lexa to find some expressions from her, there was none. Her emotions we’re burning on the inside, she had to be strong if she was gonna this.  
”What I said, I don’t think I can do this anymore” Lexa’s heart was pounding in her chest, fuck. ”Us” she continued even though she didn’t want to.  
”No” Clarke shook her head. ”No” she repeats again as she lets go of Lexa’s hand to look at her better as she switch position.  
”Clarke, I fuck up all the time.” Lexa was not prepared for this, she couldn’t even look her in the eyes while she spoke.  
”Well, stop fucking up then. You can not be the one to just quit? Give up? Just because we had some fights? Disagreements? Guess what Lexa, that’s how relationship grows strong.”  
”Well, you got kidnaped last night? You’re in danger because of me. Being with me is not just some silly fights, you risk your life at times… I can’t loose you” Lexa babbles as she doesn’t really know what to say, how do you leave someone you desperately want in your life?  
”Lexa, I know. You told me so, I knew what I was getting myself into and I stayed. You made a promise to not leave me either so, don’t leave me!” Clarke was angry as she spoke.  
”I don’t want to, I know what I said but last night… I haven’t been that scared in forever. I’m scared Clarke, okay?” Lexa spills the truth as she grabs Clarks jaws with her hands, caressing it carefully. She couldn't hold back her emotions anymore.  
”Breaking up is not the answer, we work through this together. You wont loose me, I just want you to talk to me like you do now. Thats progress!” Clarke leans into Lexa’s touch.  
”Okay” Lexa gives up. Leaving Clarke, she deep down knew it would be impossible.   
”Don’t ever do that again” Clarke sighs and Lexa kissed her on the forehead.  
”I love you” she breathes into the kiss as she lock eyes with the beautiful blue eyes who widened. 

Lexa wasn't sure if it was selfish to stay anymore, selfish to leave maybe? All she was sure about was that she loved this girl and she would do anything for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is there anything special you want to happen in this fic... ;)
> 
> This is where it really kicks of.


	24. Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sofa.

”You can’t order me to not fight” the boys yelling probably was loud enough for a whole neighborhood to hear.  
”Aden, you’re 12 years old. I’m not letting you fight with grown men that have trained for years” Lexa was started to get annoyed, why could the boy just not get it, it was to dangerous.  
”Exactly, I can decide for myself. That’s the rules and you need everyone for this!” he continued.  
”No!” Lexa now raised her voice.  
”Heda” Indra stepped into the basement and glanced at Aden who was almost in tears because he was so upset. ”He can fight if he want”  
”No” Lexa fired back at Indra immediately. ”He is a child!”   
”You were 15 at your first fight” Indra spoke calm and respectful.  
”That’s different I had been training” Lexa rolled her eyes, she could not believe she was having this conversation.  
”Just like him, can’t you see that he has the same fire in his eyes like you did when you joined us?”   
”It doesn’t matter!” Lexa snapped.  
”He has the same urge of revenge like you did, you won’t be able to stop him like we we’re not able to stop you!” Did she really have to bring this up, why could she not just be on her side on this one. Indra, always following the book, not breaking any rules or old traditions, you could really tell she was one of the eldest grounders. Wise, kind but harsh in her ways.   
”And how did it work for me, huh?” Lexa rolled her eyes, this was ridiculous.   
”You can’t stop me!” Aden raised his voice, speaking over the ladies. ”It’s my choice!”  
***

Lexa stepped in to the old local bar where she’d been so many times before, she never liked being on this side of the the city. The Ice Nation ruled here, well now they ruled more than 50% along with the mount weather. This sudden teamwork was something she never imagine seeing, the MW had been hated for years. That someone actually wanted to cooperation with them was sick, she wonder what changed Isak’s mind.

The MW had a repetition for torture innocent people, being loud and destroying everything that came in their way. They didn’t care about anything and lived by no rules, or conscience if you asked Lexa. Over the years the all the gangs from the city had come together to push the MW out of the city, they had succeeded their process but there was still some men left that was stubborn and kept fighting back. At least they had not disturbed anyone in months, they had their piece. 

”Lexa, looking tired… rough night?” Isak greeted her from one of the booths in the bar, she took a seat in front of him. They always had their meetings in private.  
”We had a deal Isak, we don’t threatened innocent people” Lexa stated as she lit a cigarette.  
”I don’t care about our agreements anymore, I don’t care about you or your grounders anymore, I need to take care of my own people!” Isak lit a cigarette as well.   
”When did it change? I thought we where on good terms?” Lexa blowed out the smoke.  
”You tricked me and I don’t trust you anymore. That’s it” He said as he leaned back, he was so full of himself it was ridiculous.  
”I have never fooled you Isak”  
”Whatever, I thought you had something important to say?” Isak popped his eyebrows.  
”I want an agreement for Thursday” Lexa spoke calm.  
”I told you…” Isak started as Lexa interrupted her.  
”Just listen, I want a fair fight. No guns Isak”   
”Since I’m in a good mood, sure!” He answers but Lexa knew that he had always had a small soft side, one tiny bit of the man that actually cared about people. Guns was never in their veins, they used their body to fight. Guns only led to killing.  
”That’s really all I wanted to talk about” she stub out her cigarette, glad he agreed so easily.   
”Okay Heda” he winked.   
”I must say however that I never thought you of all people would step so low to work with the MW. You’re better than that” She said as she stood up.  
”I guess you don’t know me then” he smirked, keeping his facade.  
”I think I know you pretty well” she gave out her hand to shake his.  
”And I got to know your girl pretty well last night, nice one” he smiled as she shook her hand. Lexa tightened her grip until she saw that he was in pain, fighting it.  
”If you ever try to harm her Isak… I swear I’m gonna wash out that smug smile of yours and you are gonna wish you was never born” she spit before she pushed his hand away as he grimaced. 

***

Clarke had been spending her Sunday in the sofa downstairs in the living room, she was was to lazy to do anything at all. Lexa had disappeared early, she had some things to take care of, Clarke didn’t mind though she was perfectly fine just watching tv all day.

”Hey you” a familiar voice made Clarke look away from the TV and she smiled.  
”Hey Niyhla, whats up?”  
”Just doing some check ups on the new kid that lives in the third room”   
”All good?” Clarke asked.  
”All good!” Niyhla smiled as she sat down beside Clarke. ”What are we watching?”   
”Modern Family” Clarke chuckled, she loved the show.   
”Awesome!”

As the time went by and the girls had time to both eat some take-out food, bench watching the show and popped some popcorn Clarke felt herself getting dozy. She didn't remember but she must have fallen asleep and sudden movements made her wake up.  
”What the hell?” Clarke mumbled still sleepy.  
”Hey” Lexa’s voice filled the room and for a second Clarke got confused on who she had fallen asleep on, shit. She say up immediately.  
”Hey” she looked over at Lexa, she must have been home for a while because she was wearing sweatpants, a cropped size shirt and her hair in a messy bun.   
”Did we fall asleep?” Niyhla giggles as she rubs her eyes.  
”Apparently” Clarke felt ashamed, she would of gone crazy if she had found Lexa with another girl like this. It didn't mean anything but still, they hadn’t really got to that comfy zone yet.   
”I’m making tea, do any of you want some?” Lexa asked and Clarke looked at her surprised, really? She was not mad or upset, Lexa was the most jealous person she had ever met.   
”I’m heading home, shit this got late. But thanks anyway!” Niyhla spoke as she stand up. ”Thanks for today Clarke!” she turned around and gave her smile before she shared the same smile with Lexa. ”Take care!” then she grabbed her bag and was out in no sec, she must of been stressed of the situation as well.

Clarke stared at Lexa while she came back from the kitchen with two cups who steamed, she left them on the table before she sneaked inside of the blanket Clarke had around her.   
”I missed you” Lexa whispers as she brings her arms around the blond.  
”I missed you to” Clarke steals a quick kiss.  
”Not to much though” Lexa smiles as she raises her eyebrow.  
”I’m sorry, I just fell asleep” Clarke says shy sneaking her arms around the brunette to.  
”It stung to see it but I trust you” Lexa stared into Clarks eyes, she meant it. ”Doesn’t mean I like it” she then chuckles.   
”Well she don’t get this” Clarke slowly pushes Lexa body so she lays down on the cough, first she teases the brunette a little before she lets their lips collide.  
”I fucking hope not!” Lexa smiles in the kiss as she rest her hands on Clarks ass, Clarke hans how ever she somehow lost control of, they where a little all over the place. Lexa sneaks her tongue in and deepens the kiss and Clarke already wants more. Her hands are fumbling with Lexa’s pants when the brunette lets out light laugh.  
”What” Clarke breathes as she stares at Lexa full of desire.  
”We can’t have sex down here, people walk in and out all the time” she chuckles at Clarke disappointed face.  
”I don’t care” Clarke whines as she starts kissing Lexa’s neck and brunette lets out a moan.  
”Fuck” the brunettes swears as she suddenly grabs stronger and lifts her up.  
”Are you gonna carry me to the bedroom” Clarke giggles now as Lexa starts walking up the stairs.  
”Yes, I hope it’s worth it!” she jokes as Clarke rolls her eyes.  
”Asshole”  
”You love me” Lexa smiles before they meet in a very clumsy kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey!  
> Wanted some Clex, what can I say.


	25. Honeymoon stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day before the fight.

Clarke and Lexa where walking through the hallway in school to their class they shared, it was Wednesday and Lexa had ordered everyone to go to school, they needed to take their mind of the fight tomorrow night. As they walked by people Clarke could not ignore the fact that everyone stared at Lexa, some people glared at Clarke. She didn't care, she was more annoyed over all the girls that checked out Lexa from top to toe. We get it, she’s hot but she’s taken.  
”Hey” two girls came up to them as they stopped outside their classroom, they were looking at Lexa.  
”What?” Lexa answered bored.  
”Are you going to the bonfire party at the beach next weekend?” the girl who spoke was calm but her friend was eying Lexa with lust in her eyes and it made Clarke roll her eyes.  
”Why?” Lexa answered as she started looking for something in her bag.  
”Well the whole school is going but you know, it doesn’t matter if you’re not there” The blond said bold.  
”Yeah, we want you there” the other girl finally stopped her staring and handed Lexa a flyer and gave her a smile.  
”Yes especially you” Clarke said annoyed. ”Don’t mind her girlfriend standing here while your flirting” at that Lexa finally actually looked up and gave the girls a smile as she accepted the flyer.  
”If my girl wants to go, I’ll see you there. Doesn’t seem like you did a good impression on her though.” She said as she nodded for the girls that it was time to go.  
”Can you believe that?” Clarke says chocked. ”I was fucking right here while she was eye fucking you!” Lexa chuckled as she laid an hand on Clarks back to lead her in to their english class.  
”Babe” Lexa gave Clarke a kiss on her cheek as they sat down.   
”I’m not letting you go out anywhere alone again” Clarke jokes but with a serious tone.   
”Okay” Lexa laughed as she leaned in to kiss her girl, it was supposed the be a quick one but since last night they had problems taking their hands off each other. They had sex the first thing in the morning when they woke up, continued in the shower, made out in the kitchen, holding hands all day, hugging, kissing, they where at a honeymoon stage and they both loved it.   
”Grows” Anya grimaces as she throws her bag on the table that makes Clarke and Lexa break the kiss and look up.  
”Shut up!” Clarke rolls her eyes.  
***

”Hey Raven” Lexa had seen the brunette from the other side of library in school and decided to talk to her.  
”Hey Lexa” she answered looking up from her book. ”Whats up?” she asked as Lexa sat down in front of her.  
”I wanted to tell you something and I want you to hear me out, I know that your upset with me” Lexa started the conversation direct, there was no need to small talk.  
”Yes, thats true. I don’t trust you” Raven answered as she laid her book on the table.  
”I want you to trust me Raven” Lexa said serious as she placed her hands on the table.  
”You put Clarke in danger, your abusive, you cheat on her and your just problem Lexa!” Raven rambled. ”Clarke is my best friend and I am tired of her dating ass holes, you know her history right. Don’t you think she deserves better than kidnapping and criminal gang fights.”  
”Listen” Lexa interrupted her.”First of all I would never cheat on Clarke, I would never cheat on anyone because I know how that feels” Lexa said honest, she had a feeling she had the spill some truth to make her to actually listen to her words. ”Second of all, yes I admit that I have handled things wrong but Clarke and I have discussed this, when she thinks I’m doing something wrong she tells me and I try my best to handle it. She can stand up for herself, she makes her own decisions.”  
”She doesn’t know what good anymore” Raven rolled her eyes.  
”You’re so wrong about her, she’s strong, independent and a fighter. She’s not the same girl that she was with Alex.”  
”Okay, so even if I got it all wrong your still living a dangerous lifestyle” Raven tried.  
”I broke up with her the other day because of that” Lexa admits.  
”What?” Raven says in chock.  
”Well I tried, I told her that I put her in danger and I couldn’t do it anymore but she refused. She said that knew what she was getting herself into”  
”Okay… but where are you trying to say here?” Raven asks as she leans back in the chair.  
”That I love her Raven and that I’ll protect her with my life. I don’t want anything bad to happened to her… and I don’t want her best friend to think I’m just an asshole that doesn't care.”  
”Well you seem a little more ass now” Raven shares a half smile. ”I’m sorry, I just don’t want anything to happen to Clarke”  
”Trust me, me neither” Lexa smiled back.  
***

”So you talked to Raven?” Clarke hugs the brunette from behind as she leaves her textbooks in her locker.  
”It only took one hour for that information to reach you” Lexa chuckles as she keeps struggling with some books.  
”You must of said something amazing because Raven was sold” Clarke kisses Lexa’s neck playfully.  
”Nothing special” Lexa smiles as she knows Clarks can’t see her while she closes her locker with a slam.  
”Oh really” Clarke smiles when Lexa turns around and hugs the blond back.  
”Nope” Lexa chuckle as they share a kiss.  
”Thank you” Clarke whisper as they let go of each other.  
”For what?” Lexa wonders.  
”For talking with Raven, It means a lot to me”

***

It was getting dark and the grounder house had never been so full before, people we’re sleeping all over the place. Lexa was somehow excited now, she loved the thrill of it and it had been a while since the last fight. She loved the adrenaline she got from it and seeing everything coming to life was getting to her. They all respected her so much and looked up to her, it was her duty to keep everyone safe and get them home. She didn't want to loose, not after all these years.   
”Are you ready” a familiar voice made Lexa look up from her desk on her floor.  
”Titus, long time ago” Lexa smiled as the man entered her office.  
”How did this happened? I’m surprised” he shook his head.  
”Isak feel like I fooled him and I don’t even know why, he showed up her and told me that the rules had changed and he teamed up with the MW” Lexa explained.  
”You don’t know? Are you distracted by that blond girl downstairs feeding your men?” Titus spoke while he walked around the room to stare at her art.  
”You’re well aware that I can separate feelings from duty Titus” Lexa spoke angrily.  
”It was just a question but how come you never investigated more into this? Like the reason why?”   
”What do you mean?”   
”Heda, you may not be the one who fooled him, maybe someone else did” Titus stopped staring at her books as he turned to face Lexa.  
”You mean they fooled me as well?” Lexa questioned.  
”Yes Heda, this doesn’t come from no where. Investigate it”   
”I will” Lexa answered…shit.

***

”If Clarke gets to go why should I stay home?” Octavia spoke from the kitchen when Lexa walked in.  
”What does Clarke get to do?” she asked as she stared at the blond.  
”Octavia wants to fight tomorrow” Lincoln sighs.  
”The two of you can stay home together” Lexa answers to that looking at the girls.  
”Hell no” Clarke fires back.  
”You’re not even grounders Clarke, don’t fight with this please” Lexa pleaded.  
”I can’t just stay home and do nothing”  
”Exactly” Octavia added looking at her boyfriend.  
”It’s to risky” Lincoln tried.  
”You need all the people you can get” Octavia says knowing very well that the grounders where facing almost twice as much men than them.  
”Clarke, do you really want to fight?” Lexa focuses her gaze on her.  
”I want to help” Clarke answers.  
”Okay”  
”But..” Clarke started before she looked at Lexa confused. ”Really?”   
”If you want to, I guess that even if I say no you will show up anyway”   
”And so are you” Lincoln sighs again looking at Octavia.  
”It’s settled then” she answer proud and shares as smile with Clarke.

Later that night when Lexa and Clarke was laying in the bed just staring at each other Clarke felt her nerves start creeping at her.  
”Clarke” Lexa whispered. ”Please be careful tomorrow” Lexa was terrified for her girl, what if something happened to Clarke.   
”I promise” She whispers back. ”If you promise me one thing”  
”What?”  
”If something happened to me, don’t blame yourself.” Lexa sighed at this. ”I’m for real”  
”Okay Clarke, I promise… just please stay in the background a little and do know that I will order all my men to protect you first”  
”Good but you don’t have to that”  
”Please” Lexa pleaded.  
"Okay, be careful tomorrow"  
"Always, get some sleep now. I love you" Lexa spoke sleepy.  
”Good” Clarke agrees before she goes quiet for a minute or so before she finally gets the courage to say it back to her. ”I love you” she whispers but Lexa had fallen asleep, she didn't hear Clarke say those three words for the first time.  
***  
Thursday night 20:21

Clarke felt to the ground, someone or something hit her. She didn't care, she desperately looked all over for Lexa. She heard the gunshot, there where people screaming. Where was she? Another hit to her stomach, she looked up and saw a man probably around 25. He was just about to hit her again when she jumped up to fight back, that’s when she saw it. Nobody else noticed the body with all the fighting going on, there was blood. She screamed for help as she pushed the man in front of her to run to the lifeless body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where is all my lovely feedback, is the story getting boring? haha


	26. Truth or lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fighting

Lexa stand in the front with her best warriors by her side, Gustus and Lincoln. It was quiet as she walked away from her grounder to talk to Isak and Cage. Cage, the leader of the MW.  
”Lexa, long time no see” Cage scoffed as Lexa clenched her jaw, oh how she hated this man.  
”Cage” she nodded as she looked over at Isak, how disappointed she was with him was probably shown.   
”I don’t see what we’re waiting for” Isak stated as he smiled, he looked back at his men including the MW ’s and then back to the grounders. ”This should not take long” Lexa didn't answer that and Cage turned around to his warriors.  
”THE MW HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY AND ALONG WITH THE ICE NATION WE WILL TAKE OVER AND OBLITERATE THE GROUNDERS! BEGIN” he screamed as hundred of people started run towards each other.

Lexa had faith in her grounders, they we’re professional trained for this. They might be less of them but their skills was giving them advantage. She let her men and women pass her by as she backed down along with Gustus and Lincoln. It was stupid to ran into the mess and loose control immediately. As she overviewed the sight of fighting she could tell that it was pretty even, her grounders we’re doing well. They could handle more people than one at the same time and that was something they were not prepared of. 

***  
Clarke jumped at the smaller people, screaming to warn other and tried to some good in the chaos. She was not a trained warrior like the rest of them, she could defend herself a little but she would not be stupid and jump into something she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle. If she could avoid it, she would as long as possible. 

Every now and then she looked for Lexa, just to the see that she was okay and every time she almost got lost in how incredible good she was. It was amazing too see her in action, it was like no one could even come near her before they where knocked down to the ground. 

She also was surprised by Aden, a twelve year old child who could defense him self to full grown men. He was quick and smooth, everyone else was to slow to catch him. 

The grounders actually was winning at this point, the MW and Ice Nation had no chance to win.

***

Lexa could not be prouder, they we’re actually not gonna loose this. She never doubter her people but the fact that they had been almost twice as many people as them had made her worried. If they could just hold on a little longer they could walk out of this with the trophy. The side that gave up first had to step back and leave the streets to the winning team. Thats why they did this, the grounders had the most power in the city. They had ruled almost ever since Lexa took over and got her revenge for her parents, she was not willing to let that go. She could not loose now and it seemed like she did not have to after all. 

Lexa took a deep breath and looked around, where is Clarke? She glanced over the crowded area and saw blonde hair not too far away from her struggling with an man. She ran over and pushed the man to the ground before she took Clarke’s hand to drag her to the side, to give them a few seconds to talk.  
”Are you holding up?” Lexa asked as she looked curious at her.  
”Yes, so far. Are you okay?” Clarke answers as she caress Lexa’s cheek carefully and Lexa remembers she got hit.   
”I’m fine” she assures her.   
”We’re actually winning this Lexa” Clarke said with a smile as she proudly looked at the current fight that was going on around them.  
”I have faith in that, yes” Lexa smiled back. ”We can’t stand here any longer though” she continued as it was getting to dangerous.  
”Be careful” Clarke said as she leaned in for a kiss.  
”Always, I’m looking out for you too babe” Lexa answered as she deepened the kiss.

***

”COME ON” Cage screamed, his lungs must hurt from all the screaming. He was getting frustrated.   
Clarke watched as he yelled at his men, it was pretty awful and she could not understand that people wanted to be led by him. He was terrible he even hit his own people in this battle because they we’re doing bad. It was sick behavior.  
”Clarke” she felt herself being dragged backwards.  
”Isak what the hell” she muttered he let go of her. ”Are you really gonna fight me?”  
”No I want to warn you, follow me” he sounded more serious than she had ever heard him before, it was odd. They walked further away from the ongoing fighting.  
”Warn me about what?”  
”Listen, Cage is getting furious and I think he is about to bring guns into this fight” Isak said with a slight panic in his voice.  
”WHAT?!” Clarke bursted out. ”He can’t do that, don’t you have rules? Like no guns right? That’s not fair!”   
”I know, but the MW doesn’t care about rules, especially not Cage. He wants to win and he will do anything to win, you need to warn them” Isak was now rushing the conversation.  
”Isak, why are you telling me this?” Clarke was confused.  
”Lexa doesn’t trust me anymore, I understand why. If I talked to her she might believe I’m lying to her to get the grounders to give up.”  
”How can I be sure you’re not lying to me?” Clarke raised an eyebrow.  
”Fucking shit, I’m trying to do the right thing here. I might not like being fooled by the grounders but a fair fight is a fair fight. I don’t want this to end in a tragedy” Isak shook his head. ”Do what you want with this information, at least I gave it too you. I can’t stay here anymore” he said before he slowly started to run back into the fight and left Clarke totally conflicted.

***

What was she supposed to do with this information? Was Isak trying to trick her into spreading this rumor to make them back out? Or was he actually speaking the truth, she had no idea. He was sounding so sincere when he spoke and the topic was not something she could ignore if it was true. She had to talk to Lexa.

She ran into the mess once again, hoping to find Lexa or maybe Lincoln to inform them about what she had just been told. Thats when she got knocked down. Clarke felt to the ground, someone or something hit her. She didn't care, she desperately looked all over for Lexa. She heard the gunshot, there where people screaming. Where was she? Another hit to her stomach, she looked up and saw a man probably around 25. He was just about to hit her again when she jumped up to fight back, that’s when she saw it. Nobody else noticed the body with all the fighting going on, there was blood. She screamed for help as she pushed the man in front of her to run to the lifeless body.

”ADEN” she screamed in panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the not so fast update, I have been working crazy hours and have been to tired to update.  
> I will try to keep em coming much more regual, after this week I won't be working that much and will be able to post   
> a lot. Thank you for the feed back, I appreciate it a lot!


	27. Aden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the hospital

There was blood everywhere and she ripped her shirt to try to stop the bleeding from the boys chest.  
”HELP” Clarke screamed her lungs out but it seemed like no one could hear her, it was a total chaos around her. The gunshot had really triggered the fight and it al seemed rougher and more chaotic now. What the hell was she supposed to do?  
”Aden? Can you hear me” The boy had passed out and she was running out of time, she lifted the body with all the power she had left. It must been the adrenalin because the run away from the spot was to easy.  
”Aden don’t leave us okay” she talked as boy blinked a few times, lost. ”Stay awake you hear me, listen to my voice” she continued rambling about nothing until she reached her car that was parked close, she had some trouble getting him into the backseat but once she was settled she was driving like crazy to the hospital. On her way she called her mother to prepare them, she wanted Aden to get the best help he could get and to be honest, that was her mother.

”Clarke are you alright?” Abby greeted them outside the hospital.  
”It’s not me, it’s a twelve year old, he’s been shoot you have to help him” Clarke realized she cried now, she was a mess.  
”Okay” her mother spoke calm as some people we’re already transporting Aden inside the hospital and they followed. ”You have to wait here Clarke, we will take care of him from here. You did good okay!” her mother spoke firmly.  
”Save him mom” Clarke cried as the doors closed in front of her, what now? She leaned to the wall and slowly felled down to the cold floor. She sat there staring at nothing, what if he doesn’t survive?

***

Time has never passed by so slowly and Clarke was left alone with her thoughts only, she wanted to call the others, where they alright? Her friends? Lexa? There was guns involved, she had been warned but she hadn’t move fast enough. What if she had just screamed out the information, what if she had ran a little faster. She could have saved Aden from being shot, or could she? She knew that she was not supposed to think like this but it was hard to push these thoughts away. Right now it was all she could think about, she shook her head. Trying to magically shake the stress away, breathing slowly. Didn’t work, what a chock.

She left the spot she’s been spending the last hour at and stood up, looking down the hallway, left and right. What now? Maybe she could get some information from her mom now, an update about Aden. She asked for her mother in the reception but was told that Dr.Griffin could not be disturbed right now. Shit.

She saw the phone hanging on the wall further away down the hall and took some quick steps towards it, she dialed to only number she could remember.  
”Clarke” Raven almost answer directly. ”Thank god” she said when she heard Clarke’s voice.  
”Whats going on? Are you all alright?” Clarke asked quickly.  
”Yes, we’re all at the grounders backyard trying to count everybody and take care of the wounded, nobody got shot luckily we all seemed to get out of there before someone could get hurt” Raven said as she sounded relieved and Clarke swallowed. She really had been the only one to notice Aden.  
”Raven, I’m at the hospital”  
”CLARKE IS AT THE HOSPITAL” Raven yelled immediately in panic, probably to inform the others.  
”No no no… I’m fine Raven, it’s not me, it’s Aden” Clarke felt herself getting emotional again. How the hell could something like this happen? He was a kid he was supposed to play and have fun not fight and get shot.  
”No” Raven said in chock. ”What” she suddenly seemed speechless.  
”He’s been shot, tell Lexa and move your asses down here. We need you” Clarke sighed.  
”I will do that right away, see you there” the latina answered before she hanged up.

***

Not too long after Clarke was greeted with hugs and worried eyes from Lincoln, Lexa, Octavia, Raven, Anya and Gustus. There we’re more people down the lobby that was not allowed to wait up there with them. They we’re simply to many of them.  
”Are you wounded?” Lexa asked concerned as they all had settled in some hospital chairs.  
”No, are you?” Clarke asked but kept looking at the wall.  
”No, are you alright?” Lexa wondered and Clarke felt herself getting annoyed.  
”No, I’m not fucking alright Lexa. Aden just got shot, we don’t know if he will survive or not…We’re lucky everyone got out on time, this could easily turn into something much worse. So no Lexa, I’m not alright” Clarke repeated herself at the ending and Lexa stayed silent. She finally understood the blonde was not ready for some chit chat. 

***

Two hours later Abby entered the waiting room with the face Clarke recognized all to well, she had succeed. Aden was gonna be okay.  
”He’s stabile now, it will take some time but he will be perfectly fine” Clarke could almost feel the relief from everyone, the tension in the room got easier and smiles where now shown on every face. Anya and Lexa hugged each other and Lincoln and Gustus nodded towards each other, Clarke was still expressionless.  
”Clarke this is good news” Raven came up too her.  
”Yes babe, I know this must of been a hell to go through but he is going to be okay” Lexa agreed. Clarke could not really hear them, it was all blurry, how could someone celebrate this? Aden had been shoot, this was insane.  
”No” Clarke spoke.  
”Hey are you alright?” Octavia came up the girls as well.  
”This is still not okay, Aden is fine and that’s incredible news that’s what I been waiting for but I’m done” Clarke stood up. ”I can’t do this, this is insane… Lexa I’m sorry I can’t”  
”Clarke” Lexa stared at her in chock.  
”Calm down, it’s been a hectic day” Raven tried to calm her friend.  
”Yes and I don’t want to go through this again ever, I carried a child from a gun fight, this is not normal this is…” Clarke lost her words while she spoke, how could everyone be so damn calm? It got her even more upset.  
”Clarke…You’re still in chock, we’re all are but we are just glad that we’re all okay.” Octavia joined the conversation again.  
”I’ll take you home” Lexa stretched her hand out for Clarke to take it.  
”No, just leave me alone. I can’t do this anymore… It’s over Lexa.” Clarke ignored the hand and walked right through her group of friends, they yelled behind her but Clarke could not hear them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Some shorter chapters now but faster update. For now.


	28. Hypnotic gaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is sad, she's very sad.

”I know mom, i didn’t think straight.” Clarke felt like a child again while she was crying in her moms arms. It had been weeks since they spent some time together, crazy that something always had to happened for them to actually see each other.   
”A gun fight, you could of get hurt Clarke” Abby had been pretty upset when Clarke had explained to her what happened to the young boy. ”Did Lexa force you to this?” she asked.  
”No, never. It was me, I wanted to fight but now I realize it was stupid.” Clarke cried, she was so confused. Everything right now was a roller coaster and she just wanted to get off.  
”So why did you break up with her? It does not seem to make you very happy?” Abby stroked some tears away from Clarks cheeks.  
”Because, her lifestyle… I love her but I can’t go through that again. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced.” Clarke sobbed.  
”I don’t like you being in danger, so I can’t really disagree… It just seems like Lexa has some affect on you that I never seen someone else have on you. You must really love her?” her mother shifted a little in her position so Clarke could lay down next to her. They we’re actually in Abby's bed, Clarke had an nightmare and had came running into her moms arms like she had when she was younger.  
”I love her so much it hurts” she sobbed once more while her mom stroked her back, she continued doing that until her daughter calmed down and fell asleep.

***

One week later Clarke found herself going to school, she needed to get out of the house. She remember why she hated it the first place, why staying at Lexa was not only because of her. Well mostly of course, but she also was so glad to escape her miserable household. When her mother was there is was bearable but it was not often enough, mostly her mom came home to sleep only. So there she was staring at her locker while stressed students where passing her and loud noises came from everywhere. The jocks where talking loud, the girls where laughing like crazy some younger students where playing around to loud. 

She liked the noise, loud. It had been to quiet lately.

”Girl, didn’t expect to see you here” Clarke turned around and faced Octavia and Raven, she could not help but to throw herself into a group hug with them. Thank god they hugged back, she had been scared that they might be mad at her but deep down she knew that they where not.  
”I missed you” Clarke smiled in the hug.  
”Yeah, we figured we give you some space” Octavia said while they let go of each other.  
”Thank you, sorry if I was being rude at the hospital… It’s all kind off blurry” Clarke admitted.  
”It’s okay… Have you spoken to Lexa?” Raven asked.  
”She tried to call me, I just can’t talk to her… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Clarke suddenly felt sad at the thought of her now ex-girlfriend. She had been crying over her for a week but that did not seem to be enough, well she didn't believe it would be but at least it might of been easier now. No, hearing her name made it hard to breath and focus. It was crazy.  
”Clarke, you need to talk to her… She’s been kind of…” Octavia stopped her sentence and glanced over at Raven who shook her head.  
”What?” Clarke looked back and forth between her friends.  
”Well… she might take out you leaving her on everyone else. She’s been kind of a bitch to everyone, people are scared to even breath in front of her…”  
”Come on” Clarke rolled her eyes, did Octavia have to overstate it.  
”Just talk to her” Raven crossed her arms. ”She deserves some answers Clarke”  
”Since when are you on her side” Clarke had to roll her eyes again.  
”Just don’t ignore this Clarke… come on let’s go to class” Raven ended the conversation there, she knew it would of get to heated if they continued.

As they entered the class room Clarke immediately found green eyes staring at her, fuck. She looked away quickly before she rushed to their usual table and sat down. Her friends greeted the grounders before they sat down next to the blond.  
”Ignoring, really?” Octavia asked but it was nothing mean about the comment.  
”Shit, I don’t know yet… just give me some time” Clarke frowned as she panicked a little.  
The class felt like forever when the bell finally rang Clarke jumped out of her chair and ran out of the class room, once outside she actually felt her lungs filled with air. She could breath. Going to school was an stupid idea, before her friends could catch her outside she ran off. She could not be near Lexa right now.

***

”Do you have to walk so damn close to me” Lexa sighed as she turned around to her sister.  
”Fuck are you on a never ending period or something” Anya complained but stepped back a little.  
”Fuck off and just give some space okay” Lexa muttered before she continued walking towards her locker where Octavia and Raven where standing.  
”You’re in the way” Lexa rolled her eyes. ”Move” the girls did what they we’re told.  
”So Clarks first day?” Anya asked while her sister turned around at the name.  
”Didn’t last long” Raven shrugged.  
”She left” Octavia said while looking disappointed.  
”Is she okay” Lexa spoke her first calm words in days.  
”I don’t think so…she needed some time.”  
”Okay” Lexa said while looking blank, it was hard to read both of the girls these days.  
”You need to stop being a bitch though” Anya took the opportunity now that Lexa seemed more like herself.  
”Fuck off” her sister snapped. 

***

Clarke found herself at her fathers grave with tears in her eyes, she needed him so badly. Right now she missed him so much it actually hurt in her chest.   
”I always find myself coming to you when I fuck up, even when you’re dead you still seem to calm my nerves” she talked as she crouched down. ”I just can’t anymore… I can’t do anything, I can’t think straight fuck I’m talking to a fucking stone in hope to get some answers” Clarke wiped away some tears, she was tired of crying. She was actually getting mad at herself for crying so much. ”I knew what I was getting myself into, Lexa warned me… Hell she tried to break up with me to keep me out of this, I didn’t care so I don’t know why I reacted like this… Aden could of died, they tell me that I saved him, that without me he would of been dead. I can’t even visit him at the hospital, apparently he asks for me…” Clarke took a deep breath. ”Dad…why is my life always a battle, why can’t anything come easy for me? It’s always a fucking struggle… I need you right now, why did you leave me? How could you leave me” Clarke sobbed after that it was impossible to talk because she cried so hard.

Clarke skipped the school the next week as well.

***

It was Tuesday, her mother had forced her up from bed and almost had to push her daughter out of the door to get her to go to school. Clarke had been locked up in her room by her self since the day she visited her fathers grave. The sun almost hurt when the light hit her face and she had to hide her eyes under her hand to see where her car was parked. She fumbled with her keys before she got inside the driver seat and she sat there for a few second before she started the vehicle. Okay Clarke, you can do this.

She was early, she’s never this early, she was the first one in the class room and when her teacher came in he looked surprised at her. He didn’t say much expect for an hello though, she appreciated it. When her friends came in fifteen minutes later she looked at them with an apology look but it got mixed with concern when the inner circle walked in behind them, shit.  
”Clarke, it’s been a while” Lincoln was the first one to speak, the rest of them seem to be in chock to see her. She was glad he brooke the awkward silence.  
”Yeah… I was sick” Clarke lied and she knew no one believed her but still, it was easier to say than that she had been crying over Lexa for the passed days. Speaking of her, the brunette cleared her throat before she stepped a little bit further and locked eyes with blue, this time it was impossible to look away. Lexa’s eyes was filled with sorrow, hurt and worry and Clarke felt bad.  
”Can we talk later?” she asked and Clarke swallowed.  
”Yes” she finally was able to say after an intense staring, the brunettes gaze was almost hypnotic.  
”After class?” the brunette continued not breaking the gaze, almost like she was afraid Clarke would disappear if she blinked.  
”Okay” Clarke nodded and the inner circle moved to their table in the back. As soon as they where gone Clarke was jumped with Raven and Octavia, they hugged her hard and it felt good. It felt really good, she had missed her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Clarke is crying a lot.


	29. Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke shuts everyone out.

As the class ended Lexa got caught up in a heated conversation with Anya, Clarke had no idea what it was about but she saw the opportunity to sneak out of the class room without no one noticing her.

She was able to stay away from her friends until lunch, that’s when she was met with disapproval looks from the table in the corner. Shit. Well she could not avoid it forever, Clarke took a deep breath as she sat down next to Bellamy.  
”Really Clarke?” Raven stated as soon as the blonde got settled.  
”You need to talk to us, let us know what the fuck is going on” Octavia seemed to be slightly annoyed.  
”I’m sorry okay, I can’t help it.” Clarke really didn’t know how to explain, hell she barely understood anything herself.  
”Leave her alone” A common voice speak from the other side of the table, Lexa.  
”But she’s acting super weird, I need to know whats going on” Raven fired back at the brunette.  
”When she’s ready, she will talk. For now, if she’s not ready. Go easy on her” Lexa spoke calm and Clarke could not express how thankful she was. She looked up and gave Lexa a shy smile and a nod, Lexa nodded back.  
”Aden really wants to see you, you saved his life you know” Anya joined the conversation trying to explain to Clarke that she did something good.  
"I was to late, I could of stopped it” Clarke suddenly said witch made her and the table left in surprise and now she had to explain. ”Isak told me about the guns… I was on my way to tell Lexa when I heard the gunshot, I was to late” Clarke felt her eyes tear up, shit no. Not here, not now. She swallowed hard and took a long breath.  
”Clarke…” Raven started as Octavia took over.  
”This is not your fault, no one saw that one coming… They brought the guns into this, they are the bad guys”  
”Why did Isak warn you?” Lexa wondered.  
”He said something about a fair fight is a fair fight… I don’t know” Clarke wanted to leave this table, she hated this topic so much.   
”Don’t blame yourself for what those idiots did Clarke” Anya tried.

The last days Clarke actually had stopped blaming herself, she knew she could of not made it any different. She had gone through every possible scenarios but no, it was not her fault. She was not upset about that anymore, she was scared about the fact that was if she had lost someone. She knows how it feels to loose someone and for people to just ran into some dangerous fight for what? Some status? It was just incredible stupid in her eyes and how could she be with someone who constantly put herself in a position where she could end up dead? Was Clarke supposed to go around being scared, that one day they wont be this lucky? What if she gets a call telling her that Lexa was in the hospital and didn't make it. She didn't want to loose anyone. Her dad was heartbreaking enough - Clarke’s simple salutation was the break it now. It was silly she knew that but that was all she had right now.

The idea of loosing Lexa made her insane.

***

As Clarke walked out of the school to get to her car a familiar a voice yelled behind her.  
”Wait, Clarke” it was Lexa and Clarke spun around in her spot.  
”Hey” She said awkward having trouble facing Lexa.  
”Did I do something?” the brunette bursted out directly.  
”No, Lexa you have not”  
”Then what? What happened? Why did you break up? Don’t you think that I at least owe an explanation?” Lexa seemed frustrated and hurt while she spoke. ”Or are you gonna ignore me from now on? Just help me understand here!”  
”It’s to dangerous, it’s not you I just can’t do it anymore” Clarke talked nervously.   
”I don’t buy it, you knew my life. I warned you, I broke up with you to keep you out of it but you stayed. So are you gonna tell me the truth instead?” Fuck, Clarke knew Lexa was not stupid but she had hoped she didn’t push this hard.   
”That is the truth, I guess i realized it now” Clarke rolled her eyes, trying to make a point. She was obviously not telling the whole truth but still - she needed Lexa to believe that she did.  
”Bullshit Clarke” Lexa fired back.  
”Lexa” Clarke took a deep breath. ”I don’t want this” Clarke pointed between the them. ”Anymore, okay? I don’t know how to say it any other way, we are over.”   
”Apparently… You’re not the person I thought you were Clarke, how disappointing” Lexa answered, she looked hurt. Shit, Clarke had no intension to be so cruel.  
”Sorry to disappoint you” Clarke answer before she turned her heel and left.

This was not how she planned her conversation with Lexa.

*** 

Clarks heart melted when she saw the smile shown on Aden’s face as she entered the hospital room where he was staying.  
”Clarke” he greeted her and she leaned in for a careful hug so she would not hurt him  
”Sorry i took so long” she apologized.  
”You’re here now, finally I thank you in person. You saved my life!” he smiled. ”Thank you”  
”Of course” he moved in the bed so she could sit down. ”Are you okay kiddo?” she wondered.  
”Yes, I can go home tomorrow!” he said excited, Clarke was relieved he was so happy.  
”That’s awesome” she smiled, it really was amazing news.  
”How are you?” he said a bit worried.  
”Not to well…I’m a little bit confused I guess”  
”About?” he asked.  
”A lot… just trying to wrap my head around it all I guess. Made me disconnect from everyone”  
”That’s not good” That was true, it was not good but she could not really help it.  
”No, I take one day at the time. But I just wanted to warn you that I might not spend to much time at the grounder house anymore. Me and Lexa are not together anymore” Clarke felt her heart ache at saying it out loud.  
”That sucks” was the only thing that came out of the boy with a pouty face.  
”I know, it really does…” Aden put his arms around Clarke and she hugged him back and she felt a little bit better, all thanks to this wonderful boy she cared so much about.

***

Lexa stared at the blonde as she was leaning on her bike, Clarke was outside her car looking for something in her bag, probably her keys since she always seemed to misplace them. She would do anything to just be able to read her mind right now, what was going on in there? Everything had been fine, Clarke had told her so herself that she didn’t mind the grounder business. They were supposed to this together but no, Lexa had cared for someone who choose to walk out of her life again. Why did this always happen to her? Why did she even bother? Why did she let her heart care so much for the blond? She had no answer at this point. She believed it was the chock first and she was ready to get back to normal almost the next day but Clarke really shut her out this time. Not only her, everyone. 

To her surprise Clarke walked against her and Lexa stood up straighter when the girl arrived.  
”I’m sorry” the blonde said with a sincere look. ”Right now, my mind is just all over the place and I’m not quite sure myself what’s going on…”  
”I can wait” Lexa suggested but Clarke shook her head.  
”No… I don’t want you to do that”  
”Clarke… I love you, I want to be with you and if you need some time I will wait”  
”Lexa…” a honk from a motorbike interrupted them and they looked up and saw Gustus waving at them. ”Go” Clarke nodded.  
”No, what were you saying?” Lexa took Clarks hand but the blonde pulled back and the brunette felt her heart break a little and swallowed awkwardly.  
”I see you around” Clarke said as she rushed away from the spot, Lexa stared at her as she ran into school lost in the moment before she remember that Gustus was waiting for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little bit all over the place. Sorry about that.


	30. Like I would die tomorrow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MW is not giving

It was when biology class ended the lights in the school turned off, Clarke did not care since it happened from time to time when some students pranked around. Clarke rolled her eyes, that they never got tired of them same old tricks. When she got out of the classroom was when she realized this was not a prank, she was met with a group of people slamming the lockers and yelling in the hallway. It was the MW.   
”THIS IS A LOCKDOWN” suddenly was repeated in the speakers as some red light was blinking over every class room. Students started to panic as they rushed right and left, back and forth.   
”That’s Lexa’s girl” one of the men from the MW saw her and she panicked at the spot, shit. They started to walk towards her and it took her a good few seconds to remember how to run. She sprinted the opposite direction as the they stared to follow her, the laughed behind her. She began to ran faster as she passed a bigger group of students, this was her opportunity to disappear in the crowd, she lingered her body through the people when she suddenly felt herself being dragged backwards. Shit. A door slammed in front of her and when she turned around with her heart raising she could not been happier to see Lexa standing there.  
”Thank god” Clarke breathed out.  
”Did you loose them?” Lexa asked, Clarke noticed how the brunette took some steps back.  
”I think so, where are we?”   
”The cleaning stock” Lexa said and Clarke eyed the room, it was not big and she felt stupid for asking the question when she saw all the cleaning supplies.   
”Oh…”   
”We probably have to stay here for a while, so get yourself settled” Lexa informed her as she herself sat down on the floor with her back against the wall, Clarke followed her but on the opposite wall.

***

It was quiet, both of the girls lost in their minds but probably thinking the same things. Lexa just starting at the wall while Clarke was braiding her hair, trying to keep herself busily doing something. She could not take the awkward silence anymore, it was getting ridiculous.   
”I’m sorry” she said a she looked up.  
”You already said that” Lexa didn’t look back at her.  
”Well, I’m sorry for a lot of things” Clarke shrugged.  
”Like?” Clarke was starting to get annoyed with the fact that Lexa was not facing her.  
”Running of like I did, not explaining, disappearing… The list can go on for a while”   
”Are you sorry for breaking my heart?” Lexa locked eyes with blue, green eyes filled with hurt. Clarke was taken by surprise by the comment and found herself just lost looking at Lexa with the same hurtful look.  
”I never wanted to hurt you Lexa” Clarke said while a tears slipped down her eye, she quickly wiped it away. A sudden noise made the girls break their gaze and look around until they realized it was the speaker the sound came from.  
”HELLO STUDENTS, WE ARE NOT HERE TO HURT ANY OF YOU…” A short break ”IF YOU DO WHAT I ASK YOU TO, BRING CLARKE GRIFFIN TO THE PARKING LOT AND WE WILL LET YOU ALL FREE, OTHERWISE….” a evil laugh echoed in the school. ”I REPEAT, GIVE CLARKE GRIFFIN TO ME. YOU HAVE UNTIL 16:00” Clarke recognized the voice, it was Cage.  
”Shit” Lexa pushed the wall next to her.  
”What does he wants from me?” Clarke asked calm.  
”He probably wants to kidnap you to make me take a deal with him, since the fight did not end like it should of… in my eyes we won but he thinks we gave up. We can’t compromise and now he’s trying to get me like this instead. Fucking coward” Lexa spitted.

***

They girls had decided to stay in their little hiding place for now, they had time. The clock was only 11:34, they hoped the MW would maybe just give up. What harm could they really do? Clarke did not have to turn her self in, they just had to wait this one out.  
”Clarke please talk to me, this is not like you…” Lexa said after some quiet minutes.   
”I didn’t know what I was upset about first” Clarke started but struggled to keep going.  
”Now you know?” Lexa asked as she tried to help the blond.  
”I’m not scared about your lifestyle, well part of it… You probably think it’s silly” Clarke looked away as she felt her cheeks get heated.  
”Try me” Lexa said serious.  
”I’m scared of loosing you” Clarke said shy as she was still looking away.  
”But…You broke up with me?” Lexa tried to understand. ”And you don’t want to loose me?”  
”I don’t want you to die” Clarke bursted out as she now looked at the brunette upset. ”That whats scares me and I thought it would be easier to break up with you so I don’t have to loose you”  
”Clarke…Even if you’re with me or not. Relationship or not, if I die… you’d still loose me. You can’t go around being scared to be with people because they might die. That’s not really living”  
”Maybe it wont hurt as much” Clarke knew her logic was pretty strange but she thinks loosing her father made her more scared about the fact of fatality. It was possible and it was real.  
”It would probably hurt more since you wasted your time worrying instead of just being happy” Lexa said while she jumped her body to sit next to Clarke. ”Don’t push me away because you’re afraid I might die, everyone can die tomorrow you just don’t know. I know death is scary but being afraid of it is not healthy living”   
”I know…” Clarke admitted, it felt so good to finally come clean to Lexa and she was so understanding. The brunette locked eyes with blue, staring concerned.  
”I can’t promise I wont die, I’m sorry but no one can promise that. What I can do is promise to love you like I would die tomorrow.” Lexa spoke and Clarke somehow felt some relief in her chest, maybe thats what she needed to know. Something she could hold on to. ”Come back to me Clarke” Lexa pleaded as the green eyes teared up a little.  
”I love you” Clarke cried out as Lexa put her arms around the blonde, Clarke leaned on Lexa’s shoulder and she cried. Lexa comforting whispering sweet nothings to her ear, the blond had to just let it all out, she needed Lexa.

***

They had bit sitting in each other arms in silence for a while when Cage’s voice echoed from the speakers once more.  
”TO SPEED THIS UP A LITTLE I THOUGHT I COULD OFFER CLARKE FOR A TRADE” a girls scream made the girls jump a little in their position. ”DON’T LISTEN TO HIM” Anya screamed. ”I GOT ANYA HERE, I WONT HURT HER IF YOU CLARKE MEET ME IN THE PARKING LOT, I GIVE YOU 30 MINUTES” A pip and the message ended.   
”Shit” Lexa frowned as she stood up, she helped Clarke get to her feet as well.  
”I’ll go meet him” Clarke said as it was obvious.  
”It’s dangerous” Lexa started pacing.   
”We don’t have much of a choice, you said so yourself Cage is crazy we I have no idea what he might do to Anya, I can’t let that happen” Clarke insisted.  
”But…” Lexa stopped in the middle of her sentence as Clarke was smiling at her. ”Do you find this funny?” she said instead.  
”No, but I might have an idea”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know what to write here, haha thanks for the feedback guys!


	31. Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a pizza party!

”Clarke what the fuck” Anya sighed when the blond walked out on the parking lot.  
”You might be annoying but I wont let them hurt you because of me” Clarke answered serious.  
”Good girl” Cage smiled big. ”Let her go” he nodded towards Anya and the brunette got pushed away. Anya looked conflicted at she stared at Clarke, like she didn’t know what to do.  
”It’s okay Anya” Clarke assured her as she looked back where Lexa and the inner circle was standing observing them. ”Go” Clarke nodded.

Anya began to walk and two men grabbed Clarke arms and dragged her into the van that was parked next to them.   
”Wait” Cage yelled and stopped his men. ”I think we need to show Lexa how serious we are first” he smirked as he whispered something to one of the men holding onto Clarke. Suddenly the men shifted position and one of the men held Clarke both arms behind her back and she faced the other one. She swallowed, fuck. The men punched her hard in the stomach and she lost her breath, it hurt so bad. She stood there feeling helpless as the man in front of her actually seemed to look concerned.   
”Again” Cage ordered, the man closed his eyes before he hit her in the face this time.  
”CAGE” Clarke recognized Lexa’s voice and she opened her eyes to see the grounders running towards her.  
”Stop them” Cage ordered three other men who pulled out their guns that made the inner circle stop at their spot and raise their hands.  
”You want me Cage, let her go” Lexa said calm, looking over apologizing to Clarke.  
”You can have her, if you give me the streets” Cage smirked.  
”You can’t do that Cage, you can’t make me choose between her and my people” Lexa looked straight into Cage’s eyes.  
”Oh yes, yes I can”   
”Because I would never choose anyone over my people” She said firmly, Cage looked at her obviously shocked by her words.  
”Alright then” he said. ”Let’s go” the men pushed Clarke into the van and closed the doors.  
***

They drove of quick from the schools parking lot and either of them said much, it seemed like they had failed their plan and felt defeated. Clarke could at the moment just think of her pain in her stomach and her face, it was defiantly gonna leave bruises.  
”So you girl doesn’t care that much about you after all” Cage broke the silence as he looked over at Clarke who was sitting between two of his men. She didn’t answer him.  
”I mean, it does not surprise me really, she’s a cold hearted bitch who only cares about herself” he continued and Clarke was trying her best not to let him get to her, he was just trying to provoke her.  
”That she would care about anything else but her grounders, that was my mistake though…” he seemed to think about it. ”so what are we gonna do about you now?” he scoffed.

***

Lexa was pacing back and forth on the parking lot, fuck. This was not how it was supposed to happen, they had a plan and Cage just had to ruin it. They where so close but of course he had to take Clarke with him, this was driving her insane. The thought of Clarke being kidnapped again and all because of her.  
”Why the hell did you say that?” Anya grabbed Lexa’s arm to stop her from moving.  
”What? I can’t just let him win like that?” Lexa questioned her. ”We worked so hard for this I’m not just gonna let it go without a fight!”  
”So you’re willing to let go of Clarke?” Anya popped her eyebrows.  
”This is not about Clarke, he is threatening my whole family. He’s threatening the grounders Anya, our family I thought you of all people would understand!” Lexa crossed her arms.  
”Yes, but Clarke is family too”   
”Don’t worry about it, I’m gonna fix this. It’s okay!” Lexa tried to assure her sister with a smile. ”I got this!”

***

Clarke closed her eyes in the chair she was currently sitting in, they had taken her to the MW safe house. It had been probably two hours already and she had just been sitting there staring. No one seemed to pay her much attention and she was getting bored and hungry.  
”Is there any food here” she sighed.  
”Do you think this is an hotel?” a man asked her.  
”What are you gonna do? Starve me to death?” she rolled her eyes.  
”I order pizza” someone said behind her and she reacted to how young his voice sounded.  
”Kid, you’re to nice” the man scoffed and Clarke had to look back and her eyes went big when she saw who was dialing the phone.  
”Hey can I get three pepperoni pizza… extra cheese please” It was Aden! Clarke gave him a questioned look but he stayed in character. ”Send it to this address, wait… does anyone want something else?” he looked at the men who shook their heads in response. ”That’s all” he waited a second as the other person on the line probably was taking in his order. ”30 minutes? Yes, thanks”   
”So the pizza will be here in 30 minutes?” Clarke asked just trying to act normal even though she was confused.  
”Yes, the pizza will be here soon” Aden nodded but it felt like he was not talking about Pizza at all and Clarke seemed to finally catch on.  
”Thank god, I’m starving!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for a short chapter after so long, I feel bad posting it so short but I wanted to update.  
> I had a crazy schedule and did not have time to write, I will try to keep regular updates from now on.


	32. You're beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grounders visit the MW safe house.

As soon as they where alone in the kitchen Clarke turned to Aden with a confused and worried look.  
”Pizza is Lexa” he whispered as it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
”Sort of understood that, how did you get here?” Clarke asked.  
”I pretended to be homeless and they offered to take me in, they have been treating me like a slave since I got here, they’re awful”  
”Hopefully we’ll get out of here soon” Clarke gave him an assuring smile and he nodded in response. 

Twenty minutes later a knock on the front door made Clarke and Aden exchange knowing looks as one of the MW men stood up to get the door. It took a few seconds before they heard a loud noise and the man screaming.   
”Aden?” Lexa yelled. ”Clarke?” the blonde could hear how the MW men started moving in the house to locate the unfamiliar noises.  
”In here!” Clarke yelled back as she took Aden’s hand to go meet Lexa, as soon as they got out of the kitchen they saw the hallway that was packed with people now.  
”Get out of here!” Lexa yelled to Clarke as she struggled with a man two feet taller than her. ”Lincoln, take them out of here know” Lexa spitted as she got pushed to the floor.  
”Gustus!” Lincoln raised his voice and pointed to Lexa. ”I’m getting them out, look out for her!” Gustus knocked the man in front of him to the ground and moved his way to help Lexa while Lincoln was pushing Clarke and Aden out of the chaos.   
”Stay in the car, lock the doors, I’m getting them out of there!” Lincoln was a little out of breath while he spoke and he rushed them to get into the backseat of the car so he could ran back inside.

Aden and Clarke was sitting in silence, wondering what was taking so long. It had at least been five minutes, felt like forever, but they where just supposed to get out of the house. A few more minutes passed before the front door swung open and Gustu’s stormed out, behind him Lincoln who had Lexa’s body in his arms. What the hell? Clarke felt her heart raise immediately, what happened? Gustu’s opened the door on Aden’s side. ”Get in the back!” he ordered stressed as Aden quickly jumped back and Lincoln carried Lexa’s body inside of the car.  
”Help me” he said and Clarke carried Lexa so her head was resting on her lap. ”Hold, pressure!” he breathed as he slammed the door and jumped to the front seat and Gustus was ready and took of.  
Clarke searched for the wounded area and saw blood on Lexa’s shirt, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Stay calm Clarke, you can do this. She took off her sweat-shirt and pressed it Lexa to stop the bleeding.  
”Clarke” the brunette whispered, Clarke took her free hand to hold Lexa’s cheek, she was sweating and she looked pale.  
”Hang in there” Clarke whispered as she pressed a kiss to Lexa’s forehead.  
”Take her to the hospital, my mom can help her!” Clarke yelled to Gustus.  
”No, we are going to Niyhla” he responded.   
”What happened?” Aden screamed from the back.  
”She was stabbed with a knife” Lincoln answered and Clarke looked down at Lexa once again, stabbed? Shit. Lexa just stared at the blond with big eyes, showing no emotions.  
”What’s wrong?” Clarke wondered.  
”Nothing, you’re just so beautiful” and it looked painful but Lexa smiled and Clarke caressed the brunettes cheek carefully.   
”schh.. this is not the time to flirt babe” Clarke could not help but giggle. ”You’re hurt”  
”But you’re not!”

*** 

When they had arrived at the grounders safe house, Niyhla had been waiting outside ready to take care of Lexa. She had some men who helped her and she had ordered that only the people who could offer her some sort of help was allowed to be in the basement where they were treating the brunette. Clarke had been walking around the house restless and worried for the passed two hours waiting to hear something new, Anya had been sitting on the same chair just staring at the wall not saying a word since they got home. 

Loud noises from downstairs made Clarke jump from her spot and she immediately ran downstairs and was not pleased at all to see that Isak had stormed their safe house with two of his men.  
”How dare you show your face in here” Gustus spitted as he was standing super close to Isak with his fist held high.  
”Can we do something?” Isak asked calm.  
”Yes get out of here” Lincoln answered.  
”We heard what the MW did at your school today and now Lexa, we want to help” Isak took a step back to get some distance between him and Gustus.  
”You have done enough”  
”Fair enough” Isak nodded and turned around as his men followed as the front door closed behind them Clarke suddenly rushed from her spot.  
”Isak wait” she yelled.

***

As Clarke came back inside the house Niyhla was standing in the living room talking to all the grounders who had come together to show their Heda support.  
”She will be alright but she needs to rest” Clarke took in her words, Lexa was okay and she was finally able to relax her shoulders and a sound of relief came out of her mouth. It caught some attention and they all stared at her.  
”What did you want to talk about with Isak?” Lincoln asked changing the topic and making everyone look at her confused.  
”Just to tell him he's an ass” Clarke lied.  
”Like he said, fair enough” Gustus scoffed from the corner rating his beer as a cheer to Clarke.  
”Can I see her?” Clarke asked looking at Niyhla instead to avoid the subject.  
”Yes, but only you. She asked for you and thats it” Niyhla looked around in the room to make sure everyone understood her order. ”She’s in her room, call me or text me if there is anything, okay?”   
”Okay” Clarke nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Clarke up to? hmmm


	33. Teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to school

Lexa opened her eyes slowly and she woke up with a smile a she saw blonde curls and naked skin right next to her. She moved a little and felt the pain in her chest immediately, it had been three days but it was now the pain began to be awful. Every move and every breath hurt but she kept that to herself, she didn’t want to worry - or look weak. The only person she seem to not be able to fool was Clarke, she had been taking care about her 24/7 since she got stabbed. Lexa loved it, she loved to have someone who took care of her but that was her - or their little secret. Clarke did not seem to mind, Lexa had been stubborn in the beginning but as soon as she gave in she could not resist the rest of it.   
”Are you in pain?” Clarke whispered with her eyes still closed. ”Did I hurt you last night?” Lexa could not help but chuckle.  
”I did not scream in pain last night babe” Lexa smiled as she leaned down to kiss the blondes forehead and Clarke giggled in return.  
”There is some pills at the desk that Niyhla left for you last night, they should help ease the pain. Take them after breakfast, not on a empty stomach” Clarke babbled and Lexa rolled her eyes, not in an annoyed way more like - you’re so adorable.  
”Do you want to watch more episodes of Game of thrones today?” Lexa asked as Clarke stretched out her body, the brunette could not help but stare - because damn. This woman was beautiful and right now her whole body wanted to grab Clarke and make love to climax. The pain stopped her though, it was bad this morning… really bad.  
”I actually have to run some errands today but later tonight?” Clarke sat up in the bed and reached for a nearby t-shirt.  
”Okay” Lexa said with a pouty face, that sucked. The reason she had been able to stay in bed these days was because of Clarke.  
”And don’t even think about it, you’re staying in bed” Clarke looked back in an knowing look. ”Anya will keep her eyes on you today”  
”I wasn’t…” Lexa tried but as Clarke looked at her and popped her eyebrows she stopped talking, there was no point in denying it.  
”What do you want for breakfast?” Clarke then smiled and walked over to Lexa’s side of the bed, the brunette stood up and smirked.  
”You” she winked as Clarke at moment was speechless envying Lexa’s naked body in front of her. Lexa was teasing her she knew that but she sort of loved the way the blonde looked at her with desire in her eyes.  
”Such a tease” Clarke voice was rather husky now, the blonde moved closer and cupped Lexa’s cheeks before she pressed their lips together, it was careful and sweet. ”But I know you’re in pain baby” Clarke whispered with closed eyes. ”I don’t want to hurt you and I am fighting every nerve in my body to not push you back to that bed right now, so please stop teasing” Clarke breathed and opened her eyes to find a grinning Lexa.  
”I’m sorry babe, how about pancakes?”   
”That’s better and put this on” Clarke agreed as she picked up Lexa’s shirt that she had helped her out of last night. Lexa just laughed as she accepted the shirt, she did not regret any of the teasing.

***

”So you still go to this school?” Raven teased as Clarke greeted them in the hallway later that morning.  
”Shit, why do people like to tease me all the time?” Clarke rolled her eyes as she hugged Octavia.  
”Because you’re so easy to teas hun” Raven laughed, she always seemed to find herself so funny.  
”Who have been teasing you?” Octavia asked with a smirk and Clarke felt her cheeks get heated.   
”Shut up you guys!” Clarke tried to sound serious but she could not help but laugh herself with her friends.

The day was pretty eventless, mostly classes that Clarke found herself being very confused with lately. She had been slacking, she had missed a lot and it was her to keep track of everything. She really needed to get her shit together, school was important. It had always been important to her or at least the classes she enjoyed taking. During the day she realized that she was really behind in most of her classes, she had missed tests and homework she had no idea even existed. It was not that she was surprised by the fact it was just that finally realizing it sucked. She had pushed it away to the point where she hoped it was maybe okay but facing reality and basically know you’re fucked was a shitty feeling.

As the school ended she said good bye to her friends and walked alone to the schools parking lot, Isak was already there waiting for her.  
”Hey sugar!” Isak greeted her.  
”Don’t” Clarke answered as she jumped behind him on his motorbike, this was not the same feeling as riding with Lexa. She realized she missed it, it had been a while since Lexa drove her around, them speeding on the roads or visiting random places. Her curling her arms around the brunette and leaning on her back, that was a feeling she could never get tired of.  
”You need to hold on Clarke” Isak scoffed and Clarke put her hands on his sides, it was not awkward but it was not really not awkward either.  
”I feel like a 50-year old perv, I don’t bite” Isak scoffed as he started the vehicle, he speeded up quick and Clarke had no other choice than to bring her arms around him to not fall off. ”There you go!” he laughed and Clarke laughed herself, he was such a douche.   
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	34. Undercover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isac and Clarke have plans

Lexa stared at the clock in her left corner, it was almost midnight and there was no sign of   
Clarke. She wanted to get up and go look for her but the pain right now was terrible. She could not move and she was sweating and was out of breath by just laying in bed. 

These last weeks, even months with Clarke had been a roller coaster, she didn’t want to get of but she would of love to just stay at the top for a little while. That feeling when you’re so excited and happy, those quiet minutes of just joy and fear. Thats where she wanted to stay for a little while, just enjoying it with Clarke.

Just as she was about to get some sleep the door cracked open and her girlfriend was sneaking in.  
”Where have you been” Lexa asked breaking the silence making Clarke jump.  
”Shit you scared the shit out of me” Clarke breathed while trying adjust her eye sight in the dark.  
”You didn’t answer my question” Lexa said disappointed.   
”I had some things to take care of, sorry I’m late babe” Clarke answered casually as she leaned in to leave a kiss on Lexa’s forehead. ”But I been thinking about you all day, how are you feeling?”   
”It’s been worse today but I think that means its getting better”  
”Really?” Clarke rolled her eyes but Lexa couldn’t see since the blonde was changing to her night wear.   
”What, I can hear you roll your eyes all the way to here” Lexa stated.   
”Are you trying to convince me that you’re feeling better so I will let you out of bed” Clarke smirked as she crawled beside Lexa under the sheets. The brunette shifted in pain and dragged her arm around Clarke and moved closer. Every move was painful - but worth it.  
”You don’t have to spoon me if its only painful my love” Clarke smiled actually enjoyed being in Lexa’s arms even though she knew it was hurtful for the brunette to get to that position.  
”Clarke, I want to hold my girl when I sleep… That’s not a crime right?” Lexa chuckled.  
”I just don’t want to hurt you even more silly” Clarke smiled as she turned her head around already met halfway by Lexa in a kiss. ”Love you” The blonde mumbled in the kiss.  
”Love you more” 

***

”Hey Clarke!” Raven screamed in the hallway, it was Monday and Clarke had not seen her friends for a while. Lexa was finally better and was actually standing next to her forcing her first day back in school.   
”Hey!” Clarke greeted her friend with a long hug. ”Missed you” she mumbled in her friends neck.  
”How much” Raven joked grabbing Clarks ass.  
”Alright that’s enough” Lexa informed the friend pulling Clarke back into her arms.  
”Sorry, forgot that you dated a soldier… my bad sir” Raven winked at Lexa who just rolled her eyes with a smile as an answer. ”Stop being such a stranger Clarke!” Raven stared back at the blond.  
”What she said!” Octavia joined them with Lincoln right behind her. ”We miss you”  
”That’s probably my bad, she’s been taking care of me” Lexa confessed.  
”It’s not your fault babe, I love taking care of you” Clarke smiled kissing Lexa on the cheek.  
”Get a room!” Raven whined.  
”Stop being jealous” Anya scoffed joining them as well.   
”Me jealous? Never!”   
”So last night when that guy hit on me you did not punch him in the face?” Anya popped her eye brows.  
”Oh fuck of, that’s not the same thing”   
”Isn’t that cute” Lexa smirked making Octavia and Lincoln chuckle. Clarke was getting distracted by Isaac standing further away in hallway telling her to come talk to him.  
”Hey I’ll be right back, save me a spot okay” she kissed Lexa quick on the cheek, everyone was still into the conversation not really realizing Clarke was sneaking away, it was good timing. 

”Please like call or text before you show up you idiot” Clarke said annoyed when they finally had found a place to talk, an empty class room.   
”You didn’t answer me” Clarke looked for her phone and indeed saw 3 missed calls and two texts from Isaac.   
”Okay, sorry”  
”I’m fucking undercover I can’t really meet you over dinner for everyone to see” Isac said with a serious look that then turned into a smile. ”Even if you would of loved that” he winked.  
”You need to stop doing that, we’re both sort of dead if our people find out about this” Clarke rolled her eyes annoyed. ”Any news?” Clarke asked, changing subject.  
”Well Cage is furious, he wants to kill Lexa” Clarke felt her heart stop beating for a second and her body failing her for a moment.  
”What did you just say?” she asks shocked.   
”That move he pulled here at school is just the beginning, he’s not gonna play fair… he wants like I said Lexa dead” Clarke had to take a few seconds to actually take the word in… dead? How could you wish to se someone else dead, that was crazy to her. The MW was not playing the same ”game” as the rest of the gangs, they did not belong with their fights and business.  
”You have to tell him no, he can’t kill Lexa! You have…” Clarke was lost in her words, she found it hard to speak. ”Isac help me, I can’t loose her”  
”I owe her one, I’ll see what I can do.” Isac was serious now. ”I don’t want her dead either and from what information you gave me…” Isac shrugged. ”If I had not jumped to conclusion this would never had happened”  
”Well it’s done now, now we just have to get rid of the MW and” Isac interrupted her.  
”and Costia…”

***

Isac had just left Clarke, she had help him sneak out unnoticed and she glanced at the clock. Shit, lunch already? She moved her body to meet her friends for lunch. She felt so bad for keeping this from everyone but no one trusted the Ice Nation. She understood why, it was just the way Isac had stormed in the other day, eyes full of regret asking to help. She could feel it was real and when she had followed him he actually cried for forgiveness. She said that if he helped her, she would help him get on good terms with the grounders again. She didn't know how or if she could trust him, if he helped her? That only time would tell, she had some faith in him at least. Isac had now promised to calm Cage, he had promised to not let him kill Lexa. She believed that, he wanted them to co-work again, like they did before. This time maybe even better, at least that’s what he said. She still did not trust him completely, she would be foolish if she did.

”Hey where did you disappear?” Anya wakes Clarke up from her thoughts and she realizes she’s been grabbing food and dragging her feet to their normal table, totally lost in her mind. ”You missed first class” Anya adds and now all her friends was looking at her as she was sitting down, she needed to lie, she hated it.  
”Um, my mom called and we ended up talking forever and I forgot the class actually, when I remember it was only like 20 minutes left so I decided to study in the library instead” That could easily have been the truth, it had happened a lot. Her friends knew that when her mother called or when Clarke called, they could talk for a while.   
”Abby alright?” Raven wonders as she grabs a bite from her sandwich.   
”Yes, just catching up. She’s been calling more recently” Clarke asks grabbing her own sandwich to take her first bite.  
”You okay?” Lexa stares at her from the other side of the table and Clarke gives her an assuring smile and nods as her mouth is filled with food.   
”You know what we need?” Anya speaks again. ”A night to relax, all of us” Raven hums in agreement.   
”A party?” Octavia asks.   
”Or just some beers and games, whatever. We all need it, poor Clarke can’t even call her mother without all of us pissing out pants wondering if somethings up” Clarke felt bad as she was actually keeping stuff from them, she hid her emotions taking another bite of her food.  
”Or just a good old house party, for everyone to come” Lincoln smiles, enjoying the subject. ”Heda?” he looks over to look at Lexa who seems to think.   
”Maybe we do need it” she answers. ”What do you think Clarke?”  
”Friday?” the blonde smiles and everyone agrees. 

That was a good way to distract everyone, at least that’s what Clarke was thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIII!!! 
> 
> I'm so so so sorry about the bad update, that's on me. I thought I would be able to keep writing when I was away, but it was almost impossible to get time - you know life, life sometimes gets in the way - haha. I recently got back home and if someone is still interested in reading this story I will keep write it. I leave you this chapter too see the response. I'm thinking a few of you gave up on it. 
> 
> But here it is - I'll wait and see what you think. If you want more, I'm glad to keep writing the story!


	35. Let's dress up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday and the grounders are ready to party

Clarke was running around her room - or Lexa’s room - in her underwear trying to find something to wear for tonight. The week had fly by and before she knew it, it was Friday.  
”I got nothing to wear Lexa, all my clothes are back at my moms, I think I ran out of shit” Clarke whines through the bathroom door where Lexa is taking a shower.  
”Clarke you have more than enough clothes - otherwise just borrow something from me” Lexa chuckles behind the door.  
”You don’t understand” Clarke wines. ”Can I take anything I want from you?” Clarke smirked as she hears the brunette turn off the shower.  
”Yes babe, anything - we can get more clothes for you tomorrow” Lexa yells back probably tired of fighting about clothes with Clarke, but she keeps a smile on her face.

When Lexa gets out from the bathroom she sees Clarke standing in almost only her underwear, leaning against the wall. The only thing that covers some of her body is Lexa’s grounder jacket, that sneaky little…  
”You said anything” Clarke smirks as Lexa walks closer, her eyes darkened, filled with hunger.  
”Well you know that’s the only thing you can’t take” Lexa breathes in Clarke’s neck, smelling fucking fantastic after her shower. ”What am I supposed to wear” Lexa tries to hide a laugh before she gets back to her seriousness.  
”Is that really my problem” Clarke teases her and Lexa takes a step back and drops her towel, Clarke gasps and suddenly her body screams for her girlfriend.  
”You look so fucking sexy in that jacket” it’s almost more of a whisper as Lexa pushes Clarke to the bed and straddles over her - completely naked - and she know it was killing Clarke to and she loved it.  
”Come here” Clarke pleads grabbing Lexa’s neck to meet in a desperate kiss. They make out and Clarke manages to turn them around so she’s on top. She begins to take of the jacket when Lexa stops her.  
”Please keep it on” she smirks as one hand goes behind Clarke’s back and she steals the blonds bra instead. ”Fuck” she breathes, proud of what she accomplished and stunned by the girl in front of her, she needed more of Clarke - now.

***  
”What was taking you so long, I need your help” Anya says annoyed as Clarke enters the kitchen downstair. She wanted to say that she just had the best sex with Lexa in weeks and it was a hard time pulling away from her girl and she had to take a shower once again - with Lexa - having more fantastic sex.  
”What do you need” she asks instead.  
”Since Raven wanted this fancy whatever you call it party I need help in the backyard and please tell me you’re not wearing that?” Anya rolls her eyes looking at Clarke.  
”I don’t have anything to wear” Clarke answers annoyed.  
”She wanted everyone to have a nice dress - they guys to wear a suit” this she directs to one of their new guest who sighs. Lincoln had been collecting suits for everyone who didn't have one to borrow.  
”Well, I didn’t think about bringing my afternoon cocktail dress here. I’m sorry” Anya seems to think. ”Lexa?”  
”Borrowing a shirt is fine but I tried on a dress, she’s much taller and thinner and it looked terrible, Lexa lied and said that it was fine but I know you would of laughed your ass off” Clarke remembers stepping awkwardly out to check herself in the mirror with the dress she borrowed from Lexa, it was awful. Lexa had been very nice about it but she knew it looked terrible and the brunette didn't argue much when she wanted to change… again.  
”You can borrow one from me but first help me out okay?”  
”Okay”

***

After a lot of following all of Anya’s orders Clarke was finally released to get changed, Octavia and Raven had arrived in beautiful dresses and had looked disappointed at Clarke. She had assured them, especially Raven that she was gonna change. 

Raven gets her ideas and when she do everyone just deals with it, after a lot of planning this party she had gotten the idea that we all should just go all in. Since we wanted to forget some of the bad she thought dressing up would be the perfect idea to distract us from it. We all went it, to be honest is sounded fun. 

Lexa was wearing a black tight dress, short but not to short and it did well on her slim body, she looked amazing and Clarke could not help but to stare at her while she was preparing some cocktails chatting with Gustu’s.  
”Hurry up Clarke!” Raven yells from where she is setting up the speakers.  
”I’m on my way” Clarke answers as she gets moving. 

”Wow” Lexa stares at Clarke with big eyes as she get’s back to the backyard, now wearing a long beautiful blue dress that made her eyes sparkle. ”You look” Lexa just stands there staring at her and Clarke brings her arms around her.  
”You to” she says kissing the brunette on the cheek. 

The evening goes by fast, everyone is enjoying themselves having a good time with each other. It was really a great idea to throw this party and it was fun to see everyone all dressed up. It was when everyone maybe had one to much to drink that Clarke got a text from Isaac.

To: Clarke  
From: Isaac

Can we meet and talk? 

Too: Isaac  
From: Clarke

Yes. Meet me at our spot.

Clarke makes sure no one noticed she was on her phone and everyone was to distracted to notice anything. She looked for Lexa, she was playing cards with her inner circle. Perfect.

***  
”A little do dressed up for this” Isaac scoffs when Clarke arrives.  
”Where having a party” Clarke rolls her eyes. ”I can’t be gone to long”  
”Well let’s say I have good and bad news Clarke” Isaac looks like he’s about to give Clarke some bad news only.  
”Spill it”  
”Well, Cage is not gonna kill Lexa.”  
”That’s good news!” Clarke feels relived. ”Thank you!”  
”Well Cage was not understanding why I didn’t want him to kill Lexa.. you know I have been arguing with him about this all week.”  
”yeah?”  
”And he thought I gave him the great idea that he should kill you instead of Lexa, that it would hurt more” Isaac looks upset by the fact. ”I’m sorry Clarke” he adds and she has to sit down to take in the news.  
”It’s better me than her” she sighs. ”Fuck”  
”I’m gonna fix this! But I wanted to come here and tell you to be careful”  
”I will”  
”Maybe if you tell Lexa about this and we could um work together and end all of this for once”  
”They’re gonna kill me if they found out that we’re talking and trying to convince them to trust you after what you did…” Clarke has no words, the situation is messy.  
”Well you seem to have a good impact on them I want to make make it up to them”  
”We’ll figure something out, I have to go”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooa!
> 
> Really glad you liked last chapter and want me to continue.  
> What do you think about Clarke and Isaac as a team?


	36. Backstabbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a realization.

Lexa sat in her office going through everything to understand why Isaac felt like he was betrayed. She had everything under control, her grounders had not done anything wrong. Or at least not the area she was controlling. She sat up straighter as she realized that she wasn’t the problem, how could she not have thought about this sooner… Costia that sneaky little bitch. She got up to her feet and almost ran down the stairs and into the living room.  
”Meeting now, spread the word” she looked at Gustus and then she disappeared to the basement. 

***

”Costia?” Anya spit through her teeth.  
”Are we sure about this?” Lincoln asked, always being the wise man as he his.  
”That’s only way this could of happen she controls that business and every month she gives me an update, it was going very well and I didn’t mind to ask why. I trusted her and thats my bad” Lexa explains.  
”Well she has betrayed you more than once Lexa, you should be done fucking trusting her!” Anya was angry, Lexa understood her sisters anger. She had never been a big fan of Costia and when she cheated on her she had every right to not like her.   
”So what are we gonna do?” Indra asks. ”She’s not worthy of being a grounder”  
”I’m gonna talk to her and I want all of you with me” Lexa states. ”I give more details later, you’re free to go” and then she’s the first one to leave the room. 

As she enters the living room Clarke opens the front door and they almost look at each other in shook.   
”Hey” the blonde smiles awkwardly.   
”Hey” the brunette leans in the leave a quick kiss on her cheek. ”Where you been?”  
”Just for a walk” Clarke lies, she had been doing a lot of lying lately and she had a hard time facing Lexa because of it. ”You look upset?” she asks as she could read her girlfriend pretty good.  
”Grounder stuff” Lexa shrugs.  
”Okay…” Clarke wants to ask but since she’s keeping secrets herself she not really in the right position to push Lexa.  
”I don’t want to get you involved but I know that you want too…” Lexa starts and Clarke looks at her surprised. ”I think Costia is the one who betrayed Isaac not me, I was probably to blind to see it. I didn't want it the be true but its the only way this could of happened. She controls that business” Lexa explains and Clarke nods.  
”That thought slipped my mind once or twice but I didn't want to start something I had no idea about” Clarke admits.   
”Next time… tell me. I’m so done with people lying to me, I trust your word Clarke… I trust you and I want you to feel safe enough to come talk to me if something like this is on your mind.” Lexa brings her arms around Clarke. ”Okay” she smiles and Clarke rest her head on the brunettes shoulder. ”You’re the best thing in my life right now babe, I don’t know if I thanked you enough for letting me feel like I can have both. I love you Clarke” Lexa brings Clarke closer and the blond wants to kiss her right now but the guilt she feels right now was killing her. She had wanted Lexa to say these things, express her feelings and trust her since day one but the tables had turned and it was her that was keeping secrets. 

***

”Your grades is not looking so bright Ms.Griffin” Kade, the principal looks at her worried. ”You been slaking this last year and I know you, this is not hard for you. So tell me what’s going on? The teachers are worried about you.” Clarke sighs, maybe this was a wake up call. It was only a few weeks left in school and she knew she had been a bad student this year.  
”It’s been a rough year” Clarke admits. ”It’s been a lot going on…”  
”Is it something I can help you with, do you need someone to talk to?” he asks, Clarke liked Kade. She had knew him forever and was a good friend with her dad and since he passed he had always been there for her. ”You know Clarke, that I promised your dad to take care of you and I feel like I’m failing right now” he skipped to formal principal talk and got real instead.   
”No, I’m okay. I was much worse in the beginning of the year after everything that happened with Alex.” Kade knew everything. ”I just got behind in every subject and it was hard to keep up, is there something we can do? Like a plan so I can pass this year as well!”  
”I will make sure you’ll pass but you have to want it as well Clarke” Kade half smiles.   
”I do” Clarke nods.  
”Alright, lets see what we can do”

***

Clarke ha her stuff all over the living room when Aden was the first one get back home.  
”Hey kiddo” Clarke chuckles looking at the mess she made, she had got a great schedule from Kade and she was not gonna disappoint him. ”Got a lot of catching up to do” she smiles.  
”Maybe I can help you” he offers with a smile and Clarke seems to think about.  
”You know what, if you don’t have any own homework you can help me!” and the boy’s smile disappeared. ”Do your homework and then you can help me okay” Clarke smiles. ”Do you want a snack or anything?”  
”I want pizza I’m really hungry” the boy is happy again and looks at her with big eyes.   
”You know what, you’re harder to say no to, call Anya from my phone and ask” she hands him her phone and he goes upstairs to leave his bag in his room.   
Clarke goes back to her mess, she had to check everything of the list that Kade had been so kind to fix for her and she needed some structure. Some things needed more time and some assignments could been done in an hour. She could to this.  
”She said yes!” Aden yells as he jumps down the stairs filled with joy as he gives her the phone back.  
”Okay so go do your homework and then we’ll have some pizza, trust me you don’t want to be in the same position as me” she once again glares at her piles of homework.

A little while later when Clarke had managed to actually finish some of her school work, her stomach started to make noises and Lexa and Anya storming in with pizza could not be any more perfect timing.   
”Oh I love you, ADEN PIZZA” Clarke says storming to the kitchen to get plates, she was suddenly starving and the smell of food made it much worse.  
”Are you talking about me or the pizza” Lexa chuckles as she moves some of Clarke’s stuff so they all can sit in the living room and eat together.   
”I think she was talking about me” Anya jokes.  
”It was the pizza” Clarke smiles as she returns and now Aden had joined them as well laughing at Clarke’s joke this time and every one cant help but laugh with him, his laugh was contagious .

They had a really nice time catching up on their days, Clarke explaining her meeting with Kade, both Lexa and Anya seemed glad to hear that she would manage school after all. Very supporting and willing to help her. The sisters had actually spent the day play soccer with the school team just for fun when the coach had showed up and practically begged them to addition for the team.

”I would love too go cheer you on games” Clarke smiled imagining Lexa in her sport wears being all in commander mood.   
”I bet” Lexa smirked approving.   
”Maybe we should Lexa” Anya actually sounded serious.   
”You know we don’t have time for it” Lexa still with a smile on her face. ”But it was fun, I had a great time”  
”Coach said we we’re really good, you know we been playing for fun all these years but maybe we should give it a try, who knows?”   
”That would be soooooo cool!” Aden joins in with a mouth filled with pizza.  
”You should, both of you.” Clarke speaks.   
”I’ll think about it” Lexa smiles.  
”Awesome” Anya says excited. 

After dinner and some more studying Clarke had made up her mind, she walked nervously (for the first time in ever) into Lexa’s room. She knew her girlfriend was sitting at her desk doing some work and this could actually be the perfect time to tell her.

She had to come clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy writing this story again haha.


	37. Confession time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke comes clean.

Clarke quietly knocked on the door feeling her heart beat raise and her hands get sweaty, it would be fine.  
”Yes” Lexa answered through the door and Clarke opened to door to see a serious Heda go to a smiling Lexa. ”Hey beautiful, are you going to bed already? I have some work to take care of, you know everything about Costia and…” Lexa kept rambling but Clarke couldn’t hear it, she had to consecrate on breathing. Maybe she should do this another time? What if Lexa’s gonna hate her for this? No - she’s gonna hate her more if you don’t tell her.  
”Lexa” Clarke stopped her and the brunette looked at her surprised as the blonde sat down in front of the brunette, it felt better to sit down. ”I have to confess something” Lexa waited quiet, it was too quiet. ”And I want you to listen to what I have to say and please be a little understanding, to let me finish and when I’m done you can decide if you want to hate me or not” Lexa sat up straighter and looked serious once again.  
”What wrong Clarke?” she asked.  
”Can you promise me to let me finish?”  
”I promise” she nodded.  
”For you too understand I have to go back to the night you got stabbed…” Clarke took a deep breath, this was harder than she imagined but Lexa waited patient for her and she could not have been more thankful for that. ”I was really scared that night, seeing you with blood all over you, all this scary thoughts where attacking me…”  
”Clarke I’m okay” Lexa tried but Clarke looked up meaning for her to wait for it.  
”Then I got mad Lexa… okay I got mad because I felt so helpless and I wanted to help, after everything I just wanted to be able to help…And don’t start with, that’s not your job and whatever because you have all have become my family… and I want to protect the people I love, so can we skip that?” she looked into green eyes and the brunette nodded, looking slightly confused.  
”So you got mad?” she asked probably wanting Clarke to continue the story.  
”Yes they grabbed you from my arms and I was sitting there helpless at the ground crying when Isaac stormed in, did you know about that?” Clarke wonders.  
”Lincoln told me about it yeah, trying to show some sort of remorse” Lexa rolled her eyes and Clarke felt sick to her stomach at this point.  
”Well, I listened to him…” it was a whisper but she could tell Lexa heard her because she looked shook, like she wasn’t sure if this was a prank or actually for real.  
”What are you saying Clarke?” she sounded angry.  
”I’m begging you to let me explain before you explode”   
”I can’t believe that you even talked to that looser, he was the one started this whole mess and you should know better, I can’t even look at you right now” Lexa kept speaking raising her voice more and more. ”You should go Clarke”  
”You didn't let me finish Lexa, you promised” Lexa stood up, she felt betrayed once again.  
”Well I can’t take this Clarke”  
”What if I told you I saved you from getting killed” Lexa sat down again and Clarke was proud of herself for keeping so calm, she knew she just had to get through Lexa’s shell.  
”What the hell are you talking about?” she asked.  
”Just let me finish then” Clarke was the one to raise her voice, she was loosing her own patient now. ”Please” she pleaded.   
”Okay”

So Clarke began to explain, Lexa didn’t look at her once while she talked. She told her everything how she didn’t know if she could trust him or not, that she knew it was a risk she was taking. That she was scared to tell Lexa since she knew this would be the reaction but then she tried to tell her how she actually only got information from the MW, that Isaac knew he made a mistake and that he wanted to meet with Lexa. Isaac had put one and two together and realized that it was Costia before anyone else and was ashamed. That’s why he helped Clarke but Clarke didn’t help him.  
”So he saved you” Clarke ended the messy story that probably still didn’t make any sense to Lexa.  
”From something I was not even aware of” Lexa scoffed. ”I don’t know what to say Clarke, I feel more disappointed with you than him and if he wants to talk with me, he can forget it. He’s dead in my eyes”   
”And what about me?” Lexa kept quiet. ”I just wanted to help, at least it’s not you that he wants dead”  
”Is it Isaac?” Lexa scoffed again, that seemed like her way of handling this but when she saw the blondes insecure face she immediately stopped. ”Who Clarke?”   
”That’s not important” Fuck she wished she hadn’t slipped, she didn’t want this to come in the way how Lexa wanted to take this.  
”Fuck yeah it is” Lexa spit, she was getting annoyed. Frustrated. ”Spit it out and be honest for once!”  
”Okay fuck it, it’s me okay. It’s a fucking mess but that’s not important Lexa.” The brunette took a deep breath and looked away once again.  
”Clarke…” she began and the blond felt a tear slowly caressing her cheek. ”Give me some time, I listened to you and now I’m asking you to give me some time to take all of this in” Clarke didn’t answer she was out of that room the fast as could, she couldn’t breath in there and she needed air.

*

Clarke had decided to stay in Lexa’s room, first she considering going back home to her moms but that would only scare her. Being alone and also make her think to much and that would of only made her crazy. So the guest room was her second thought but then she decided that her and Lexa was a couple and they should be able to fight. To have disagreement but still sleep in the same bed at night. She also felt like she had to push a Lexa little on this one, it wasn’t impossible she knew that. Lexa had looked angry at first but that had turned into concern pretty fast and that had been a good sign.  
”I’m surprised to see you’re still here” Lexa said as she entered the bed room. ”You’re usually the one to run” she sounded sarcastic.  
”Do you want me to leave?” Clarke couldn't face her right now.  
”Don’t be silly” Lexa answered and Clarke could tell she was getting in bed next to her.  
”Please don’t hate me” Clarke sobbed.  
”I could never hate you Clarke, that does not mean that I do understand everything you do though…”  
”I just wanted to help” Clarke cried out.  
”I know.. I know… schh” The blonde was taking by surprise when the brunette brought her into her arms and she could not help but to fall a part and let her girlfriend comfort her.

***  
Lexa stared at Clarke as she woke up the next morning, her eyes where swollen from all the crying she did last night. She had hard time forgiving her, Clarke knew that it was because of the Ice Nation that they we’re all in this trouble. She had explained though that Isaac was very helpful and that she believed that he was on their side, that he wanted to team up once again. Maybe they could take out the MW together? But what if he was just playing the good guy and then stab her in the back once again? Had he really saved her life? The questions was endless but the one thing she couldn’t shake was that Clarke had kept this a secret for so long. She had no idea how the grounders would take this information but if it was true and Clarke was in danger, she had to tell them. She just needed to take it all in and try to understand her girlfriend better before she caused any unnecessary drama.  
”Hey” Clarke’s raspy sleeping voice suddenly brought Lexa back to reality.  
”Morning” she answered pretty stiff and they where both quiet for a while.  
”I never intended to something to betray you or the grounders, I did this because it felt like right thing for us, to be one step ahead of Cage” Clarke spoke while she stared at the ceiling.   
”Do you trust him?” Lexa asked curious.  
”Not 100% but the look in his eyes when I spoke to him the first time was nothing you can fake, he felt bad for what happened to you. He wanted to help, he wants to tell you that he is sorry. I believe that” Clarke explained.   
”I’ll talk to him then” Lexa decided as she got up to her feet. ”I need to take this information to rest and I’m not sure how they’re gonna react”  
”I understand” Clarke nodded not moving from her spot.  
”But if it’s true that you’re in danger, you need protection. If Isaac is willing to help us… I mean I’m pretty lost here you know. First with Costia, the kidnapping and now this. I don’t know how to end this war…” Lexa was conflicted, Clarke had a point she really did. Working together was the best thing for them right now, maybe she could agree to take down the MW together with the Ice Nation and then never have to see their faces again. ”We have to do something so we can go back to our normal life”   
”We do” Clarke agreed, glad over how good Lexa had taken the information.

***

”SHE DID WHAT?” Anya said in shook when Lexa had finished Clarke’s story. ”CLARKE?” still surprised.  
”Yes, I had some time thinking about it” Lexa said. ”Maybe it’s not that bad after all”  
”The Ice Nation stabbed you in the back” Gustus said angry. ”and Clarke even talking to Isaac means she stabbing us too”   
”It’s desperate times Gustus, you know that. This is the first time we might be one step ahead of the MW” Lexa knew it was gonna be hard for the rest of them to understand.  
”I don’t want to work with them” Indra grunted.   
”Costia is the reason this started, she is the one to blame. We would probably have reacted the same way as Isaac did. Maybe Clarke has a point” Lexa couldn’t be more happy that Lincoln was in the room right now, always believing in the good.   
”Yes what are we gonna do about her Lexa?” Indra asked.  
”We’re gonna go talk to her today but Clarke has to come with us”  
”Are you kidding with us?” Indra rolled her eyes.  
”NO!” Lexa raised her voice. ”If it’s true, that the MW wants to kill my girlfriend I’m not letting her out of my sight”  
”SHE BETRAYED US” Indra raised her voice and Gustus hummed.   
”She’s trying to help us” Anya spoke calm. ”Like Lexa said, now we might be on step ahead and that’s a good thing. Clarke also saved Lexa’s life so maybe we should be more grateful and stop acting like kids” Lexa looked at her sister proud.   
”She did?” Gustus asked.  
”They wanted me dead but Clarke convinced Isaac to tell him not too, long story short. Cage changed his mind eventually but now wants Clarke dead instead” Lexa explained.  
”I didn’t know…” Indra said apologizing.   
”Clarke is not the problem. The MW is… First thing first, let’s go visit Costia” Lexa was tired arguing this now, she wanted to move forward. She was actually getting tired of this. 

***

Clarke could feel the tension and all the looks she was giving when her and the inner circle was getting ready on the front yard. Lexa was quick on her bike and Clarke was glad she could distract herself while jumping on the bike to sit behind Lexa. They hadn’t spoke much, Lexa had came back to the room telling her to get ready, yeah it was a lot of tension in the air. The drive to Costia’s side of the town was not long, they parked their bikes outside their safe house and was greeted welcoming by grounders. A few of them looking really impressed to see Heda there, like she was a celebrity.   
”What to we owe the pleasure?” a tall man asked when they reached the front door. ”The inner circle with a surprise visit? Can’t be good” he continued.  
”We need to speak with Costia Rufus” Gustus spoke and the man stepped aside so they all could enter their house.   
”Tell your men that they all can join us downstairs” Lexa said referring to the men who worked for Costia, her most important men.  
”Yes Heda” the man named Rufus said as he turned his back to spread the word.  
”Lexa” a familiar voice filled the room. ”What’s going on?”   
”You call me Heda”  
”Show some respect” Indra spoke.  
”Let’s talk downstairs” Lexa said and they all followed her down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again. What do you think?


	38. Shots for everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they confront Costia

It was a total silence and everyone was waiting for Lexa to start the meeting, she was taking her time. She enjoyed seeing the fear in their eyes, especially Costias.   
”You know… I had a hard time understanding how Isaac thought he was being betrayed” everyone was quiet, still, like they where holding their breath. ”It was going perfectly, I actually loved our partner ship… so what was wrong you know?” Lexa looked up but no one said anything. This was the first time Clarke had joined one of these meeting and she could tell the mount of respect and fear they had for her. She was not a teenage girl, she was a leader. A good one. ”I didn’t have time to think about since everything came crashing down at the same time, I guessed it was a mistake. Maybe a misunderstanding?” Lexa took a break and looked around the table, letting everyone sink in every word she was saying. The fear in Costias eyes was priceless and she knew she was right now, this was her. She caused this. ”Titus told me that this was someone on the inside, that was the answer. So yesterday I came to the realization that I wasn’t aware of this because i’m not in charge of that business. I trusted someone with that job, the girl right i front of me” everyone around the table switched their direction to Costia who looked like she was freaking out, unable to sit still as she was changing position every five second.  
”Lexa…” she began.  
”IT’S HEDA” Lexa screamed, Clarke was surprised to see her like this. She really was the commander and now she could truly understand why she had the respect she was given.  
”It’s not what it looks like…” Costia tried.  
”So you did not fool Isaac? You didn’t keep more money? You didn’t trick him to believe that the business was bad and kept the money for yourself?” Lexa spit. ”You tricked him and betrayed all of us and now your letting me clean up the mess, thats not it?”   
”I wanted you to think I was doing a good job” Costias voice was low, and she was shaking a bit. ”I tried to be good so might forgive me for what I did”  
”DON’T YOU DARE PULL THAT CARD” Lexa screamed as she slammed the table with her fist and made everyone jump. ”YOU DID THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE SELFISH AS ALWAYS AND DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. I CAN’T BELIEVE I TRUSTED YOU WHEN ALL YOU HAVE DONE IS TO BETRAY ME” she took a breath. ”Well fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me”   
”I was desperate for you to like me again, you gave me this chance and I didn’t want to screw it up again. I wanted to impress you… I wanted you to like me again” Costia was frustrated and had a hard time talking, it was pretty embarrassing for everyone else who just watched the argument. ”I love you Lexa and I…” Lexa started to laugh.  
”Really? You love me, that’s your excuse? A pretty weird way to show your love for me don’t you think?”   
”Lexa?” Clarke was surprised by herself and suddenly everyone was looking at her. Lexa stared at her confused.   
”What?” she asked.  
”Don’t be so harsh” Clarke wished she could just stay quiet sometimes.  
”Outside now” Lexa told her and stood up as Clarke did the same. ”This is not over” 

”What is it now? She is the problem?” Lexa asked clearly confused by her girlfriend.  
”She did it for love… I just felt for her I don’t know” Clarke said shy.   
”You can’t mix your emotions into everything Clarke, that is why I kept you out of this for as long as I could. You are a nice, good hearted person. Sometimes you have to turn it off” Lexa told her.  
”How did it feel? To hear her say that?” Clarke asked and the question took Lexa by surprise as she stayed quiet for a bit.  
”Like it was to late for her to finally realize that she wanted me as much as I wanted her before… that I don’t want to hear all that but..” she kept quiet again.  
”But…?” Clarke pushed.  
”It was good to hear that she actually felt something, that it wasn’t all me you know” Lexa confessed.  
”Like closure?”  
”Like I least I needed to hear it you know”  
”And you loved her once” Clarke stated.  
”yeaah?” Lexa wasn’t following anymore.  
”So don’t be to harsh on her, don’t tell her to leave the city as you planned. Tell her to give you her jacket and that she is never putting her foot in the grounded business again. That she can’t talk to anyone. She has to stay on this side of the city, otherwise you can force her to leave. She has no one, let her finish school here and then decide what to do. But she’s still a orphan teenager with no one, be humble” Clarke looked direct into her girlfriends green eyes while she spoke and Lexa looked at her like she had never loved her more than in this moment.  
”You’re truly a keeper, you know that huh?” Lexa smiled.   
”So you think I’m right?” Clarke asked.  
”You have a point, I forget that we’re all humans sometimes. You keep me grounded” Lexa smiled once again and Clarke could tell that she was tired, it was an exhausted smile.  
”I just want us to get out of this mess, so we can just be happy together. Maybe you can start playing soccer, maybe get a scholar ship, we can go away this summer. See some new places, I want to take you on a date and just take care of you all night. We can have days when we’re just laying in bed all day. One day we can get our own place that we can call home and you might not owe anything more to the grounders. We can just be happy, you and me” Clarke got lost dreaming in was she believed, a perfect future for them and Lexa had closed her eyes just listening to her rambling.   
”One day” Lexa smiled as she felt a lonely tear escape her eye, she leaned in and they shared a kiss that felt like a promise. Lexa had a hard time seeing that future but she wanted it and that made her heart ache, she loved Clarke so much.

***

Lexa had listened to Clarke and watched Costia as she gave her jacket to Gustus, it was okay. As Clarke said, she cared about her once and it was hard to send her away. After all that’s why she kept her all of these years. She wanted Costia to love her as much as she did and keeping her around was secretly her wishing they might have chance. She broke her heart but was also her first love, it’s hard to let that go. Until she met Clarke she had gave up on love, opening up her heart for Clarke made her strong and so vulnerable at the same time. It was scary and beautiful. 

Clarke made her a better person. 

In the beginning of their journey she believed she was stuck to command the grounders but she wanted so much more now. She wanted the future she dreamed of as a kid, to have a family, a real education, a work that she loved and children… she wanted kids. 

This where thoughts she burnt down a long time ago, a future she thought didn’t even exist in her world. She was born to command the grounders but that wasn’t giving her the same satisfaction anymore. She didn’t have as much anger as she did when she first stepped her foot in the grounders safe house. She knew that if she wanted to have this future with Clarke she had to take care of this mess first, the second step was to give someone else to role as Heda and then leave the grounders. She wouldn’t risk the people she love to suffer for her anymore, she wanted everyone to be safe. To finally let Anya go, she knew she didn’t even wanted to join in the first place, that she dreamed of a normal life. That Anya stayed because of her, that she almost died because of her. She needed to end this. She had finally realized that. But there was still something, she loved being Heda and she loved the grounders.

Was it possible to have the best of both worlds?

***

”You did good today Lexa” Clarke hugged her from behind as they finally came back home and where standing in the bedroom. Lexa relaxed into the hug, she had felt so tired lately and loved the comfort. ”How are you feeling?”  
”Like I need to sleep” Lexa tried to laugh but she was to tired for that as well.  
”Let’s get you to bed then” Clarke brushed the brunettes hair to one side and gave her neck a quick kiss before she let her go. Both girls was to lazy to do anything more than just strip out of their clothes and sneak in under the covers.  
”I want that future with you Clarke” Lexa said sleepy with her eyes closed and Clarke could not help but smile.  
”One day” she whispered as Lexa brought her arm around her, she would still refuse to be the little spoon.  
”One day” Lexa mumbled and the she was already asleep. 

***

The following week was all about school for Clarke, she studied early mornings and late nights. Lexa was busily trying to get her head around things, Clarke was scared she was pushing herself to much. She convinced her to try out for the soccer team with Anya though. It was hard but finally she had gave in and told her yes. Clarke was also followed everyday, mostly by Lincoln but there was always grounders outside the school and patrolling around the city. Lexa was not taking the threat light hearted, she wanted no one to get hurt - especially not Clarke. It had been quiet though, it was weird to just wait always on the edge scared that something bad was gonna happen. Clarke was meeting with Isaac soon and then they where gonna plan a meeting with Lexa, it was all happening slowly and it was killing everyone. So they kept themselves distracted with school, video games, drinking or just hanging with one and other. 

It was Wednesday and everyone had come together to watch Anya and Lexa try out for the team, to everyones surprise Octavia wanted to give it a chance as well. Everyone cheered happy for them. It was fun to see how good they all where and it was amazing to actually just be there and watch them play, there was nothing else that mattered at the moment. There was really no surprise when all of them made the team (to be honest they we’re probably the best on the field) and they all decided to celebrate. 

Lexa and Clarke was holding hands, laughing at some stupid joke Raven told on their way to the bar. Lincoln carried Octavia on his back and they where in their own world laughing with each other while Anya was discussing some cool tricks she did on the field with Indra. Gustus was chatting with Aden and everyone just seemed to have a good time. This was how it was supposed to be, they shouldn't have to worry about the things they did.

”First round on me” Bellamy yelled when they entered the bar with a big smile on his face. ”CONGRATS” he smiled and showed him the table he had saved for them where beers and some shot was waiting for them. He had brought Jasper, Monty and Murphy with him as well, they all raised their glasses, cheering.   
”Let’s fucking celebrate” Raven said with joy and everyone walked over to the table.   
”Let’s make a toast” Bellamy smiled. ”Especially for the great talented girls who made the team today but also for this new fantastic friendship we made, cheers” he smiled and raised his shot glass.  
”CHEERS” everyone all said in once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter :)


	39. Dilemmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot tuff decisions to make

”We can’t just storm the place Lexa” Isaac tried for the fifth time to explain.  
”I’m loosing my patient” she breathed.   
It’s been almost two weeks and they had decided to work together (all on Lexa’s terms) and they were at the moment down the basement at the grounders safe house in a meeting like every other night this week.  
”They will kill all of you within a second, they have worked on their security since you guys stormed the house. That is why it has been so quiet, they are preparing for war” Isaac explained while looking over the room. ”And they want you to have a 0 chance to win this time”  
”So what are we gonna do?” Gustus asked while some of the men from Ice Nation hummed in agreement. So far, them working together, had turned out pretty good.  
”If we want to end this, we need to kill them all” Clarke shrugged at the idea, why did death even need to be the answer.  
”Do we have to kill them?” she asked.  
”Do you really think they’re just gonna walk away, they would kill all of us in a blink of an eye. Cage would smile if he got the chance to kill you Clarke”  
”But it might be innocent people as well” she tried.  
”I think we should just blow up the place” Anya rolled her eyes, everyone was getting tired arguing about this.  
”That was actually not a bad idea…” Isaac seemed to think about it. ”But we still need a plan, we need to place the bomb and make sure that everyone’s in there”  
”And maybe make sure the innocent isn’t?” Clarke tried again.  
”Well princess, you’ll do that and let grown ups do the dirty then” Lexa raised her hand and hushed Isaac.  
”Don’t speak to her like that” she told him.  
”I’m sorry Heda” Lexa nodded to Clarke. ”I’m sorry Clarke, it’s all very frustrating and I took it out on you. I’m sorry” Isaac apologized.  
”It’s okay, let’s just.. let’s try this idea out and let’s see what we can do. We need to move forward” 

Everyone agreed. 

***

Anya heard the light knock on her door and hummed letting the person outside to know it was okay to walk in.  
”Hey big sis” Lexa peeked her head inside, probably making sure it was okay to enter.  
”Whats up?” Anya looked at her.  
”I have a dilemma” Lexa had to sit down, it was a long time since she came to her big sister for advice, as far as she can remember… she can’t even remember and by the look Anya gave her she knew she was confused as well. ”I can’t do this anymore” Lexa spoke quiet, not wanting anyone to hear her.  
”I know it’s hard but we will come up with a plan Lex…” Anya wasn't following.  
”No… I just want peace. I don’t want risk my life everyday, I don’t want to put the people I love in danger, I can’t go around constant worried that something bad is gonna happen. Since I let myself feel again everything is eating me up and I’m exhausted” Anya was now looking at her concerned and surprised. Somewhere deep down she was proud as well, this was her sister. Her sister that had finally decided to open up to her.  
”So why don’t you? No one is forcing you”  
”Because I still love being Heda, I love my grounder family. I can’t just walk out of them, especially not now. Do you really think the MW would care if I walked up to him and said, hey I’m not Heda anymore so you don’t have to bother me?” Lexa knew that she had to find her peace with rest of the gangs before she could even considering leaving the grounders or stay as Heda.  
”We fight for peace then?” Anya suggested and Lexa stayed quiet for a bit.  
”Do you like it here Anya? Or do stay because of me?” Lexa asked in the most adorable way Anya had ever heard.  
”You know the answer, I’m not unhappy. I’m happy as long as I am with you” Anya smiled assuring.   
”But you never wanted this…”  
”I wanted a normal life, that’s why getting on the soccer team actually meant a lot to me” Anya explained. ”I wan’t to apply for collage, actually I did apply for collage…”   
”Wait you did?” Lexa asked, even though she knew being a grounder never was the goal for Anya, she never really had imagine her not being one.   
”Yes, I wanted to talk to you about it… but with everything going on I didn't seem like the time”  
”Are you leaving me?” Lexa felt her eyes tear up, she could not even think about not being near her sister everyday.  
”Hey charm… I need this and as you said, you want out as well. Why don’t you apply for a school near me?”  
”Don’t leave me” Lexa begged feeling so small, her sister was her only family left but she knew she was being selfish right now.   
”I can’t stay here and I can’t leave you, you know that. You don’t need this anymore, we can fight this last war together… but then we deserve to be happy as well. Especially you Lex…” another knock on the door made Lexa wipe her tears away, Anya did the same. ”Yes” she answered.   
”Babe…” It was Raven and that was Lexa’s call to leave.  
”We’ll talk about this later Lex, the MW was the reason we ended up here, the reason out parents are dead. Let’s end them once and for all and then we leave…”   
”I’ll think about it…” Lexa was about to open the door before she turned around and looked at her sister. ”I love you” she said before she opened the door and was met by a surprised Raven who throw her arms around Lexa to late to realize it was the wrong sister.  
”Stop hitting on my girlfriend” Clarke laughed just walking by.  
”Stop hitting on my sister” Anya laughed with Clarke and Raven was not often speechless or shy, but right now she was ashamed and Clarke thought it was a lot to do with Lexa’s smug smirk.  
”Not everyday you get a hug from miss Raven, don’t make it a habit though” she winked and smiled and then smiled at Clarke that was dying of laugher.   
”Shut up you guys” Raven whined.  
”Clarke, you hungry? I was thinking we could go out and eat?” Lexa now moved to grab Clarke into her arms, she actually needed that hug after her conversation with Anya and immediately felt better , taking her girlfriends sent in and hiding her face in her neck. ”A date?” Lexa whispered.  
”I WANT FOOD” Aden suddenly came crushing out of his room. ”Can we go to that hamburger place that serve those chocolate milkshake”  
”Now I want to go” Raven said with big eyes. ”Anya?”   
”Hell yeah I can go for a burger”  
”I guess we have double date then” Clarke chuckled and kissed Lexa on the cheek who look very disappointed by the fact.  
”Did someone say food?” Octavia and Lincoln peeked out from Lincoln's room excited as well.  
”The more the merrier” Lexa said rolling her eyes, she had looking forward a quiet night with Clarke but she could never say no to her family. How was she ever gonna be able to leave them?

***

”Can she please stop looking at you” Clarke rolled her eyes when the waitress had eyed Lexa to much since they got there.  
”What now babe?” Lexa asked not really paying attention typing on her phone and drinking her soda.  
”The waitress, she’s flirting with you and it annoys me” Clarke eyed the blonde waitress, she was cute. Not really her type but she looked like the girl next door sort of. It was bothering her.  
”No she’s not” Lexa chuckled finally looking up, she hadn’t even noticed the waitress since Clarke order for her and she had been busily texting with Isaac.  
”She totally is” Raven laughed and Anya pushed her lightly and hushed her down.   
”I knew it” Clarke was suddenly feeling grumpy. ”Give me a kiss” she told Lexa.  
”I’m not gonna kiss you just because you think… wait who was it?” Lexa asked and Clarke had to nod towards the girl.  
”Hmm…” Lexa was joking Clarke knew that but she didn’t find it funny.   
”She’s hot” Anya agreed.  
”Fuck off” Raven rolled her eyes, the sisters where playing with them.  
”Girls…” Lincoln let out a high sigh, for everyone to realize that they where being silly.  
”Boys…” Octavia fired back and this time… with all girls sitting there looking mad at Lincoln he looked panicked at Aden for help.  
”Back me up boy” he laughed at Aden who wasn’t really following but gave him an high five.   
”Anything else?” the blonde waitress was back.  
”The bill please” Clarke looked at her with a fake smile.  
”We are having problem with our system would you mind following me to the counter?” she asked.  
”Sure…” Clarke followed her and when she was done she came back with a smug smile on her face.  
”I guess I was wrong” she smirked looking at her friends, mostly Lexa.  
”She wasn’t flirting with me… I told you” Lexa stuck her tongue out.  
”No… she was flirting we” Clarke scoffed showing her the recite with the waitress number and a note that said call me. The smile on Lexa’s face disappeared and she now looked angry at the waitress.   
”Ass…” she mumbled and the whole table laughed and Lexa was glad when her phone showed a new text so she could distract herself from her annoying friends and the fact that someone was flirting with her girl. ”Isaac has a plan” she bursted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Lexa could walk away from the grounders?


	40. Lost in each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven has a plan

”That could work…” Clarke went over Isaac’s plan in her head.  
”Good job Isaac” Lexa told him and they shared a sly smile.  
”We do need to go over all the details” Isaac informed them. ”If we are gonna put the bomb inside their safe house we need to make sure that everyone is in there…”  
”What if” Clarke interrupted him. ”What if you plan a meeting with them… tell them that you need everyone there except for those who’s not..”  
”Clarke, we can’t save them all” Indra stared at her.  
”Hear her out” Lexa told Indra and she nodded in response.  
”In that way we have everyone we need in the house, the people who are innocent does not belong in there, we can’t be that cruel…” Clarke looked over at everyone who suddenly seemed to agree.   
”Okay, that can work” Isaac gave in, giving everyone a look that told them let her have this. ”So here is the plan… I’m gonna talk to Cage, set up the meeting. That wont be a problem, because he wants all of us there, he’s been talking about it already. I need the whole house surrounded by people, no one is gonna be able to escape. I need four groups, the Ice nation will provide for two and the grounders for the other two…  
”No” Lexa stopped him. ” We mix, I don’t trust you 100% yet and I wont risk it”   
”Okay but I do need four groups, you can choose the groups” Isaac waited for Lexa who stared at him not sure what to do. ”Like now Heda”  
”Oh” she answered. ” I got 30 isch polite people I can divide into four groups”  
”I can do 30 people” Isaac nodded.   
”So I want my inner circle with me… no, I need you to be on one each team. Anya and Gustus with me” she started by that and then divided everyone randomly into the four groups, she kept Isaac with her team. ”That’s okay?” she finally asked and no one had anything to say about it.  
”So that’s check one” Isaac confirmed. ”Group 1 are gonna cover the back yard, group 2 the front, 3 left side and group 4 on the right”   
”What are we gonna do? Just stand there like idiots aren’t we supposed to set a bomb”  
”Yes smart ass…” Isaac rolled his eyes to Gustus. ”What if something goes wrong? Then we have to be ready to fight. We need a back up plan as well… Group 1 is gonna fix the bomb, group 2 is gonna prepare weapons, group 3 will figure out where to put the bomb and group 4 will come up with a plan to make sure everything goes smoothly and that we won't drag any attention to us.” Isaac took a break and looked over the room. ”I’ll give you two days, see you Thursday. Dismissed” Everyone began chatting and make noise when Clarke cleared her voice.  
”Wait” she said and everyone stopped and looked at her. ”Who is gonna set the bomb inside the house?” she asked curious.  
”Did we just forget the most important part” Lexa rolled her eyes this time and looked annoyed at Isaac.  
”And now everyone has a job…” Isaac seemed to think looking over the room.  
”I don’t” Clarke confirmed. ”Lexa didn’t put me in any of the groups.”  
”Yes and there is a reason behind it, I don’t want you to be apart of it”  
”I already am a part of it, I can’t fight… we need all of you at your positions. I can set the bomb”  
”She is right, we need her” Isaac agreed with Clarke.  
”No..” Lexa took a deep breath. ”That’s the most dangerous part of this plan, can’t someone else do it?”  
”It doesn’t have to be” Raven suddenly peeked into the room and everyone looked confused at her.  
”This is a closed meeting” Anya informed her.  
”Sorry, I heard that you we’re dismissed and then you never came up so I wanted to make sure everything was okay and I overheard Clarke, I can help her get inside and out safe”  
”We are listening” Isaac told her.  
”Hell no” Anya said angrily. ”She got nothing to do with this”  
”I won’t really, Clarke will use this ear plug I have and I will talk to her through it. I will watch her every move on the outside, you all will make sure I can move around safe and in that way we can control what’s going on inside and on the outside.” she took a break. ”Let’s be honest, Clarke is not gonna back out of this, so let’s make sure she is safe instead”  
”I like this chick” Isaac smiled big. ”It’s settled then, Raven and Clarke is our secret weapon and the rest of us will fight like the animals we are” he scoffed. ”We talk more next time, we need to go”  
Anya and Lexa was not approving this.

***

”Clarke?” Lexa grabbed the blondes arm in the kitchen quick after the meeting. ”Last time…” Lexa locked eyes with blue, suddenly lost remembering how Clarke broke up with her and disappeared for two weeks.  
”Lexa… I know how I acted after the fight the last time, I blamed myself and got scared and all those things but I also got over it. I guess I needed to panic for a while but then you told me something” Lexa tried to remember but she didn’t. ”You told me that we can’t decide what’s gonna happen, we wont know if die or live tomorrow. So I want to fight for us, let me do this for us”  
”For us?” Lexa asked.  
”Let’s finish this once and for all so we can move forward, I can tell Lexa. You have been so exhausted lately, you don’t talk to me what’s going on in your head but I’m asking you, let this be it. Fight for peace but then you deserve to be happy as well” Clarke brought her arms around Lexa’s neck ignoring the people in the kitchen. She doesn’t think they where listening anyways since they where chatting pretty loudly as well.  
”I just want this to be your choice and… I don’t want you… What if?” Lexa was struggling with her words.  
”Raven will make sure I get in and out safe, you don’t have to worry about me. I promise” Clarke leaned in and pressed a gently kiss on Lexa’s lips, Lexa wasn’t convinced but Clarke knew how to manipulate her. Making everything seem so perfect and distracting her with love, she knew Lexa couldn’t say no to her anymore. It wasn’t a bad thing really, it was almost always innocent.  
”I’m just scared of loosing you” Lexa whispered when their lips separated.   
”You won’t” Clarke kissed her again and Lexa brought her arms around her waist trying to bring her closer to her.  
”I just want this to be over” Lexa sighted between their kisses. 

***

Clarke yawned and stared at the clock in the kitchen, almost four in the morning and she was not even near finished with her english essay. She had been studying, or attempt to study all night but all she could think of was the meeting earlier and the fear in Lexa’s eyes. This was not the right time to be distracted and Clarke took a large sip from her coffee and for the millionth time she stared down at her lap top and tried to focus.  
”Blondie, why are you up this late?” a tired Anya entered the kitchen trying to adjust her eyes with the brightness in the room.  
”School” Clarke sighted looking up from her computer, she was really tired.  
”So your not working on your suicide plan to set a bomb in the MW safe house next week?” Anya said sarcastic.  
”You don’t like it either…”   
”Of course I don’t and Lexa must hate it” Anya spoke while she filled a glass with water. ”She wants out you know… or at least I think so”  
”What are you talking about?” Clarke wondered suddenly way more interested in this conversation than her homework.  
”Don’t tell her that I told you but I think you need to know. She doesn't know if she wants to be Heda anymore… She is tired you know, I don’t know if she is gonna be able to walk away from the grounders by herself but I am gonna make her do it.” she took a break and swallowed the last from her water. ”We are done here, she has done enough. She doesn't need this anymore and I need for my sister to have a real future and for the first time in forever I might have a chance and convince her.”  
”So do it!”   
”What if something like last time happens huh? Do you think if you walk away from her again she is gonna want to leave?” Anya asked, she was not mad or angry she was more concerned.  
”I’m not gonna leave her Anya, I love her”   
”You loved her the last time as well, the short time you weren't together was Lexa being back to her old self and…”  
”I’m not gonna leave, I already talked to Lexa about this. I want to fight for peace as well so Lexa can have a normal life”  
”So we want the same things?”   
”Yes…”

***

”Clarke… Hey… Yo…Can you hear me?” Raven spoke through her microphone.   
”Turn it up a little if its possible?” Clarke asked from downstairs where she was trying out her ear plug.  
”Okay… Hold on…” It took a few seconds before. ”NOW?” Clarke threw out the ear piece and swore to her self before she picked it up again.  
”To fucking loud Raven!” she said annoyed stilled hurt by the sudden loud noise.  
”Sorry boo… what about now?” Raven tried to keep her laughter in check.  
”Now it’s better” Clarke answered with a shrug.   
”Awesome! Coming down!” Raven chuckled before it went quiet and Clarke looked over to Lexa and Anya and nodded.  
”Sorry about that!” Raven yelled coming down the stairs.  
”Try not to destroy her hearing next time” Anya scoffed.  
”We sorta need it” Lexa agreed.  
”It was a mistake” Raven said sticking her tongue out. ”But it’s all good now, right babe boo?” Raven smiled and brought Clarke into a hug. ”We’re a good team right?” she continued.   
”Yes” Clarke chuckled. ”Get off me” she said but brought Raven in closer for a real hug.   
”Do you think they can pull it off?” Anya asked Lexa rolling her eyes at the hugging girls.  
”They have to…” Lexa answered.

***

The next days was all about meetings, planing and getting everything together, Clarke had to stay home and study most of the times so Lexa usually told her the new information when she got back home. From here and now everything seemed to be working out just fine, they had a good plan with a lot of potential. It was all really just depending on Clarke setting the bomb that was the tricky part and that was slowly getting to her. She was not regretting taking the responsibility to do it, she was more afraid of failing and letting everyone down. It was different this time, last time she was taken by surprise of how real it actually was. Lexa was in gang, people got in fight, they dealt with weapons… people got killed. It wasn’t news but seeing it so close and be apart of something so dangerous… that was scary. Lexa being stabbed with a knife was even more of a wake-up call, she wanted to take her girl out of this mess. She didn’t know how to actually get Lexa to leave the grounders and she would never ask her to walk away from her family. The solution Clarke made up in her mind was… making peace with every gang, end this MW bullshit and in that way Lexa could still be Heda and with her family but also live a normal life. At least a safe life, she needed Lexa to be safe.  
”Are you thinking really hard about school work or is something else bothering you?” Lexa smiled, already changed and ready to get in bed. Clarke looked up from the computer screen, she didn't even notice Lexa coming home, she must of been really deep in thoughts.   
”Everything I guess” Clarke answered with a sly smile and Lexa closed her laptop and put in on the night stand.  
”So that’s enough for today then” Lexa said while brushing hair away from Clarke’s face.  
”I guess… how was your day?” Clarke was a little surprised when Lexa suddenly straddled her with a smug smile on her face.  
”I’m tired of talking Clarke…” she breathed while she slowly got closer to Clarke’s face, she looked at blue eyes and then to her girlfriends perfect lips, she bit her own plumped ones and met her eyes again. Clarke wanted it too… in no time their lips collided and they where lost in each other.


	41. The bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is day they fight the MW

It was an intense morning, everyone was focused and preparing for their big plan. Today was they day they where gonna end the Mount Weather gang. The safe house was crowded with people, it was not that weird since half of the Ice Nation was packed in there with them as well. People where sitting in their groups talking, everyone with a serious face. Lexa and Isaac was down in the basement speaking privately, the back yard was full of weapons and in one of the guest rooms Octavia, Raven and Clarke was chatting nervously.   
”Are you ready for this?” Octavia asked her best friends.  
”Yes” Clarke nodded. ”Let’s end this once and for all”   
”It’s up to you blondie” Raven was scared for her friend but she was gonna do everything in her power to keep her safe. 

The day went by slowly, they where waiting to midnight, hoping the dark would protect them a little more. People where eating to keep strong, some where drinking a lot of coffee to stay awake, some just staring into nothing, wondering whats next.   
”You should eat some” Lexa handed Clarke a sandwich she prepared in the kitchen for her, she made one for herself as well.   
”Thanks” Clarke accepted the plate and they sat down in the couch placed in the living room. They eat in the silence, no really knowing what to say to each other. They already knew what the other was thinking.  
”Clarke…” Lexa finally spoke when finished her food.   
”I know” Clarke locked eyes with green and they stared at each other for a while.  
”I love you” Lexa’s eyes slowly teared up and Clarke felt her own emotions taking over.  
”I love you” she whispered back as she leaned in to kiss the brunette, she rested her face in Lexa’s neck and they held each other like they never wanted to let go again.

***

People was one after the other leaving the safe house, they had decided it was best to leave in small groups so they could move unnoticed. Indra was just leaving the house with some other people, nodding towards Heda as in - we’re gonna win this. Clarke and Raven was already gone, they where one of the first people to leave since they wanted to get head start knowing what the safe house looked like. Clarke has some knowledge since she was kidnapped and kept there but she hadn’t really thought about the details. 

Later that night, they had all reached their spots, they succeeded getting there quietly and the first part of the plan was over. Isaac was texting with Cage, telling him the Ice Nation was on their way for their meeting but was running a little late, Cage answered with a simple okay see you soon. It was all going fine. At the moment Clarke was sitting in one of the bushes outside the house on the backyard, trying to get inside.  
”What if it’s locked” Clarke whispered to Raven.  
”Then we’ll find another way in, they’re leaving” Raven spoke talking about the men who was chatting in the kitchen where Clarke had to get inside. ”Now is the time” Clarke moved slowly and found the kitchen empty, she grabbed the door and was relieved to find it unlocked. ”Hide” Raven suddenly breathed and Clarke put her body against the wall, trying to get her own breathing under control. What felt like forever was probably just a few seconds. ”Okay, he’s gone. I think we have to move faster” Raven spoke low.   
”Okay” Clarke sneaked inside and listened for noises, the tv was on and she could hear people move upstairs. That was a good thing considering if she was making noise, no one would really think twice about it. 

***

Lexa felt like she was holding her breath, Clarke was now inside the house and she tried to stay focused. It was nerve breaking but she had to keep a brave face, if something went wrong it was so many people to back her up. She had to think positive. Raven was getting closer witch meant Clarke was on this side of the house, not to eager she tried to see if she was able to catch her.  
Some men where following Raven’s every step as well, keeping her safe as well.  
”That’s the way to the basement Clarke, yes… yes” She could now her Raven speak to Clarke and she swallowed nervously. ”I can’t see you anymore, once you go down you have to do it on your own until you get back up again.”  
”Tell her, they always keep the door to their meetings closed so if she place the bomb in the stairs…” Isaac spoke and Raven listened to the instructions and then passed them to Clarke.  
”She on her way” Raven stated after a few seconds and once again Lexa found it hard to breath. It felt like forever before Raven spoke again and now with relief. ”She did it!” she sighted. ”Clarke, let’s get you out of there, you got 5 minutes before the bomb fires” Everyone suddenly seemed to relax and take in the good news, the second part of the plan was working out great as well! They all waited in silence for Clarke to get back up to the first floor, the floor where Raven could get her out unnoticed.  
”Clarke” Raven whispered since it was taking some time and wanted to make sure she was there, no answer. ”Clarke” she tried again but she was smart enough to know that the connection had been broken, she had to try again though. ”Clarke, come on!!”   
”What’s wrong?” Lexa stared at her with big eyes.

***  
Fuck, fuck and once again fuck, Clarke was pressed under the stairs. She had succeeded in setting the bomb but when she was about to leave people came downstairs and they where now chatting one meter from her hidden body. She didn’t have much time and she had to get out of there.  
”Yeah my son is upstairs, he’s excited about this new collaboration with the Ice Nation.”  
”I never understood why the IN wanted to keep the family away, this is a historical moment and I’m glad I get to share it my family” Clarke stiffed under the stairs, wait what? This could not be true, the innocent should not be here.  
”Haha Alex turns 7 today and can’t wait to grow up to be like daddy, we celebrating after the meeting…” Clarke tried not to listen, the house was filled with children that she was now about to blow up. She had to warn them, could she? She looked at her smashed ear plug that she had managed to broke when had to hide in a hurry. She looked at it and tried to see if she could fix it. Nope, no way. 

***

”This is taking to long, something is wrong” Lexa said annoyed to hide her fear. ”We have to get inside”  
”It’s to dangerous Heda, the bomb is ticking. She got three minutes to get out of there” Indra looked at her watch and Raven seemed to panic.  
”Why can’t you talk to her anymore?” Lexa asked Raven.  
”She broke the connection, I don’t know how but mine is still working fine…”   
”Heda, we can only wait”  
”Wait…” Raven stared at one of the rooms. ”Why is the room filled with children?”   
”What?!” Isaac said shocked. ”No…Do you think Clarke is trying to get them out?”  
”If I know Clarke…” Lexa and Raven said at the same time and shared looks. ”Okay, we have to help her”   
***  
Clarke was about to freak out, she knew that bomb would fire any minute now and the men was still talking. She took a deep breath to remain calm, if she stayed at her position she would die. The bomb was literally next to her. Should she run? Hope for the best? And try to get some of the family outside with her? 

***

A little girl opened the door and Raven looked at her with a smile.  
”Hey” she said with a big smile. ”I’m new in the neighborhood and managed to get lost, do you have your mom home? Someone that could help me?” she continued smiling, right next to her was two grounders hiding next to the door.   
”MOM” the little girls screamed and a pregnant woman approached them.  
”What?” she said angry looking at Raven confused.  
”Take this advice, take a child in each arm and RUN!!” Raven looked at her and the grounder next to her showed themselves each holding a gun while the whole front yard entered with fighters, showing themselves from their hiding. The mom looked at the scene shocked and screamed for her life and started to scream for everyone to leave.  
”What’s happening?” some men from the basement came up, Raven was already long gone. Kept safe. ”RUN!!” people was running for their lives, the good part was that it was only family. The room was soon empty but now filled with angry MW men ready to fight. It was and intense moment as they slowly approached them while the grounders and the Ice Nation slowly walked away from the house. Knowing what’s next… It didn't take long from there… a loud noise and then fire… it was chaos and a scene in slow-motion. It was like watching a movie but instead it was very real, the house was on fire and parts from the house was flying ready to hit the ground. People ran, some hurt. Some people just knocked out by the strong explosion, some stuck under some peace of wood and the same time guns firing from left and right. It was not them or us, it was fighting for yourself and try to get out of there alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... What do you think?


	42. Fire and Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have to clean up the mess they made

Have you ever been in one of those moments where everything you can focus on is here and now even though your whole body is aching for something else? You want to drop everything that you are doing but you can’t. Lexa was fighting for her life on the battlefield they created, the plan had backfired and it was hard to tell who was having the upper hand. She had to stay focused but it was quite hard not knowing what hell happened to Clarke. Was she alive? Was she out here somewhere? Did she get out in time? Was she inside the house when the bomb fired? The questions was spinning in her head and it was distracting.  
”BEHIND YOU HEDA” someone screamed and within a second she turned around and pushed a man down to the ground, seconds later he was shot. Lexa looked around to see Indra holding the gun. ”Are you okay Heda?” she asked and Lexa nodded. ”Focus” she then added before she walked up next to her. She was relieved Indra was there, she lost all her guards. Most of the times she would not care, she could fight for herself and was scared of a little action, but with her head spinning she could use some back up. 

***

Raven screamed of pain, screaming for help but it was useless. She had been hit by a large peace of wood that her arm was now stuck under. She was sure it was broken, actually her whole body was aching. She took some deep breaths trying to get it together she looked around and what she saw was terrifying. It was fire everywhere, smoke, people where running of fear or ready to fight. She had trouble hearing since the bomb had been so loud but it was slowly coming back and she could recognize gun shots and screams. People was running pass her but they didn’t care about her, maybe the thought she was dead already. She took another big breath and gather all the strange she had before she gave her best shot to move the wooden piece.

***

”Octavia what are you doing here?” Lincoln asked as he pulled her to side to hide.  
”I could not stand just sitting back home, you trained with me for a really long time. I can fight” Octavia answered.  
”But…”  
”Don’t fight me on this one Lincoln, I’m ready” she had yell since it was so much noise going on in the background. ”Let’s help our people now” she continued as she started walking towards to mess. She was absolutely shocked by the scene, it was crazy and it was hard to tell what was going on. There was so much smoke in the air and it was hard to see who was who. As they got closer she could feel two arms swung around her.  
”O” Lincoln yelled and she did what she had learned and practiced on her boyfriend so many times. She kicked him on his knee to make the MW man focus on that for a second witch made his grip easier to get out of. She hit him with her elbow and could push him off and as soon as she was out of the sight Lincoln shot him.  
”Okay babe, let’s do this” he looked so proud at her and they continued walking but it was not long before they had to stop again.  
”OMG RAVEN” Octavia screamed in panic as she saw her best friend trying to get a huge… was is a piece from the house? Octavia could not tell but her and Lincoln rushed to help Raven.

***

Lexa ran towards two men taking them down at the same time, Indra and Gustus finished them shortly after. Gustus was found only moments earlier fighting five men at the same, with Lexa’s and Indra’s help they managed to take them all out as well. It was still chaos but Lexa could tell the MW where getting out numbered. Most of the MW probably died in the house when the bomb set off, so it was only the men that got out of there in time who could fight back. The thought of people being dead in the house made Lexa sick to the stomach, no one came out after the bomb, there was a lot of people running out of the house when they spotted the grounders and the Ice Nations outside but ever since the house had just been on fire. The fire engine would probably get here soon and the police, they had to finish this quick and get out of there as fast as possible. 

***

Lincoln and Octavia and finally managed to move the heavy wooden piece away from Ravens arm but now it was bleeding a lot instead.  
”Take this” O said as she took her sweatshirt of and used it stop the blood. ”We need to get her out of here!” and Lincoln began to pick Raven up in his arms.  
”Clarke” Raven mumbled, she was about to pass out.  
”Lexa is here, she won’t let her out of her sight” Octavia spoke and Lincoln gave her a look and she could tell something was wrong. ”what?” she asked scared. ”WHAT?” she repeated when no one said anything.  
”Clarke never came out of the building, we don’t know where she is”  
”What are you saying, what happened?” Octavia looked at Raven this time.  
”Our connection broke once she had set the bomb, everything was going fine and she was about to get out of there but I couldn’t reach her” Raven was trying really hard to stay awake, she must of lost a lot of blood and her arm hurt a lot.  
”That means she probably got out of there right? Just because you couldn’t talk to her doesn’t mean she didn’t get out right?” Octavia was babbling and Lincoln hushed her down. He wanted to hold her but Raven was fighting for her life in his arms.  
”We have to go O, we have to get Raven to the hospital”  
”Clarke…” Raven repeated before she passed out.  
”Okay let’s go” Lincoln said and Octavia was struggling but gave in quick since she realized that Raven could be saved… what if? She couldn’t even think about it. She had to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. So what do you think?


	43. This was it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

As Lincoln and Octavia got Raven out of the area they didn’t have to do much more, the sirens was like screaming in their ears. They sky was filled with blue and red and they could see people running away from the police. They waved their arms to stop an ambulance and rushed to get Raven the help that she needed, they didn’t care about the rest.

***

”HEDA! We have to go!” Gustus raised his voice as he didn’t wanted them to stay there when the police arrived.  
”NO” Lexa yelled back. ”I can’t leave without Clarke”  
”WE WON LEXA, this is a victory.” Indra joined the conversation.  
”It doesn’t feel like it…” Lexa listened and she could tell the police was near.  
”We can’t save them all, look around Lexa. It’s a war that we have been wanting to win for year and we succeeded. you said it yourself. You have to look at the bigger picture, Clarke sacrificed herself and you honored her by not letting her down. You got your revenge Heda” Gustus spoke but it only made Lexa sick to the stomach, Clarke couldn’t be dead. No way.  
”She’s not dead” Lexa spitted out.  
”We have to go Heda” Indra grabbed the brunettes arm. ”If she still alive she’ll get help, we have to save ourself as well” Lexa felt her body being pushed and she let her body follow the grounders away from the burning house. At the moment she felt numb.’’

***

”How are you feeling?” Octavia asked Raven who sat inside the ambulance, her arm all taken care of. As soon as they had stopped the bleeding she had woken up a bit, she still had to go the hospital but since it wasn’t a rush they ambulance men had decided to help another grounder who was in a much worse condition.  
”It hurts” Raven simply answered she didn’t really care about that at the moment. ”What about Clarke” she wondered and Octavia swallowed nervously.  
”I don’t know…” she shrugged and Raven was about to say something but was interrupted by the screaming outside.  
”OVER HERE” someone yelled and Octavia peeked her head out to see a lot of men helping someone in behind the trees.  
”There is many hurt people” Octavia sighted she could see the men rushing the get the hurt person out of the woods and it wasn’t long until a car was rushed to the hospital.

***

As soon as they got back to the safe house Lexa went to see if Anya was back home, in relief she found her in her room.  
”Anya” It took three seconds before the sisters where in each others arms and Lexa cried, she hadn’t cried in forever and she felt so vulnerable. Her sister slowly rubbed her back in silent and Lexa brought her sister closer. 

When she had managed to control her breathing again she slowly let go of her sister to wipe her tears away.  
”I don’t know where Clarke is” she refused to think that she was dead.  
”Lexa…” her sister sat down her bed and Lexa followed. ”She never got out of the house…” Anya was crying too.  
”No, we don’t know that” Lexa whispered.  
”So why did you leave, you know the truth deep down otherwise you would never leave without her” Anya know she was hard but there was no use in trigger code the situation and that left Lexa in silent.  
***  
Lincoln and Octavia had followed Raven to the hospital but decided a while later to go back to the crime scene. The fire was now put down and it was incredible quiet, the police had secured the area but they walked in anyway. The police was still searching the area and Octavia felt sick when she saw all the bodies covered on the ground.  
”We shouldn’t be here, I thought they would be gone by now” Lincoln muttered more to himself.  
”All the survivors are at the hospital by now, we should search for Clarke there instead” he locked eyes with Octavia and she nodded in response. She knew he was right.

***

Lexa and her inner circle arrived to the hospital a while later, they parked their bikes outside the building not really knowing what’s next. Everything had happened so fast, one second everything had been alright. The plan was working and a second later it all literally exploded. The back up plan Isaac pushed had been useful, they had been fighting for their lives out there and slowly outnumbered the MW. The second they succeeded in their mission the sirens had filled the air and people had rushed from the spot, usually they would have celebrated together but not this time. People had no idea where their beloved once where, the chaos had people parted and separated from each other. It was a scary thought and this was the moment that would change a lot in their lives, walking in to this hospital to see who survived or not. 

If Clarke survived… Lexa swallowed. Everyone kept saying the same thing but she had to see it for herself to truly believe it. This was it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is poorly, I apologize!
> 
> This story will come to an end very soon. I'm thinking about making two long last chapters and make em count and make the best out of it. I hope that sounds okay!


	44. It's up to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confusing times at the hospital

Clarke was laying in the grass looking up at the clouds, it was satisfying watching them move slowly making beautiful creations in the blue sky. She chuckled to herself.  
”What’s so funny?” she recognized the voice and she had to sit up to see what she was looking for.  
”The sky is beautiful” Clarke smiled at Lexa who was slowly walking towards her.  
”I think you’re beautiful” Lexa smiled back as she joined Clarke on the grass.  
”Such a flirt” Clarke winked and dropped a quick kiss on her girlfriends amazing plumped lips, she could never get tired of kissing them.  
”That kind of looks like a unicorn” Lexa giggled pointing to the sky and Clarke looked up and nodding in agreement when she looked back at Lexa she jumped by surprise. They where now in a completely dark room and Lexa yelled at her but Clarke couldn’t hear her.  
”What?” she kept asking and the brunette started to ran away, Clarke followed her.

***

Raven sighted in the hospital bed, her arm was now plastered and it was itching. Apparently her arm was broken, not a big surprise really. As she had been stuck earlier she had thought her arm was totally smashed and gone complete so she could handle it being broken. Raven had lost a lot of blood though and had some small injures to her head, the doctors had informed her she had to stay the night so they could keep an eye on her. That was the news she was upset about the most, Clarke was missing - no one knew where she was and Raven was stuck in her hospital bed.  
”Lexa must of really have scared the crap out of the receptionist” Lincoln walked into the room.  
”Lexa is here?” Octavia asked jumping off the chair she had been half asleep on seconds ago.  
”The inner circle just arrived, I’m guessing more people are gonna show up. It’s just a matter of time, everyone has someone at this hospital at the moment” Lincoln walked up to Raven and put his hand on her healthy shoulder. ”How are you feeling?” he asked concerned.  
”I’m fine, what about Lexa? Why did she scare the hospital?” Raven rushed the question.  
”She wondered if Clarke was here…” Lincoln sighted knowing Clarks two best friends was sitting in the room staring at him, hoping he had good news. ”And the receptionist had explained that it was so many wounded people who had yet to be identified, that they where working on saving their lives and that she had to wait for more information…”  
”They told Lexa to wait, how did she handle that?” Raven scoffed actually knowing that Lexa was not a girl you told to wait, if she asked you something you do it right away.  
”She was being Heda and made things move faster, the hospital is now crowded with grounders who identify their beloved ones. It’s not ideal but it works” Lincoln finished.  
”Is there something we can do?” Octavia asked looking at Lincoln knowing Raven was not suppose to leave her bed.  
”For now, we have to let the doctors do their job… I know Dr.Griffin will visit you soon Raven, maybe you girls could talk to her… you know…” Lincoln didn't have to finish his sentence, the girls knew what he was talking about and nodded in response.

***

Clarke looked at her locker in school and stared at a picture of her and Finn, she was in his arms and they were both smiling like idiots. Clarke chuckled at the memory, they had visit Finn’s summer place for a weekend, their friends was there with them. Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Monty, Jasper and even John. They had played some silly games in the pool and they had been insuperable together and this picture was taken right after the last game. 

What a simpler time it was back then, she missed her normal routines and the worst thing she could complain about was homework. She was not regretting anything that happened this last year though, meeting Lexa has made her grow as a person. It’s weird how people can change you, Alex was that kind of person who would tear you a part, glad to see you suffer. Lexa was the opposite, she always wanted Clarke to become stronger and more independent. Lexa had done her mistakes as well but in the end of the day, so has Clarke. They probably had to fight and fall apart to strengthen their relationship and understand each other more. Her love for Lexa, that was something she was 100% sure about, that woman could really make her crazy… but not in the bad way. More like if Clarke wouldn't go crazy she probably didn't care enough, but she does. She loves Lexa in every way possible.  
”Clarke” It was Lexa’s voice again.  
”I was just thinking about you” Clarke smiled turning around to face the brunette but the hallway was empty.  
”Clarke” Lexa’s voice filled her ears again. ”Where are you?”  
”I’m here” Clarke yelled.  
”Clarke, where are you?” Lexa’s voice was louder this time and Clarke walked against it.  
”I’M RIGHT HERE” Clarke yelled louder.  
”WHERE ARE YOU CLARKE?” Lexa sounded desperate.

***

”Stop screaming, it’s not gonna help Lexa” Anya grabbed her sisters arm.  
”How do you know that, she has to fucking be here somewhere” Lexa was trying her best to keep it together but it was getting harder every second.  
”We are checking all the rooms, if she’s here we will find her” Anya tried.  
”If she is here? Of course she is here!” Lexa yelled back as they entered Ravens room and she was meet with confused looks.  
”If I’m here?” Raven asked awkwardly. ”Yeeah I am….”  
”I don’t think they were talking about you…” Octavia said from the corner of the room, she was in the same chair as earlier.  
”She is talking about Clarke” Anya explained to Raven. ”Are you okay, Lincoln texted me, he said that you were but I had to check on you” she continued placing a kiss on the Latinas forehead.  
”I’m fine, just a broken arm and some small injures to my head, have to stay the night though” Raven shared a sly smile trying to convince everyone that she was okay, sure it hurts but there was other people who was in much worse condition. ”Is Clarke here?” she continued directing the question to Lexa.  
”Yes” Lexa nodded and couldn’t see the looks Octavia and Anya exchanged. ”I don’t know where yet, but she is here somewhere.”  
”That’s good news…” Raven was confused by the silence in the room but slowly realized the truth, they probably still had no idea if Clarke even left the MW safe house or not.  
”So we have to keep looking” Lexa nodded towards Anya.  
”I can help you if you want to stay with Raven for a while?” Octavia suggested.  
”Sure” Anya smiled. ”Thank you”  
”Whatever, hurry up O” Lexa walked out of the room and Octavia had to rush out of the room.

***

”I am telling you, that is MY daughter” Dr Griffin screamed at the hallway and Lexa and Octavia stopped in shock by the words. ”I know it might be hard to tell but I know my daughter and that is her” Dr.Griffin continued.  
”Clarke?” Octavia yelled and made the doctors look at their way.  
”Girls…Maybe you can help me convince him that the girl in there is Clarke”  
”Yes” Lexa peeped and rushed to them.  
”The questions will wait for later… this way” Dr.Griffin opened the door to one of the hospital rooms and Lexa gasped.  
In front of her was a body who was covered with hoses and machines tugged to it, there was some blood on the sheets and blonde curls was visible, she had to get closer to see her face. Lexa studied it, it was bruised and it was a lot damage to it but there was still no doubt.  
”It’s Clarke” Lexa fell to the floor with her hands covering her face, she tried to breath but it was all to much, she cried and she could feel someone touching her but she pushed the arms away.  
”What happened to her?!” Clarks mom was not a professional doctor anymore, she was an angry concerned mom. Octavia was speechless looking at her best friend and Lexa’s sudden outburst.  
”Don’t tell me she was in that gang fight that is all over the news?” Abby Griffin continued when she didn’t get an answer and O nodded nervously this time. ”GET OUT” she yelled at the girls and Lexa was quick to her feet.  
”Mrs.Griffin we…” Lexa started but Abby looked at her with eyes that could kill.  
”I don’t want you near my daughter ever again” Abby spitted trough her teeth.  
”But”  
”GET OUT, THE BOTH OF YOU! GET OUT” Abby screamed and the girls was out of the door in no time.

***

Clarke found her self walking in a old house her family rented a few years back, it was the last summer her dad was still alive and she held the memory close to her. They had spent almost three weeks at this amazing lake house. They did everything from fishing, barbecues, sailing and lazy afternoons watching movies. It wasn’t just the fact that her dad was still alive it was also because her mom was 100% present that trip, she left work at home and spent every awake moment with her family. As she is one coveted doctor Clarke remember it was really cool of her to be there with them for a whole three weeks. Clarke smiled, this was a good place but she was a little bit confused of why she was there.  
”I love this place to” a familiar voice suddenly made Clarke jump, it couldn't be…  
”Dad?” Clarke saw her father on the front yard and it didn’t take long to run outside and jump into his welcoming arms. ”I don’t understand” Clarke mumbled into his fathers chest. ”Am I dead?”  
”No Clarke… But I am here to tell you to keep fighting, It’s up to you if you want live or die” Her dad slowly let go of his grip and looked serious at his daughter. ”You have become such a strong and beautiful woman Clarke and I am so proud of you, you can’t give up now”  
”What happened to me dad?” Clarke was still confused, was she dreaming?  
”I’ll show you, close your eyes” Clarke took her fathers hand and closed her eyes.

When she opened her eyes she was in the MW safe house, she watched herself hiding under the stairs and her memory was slowly coming back. She had been on a mission.  
”That’s you, right before the accident” she was still holding her fathers hand and it was weird standing there watching your self. Loud noises upstairs made her look up.  
”I remember this, something happened upstairs and that saved my life…” Clarke explained to her father.  
”Yes…” her father agrees as the MW men suddenly ran upstairs and left Clarke under the stairs alone. Present Clarke watched herself run upstairs and out of the basement, it was a lot going on upstairs on the front side so Clarke had ran towards the back yard. As soon as she had opened the door the bomb exploded and last thing she remember is flying out of the door.  
”What happened to me?” Clarke asked as they walked towards the garden on the back yard.  
”You hurt your head pretty hard when you hit the ground, it knocked you out” her father explained.  
”Is the rest okay?” Clarke asked and shrugged by the image of her lifeless body on the ground.  
”Your friends are okay, Lexa is okay” her father smiled at the thought of her daughter finding someone who truly loves her.  
”You know about Lexa to?” Clarke said shyly as the environment suddenly changed from the MW safe house to something that looked like a hospital.  
”I love it when you talk to me you know” her father smiled but Clarke didn't feel so happy anymore when she saw how many people had been hurt from the bomb.  
”Out of everyone from this fight, you are in the worst condition at this moment…”  
”MOM!” Clarke yelled eagerly. ”DAD IS HERE, MOM!” Clarke tried again when her mother didn’t notice her.  
”They can’t see us sweety, she can’t see us” her father looked disappointed to the fact as well. ”She truly is amazing that woman, beautiful strong and always been so independent”  
”She works a lot…” Clarke told him.  
”I know… and when you wake up I think you have a conversation ahead of you” her father pointed to the other side of the hallway.  
”Lexa” she whispered and quickly remembered they couldn't see them.  
”Your mother blames her for this…” her father sighted. ”Sometimes I wish I could talk to her…she always needed some grounding from time to time, someone to slow her down and tell her to enjoy life more”  
”She blames Lexa for this?” was the only thing Clarke repeated as her father rambled about her mother.  
”That’s you Clarke. You have to tell her that okay?” Her father looked at her serious.  
”NO, not when she’s so mean to Lexa” Clarke complained.  
”Trust me, she’s gonna be stubborn about her opinion and the best way to get to her is this way. Every time it got to much I always had a long conversation with her and then we left everything for at least two days or so and she was back to normal.”  
”It gets to much for everyone at times dad…”  
”Yes and everyone deals with it differently”

***

”She asked you to leave?” Raven said in shock when Lexa and Octavia had finished their story about what just happened with Clarks mom.  
”She’s in pain” Lexa told her.  
”I guess we should give her some space then?” Octavia suggested.  
”What about Clarke? Is she gonna be okay?” Raven wondered.  
”I think she’s in a coma… Her face… It was hard to recognize… a lot of machines” Octavia had trouble finding words to explain Clarks condition since they never got one.  
”She’s doing a operation in a few minutes” Lexa said looking at her watch.  
”How do you know that?” Anya asked, she was laying besides Raven with her arm wrapped around the Latina.  
”I asked the doctor…In my way” Lexa smirked a little. ”She hit her head pretty hard and that’s why she blacked out… They have to check the brain so there isn’t any damage to it, the operation is simple. It’s just… how Clarke wakes up is the question. She can be complete normal or…”  
”Let’s think positive okay” Anya stopped Lexa mid sentence and everyones silent nod was an agreement.  
”I need to talk to Abby…” Lexa finally said after a few quiet minutes. 

***

Clarke and her father was staring at Clarks body while the doctors where preparing her for operation, it wasn't a nice sight and Clarke felt weird watching her self outside her body.  
"Am I going to be okay?" Clarke asked her dad.  
"I wish I knew..." her dad put a comforting arm on around her shoulders.  
"I don't want to wake up and you know..." Clarke wasn't a fool, she knew a lot about brain surgery since her mom had told her a lot about it. She could wake up not being able to speak, memory loss... hard time reading even functioning correct. Her body may not listen to her brains commands...  
"I know what you are thinking Clarke...but you're a fighter and has always been one. You can't give up" her father squeezed her shoulder a little.  
"What if I don't want to fight anymore dad? I am tired of constantly battling in my life...It would be so nice to just let go"  
"Clarke.. don't leave the people who love you, the answer is not to let go. What about mom? Your friends? What about Lexa?"  
"I don't want to leave them...I don't want to leave you either"  
"I will be waiting here and we will meet again Clarke" her father smiled. "But right now is not the time"  
"It would be so much easier though..." Clarke sighted. She was conflicted, she was tired... she didn't feel any strength to keep on going. All she wanted to do was to let go, find her peace at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> Clarke got to chat with her father and I wasn't planing on it at first but I thought it was a sweet idea and added it.  
> Abby blames Lexa... what do you think about that?  
> And what do you think Clarke is gonna do? Is it selfish of her to wanna let go? 
> 
> Next chapter will be the last one. It's going to be a lot longer and will be up soon. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you joined me on this journey and supported this story. The comments have made me want to keep writing it but I am pretty done with this story and I am ready to begin a new one... 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you're ready for the last one. It's gonna be sad to end this one ;')


	45. I would never leave you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an emotional one.

Lexa hesitated a few seconds before she knocked on Dr.Griffins office, she was almost never scared but facing Abby right now was frightening.  
”Yes, come in” Abby’s voice filled Lexa’s ears and she slowly opened the door.  
”It’s Lexa” She informed the other women and Abby looked up from her computer screen, she looked disappointed by the sight.  
”Didn’t I tell you to stay away from us?” Dr.Griffin asked.  
”Matter of fact, you told me to stay away from Clarke” Lexa said as she sat down in the seat in front of her.  
”What happened to my daughter Lexa?” Abby asked, no need for small talk.  
”Listen, if I could decide over Clarke… If I could make decisions for her… She would of never been there, we would probably not even be together since I tried to push her away so many times…” Lexa took a break not really knowing what to say. She just felt like she needed to explain everything.  
”Maybe you should of tried harder” Abby frowned.  
”Well I think you know your daughter and you know that she is very stubborn… I never wanted to get her involved in all of this…”  
”I’m not sure what you’re going with this…” Abby seemed to relax a bit in her shoulders.  
”I love your daughter Abby…” Lexa took a deep breath. ”I would do anything for her, I would never hurt her. I just wanted you to know that…”  
”It does not explain what Clarke was doing at that gang fight does it now?”  
”Well… I never planned on having her there, she volunteered herself.” Lexa explained.  
”But why? Why would my daughter want to be in a gang fight? It doesn’t make sense to me” Abby told her as she crossed her arms.  
”I’m not sure either…Maybe because the MW are bad people, maybe because she wanted to help me get my revenge… this last fight would of been the last one and we would have peace. It was supposed to be easy but it backfired…She told me she couldn’t just stay home and do nothing”  
”Your revenge? It all comes back to you Lexa!”  
”Well… The MW killed my parents, we where on a family trip and ended up taking a wrong turn…” Lexa swallowed, she usually didn’t share this part of herself. ”It was a gun fight…and…” Lexa felt her eyes tear up and she had to stop talking to breath slowly, to get herself together.  
”I had no idea…” Abby filled the silence. ”I’m sorry sweetie” Lexa was taken aback by the nickname and looked up to face Clarks mother.  
”I just… I love your daughter Dr.Griffin…She is the only good thing in my life besides my sister, I can’t loose her” Abby grabbed Lexa’s hand that was placed on the table, she rubbed it gently.  
”We’re not gonna loose her!” She said calming and Lexa decided in that moment that she really liked Clarks mom and when Clarke got better they would visit her more.

***

”Maybe you don’t have to do anything after all…” Clarks father smiled as they watched over the conversation between Lexa and Abby.  
”I did not see that coming…” Clarke admitted.  
”You can’t leave them Clarke”  
”Not this again” Clarke sighted and closed her eyes annoyed and when she opened them again she was faced by the beach. The waves smashing the ground was like music to her ears and the sight of Lexa standing in the water put a big smile on her face.  
”It’s really nice Clarke, take of your shoes” Lexa yelled at her and Clarke did what she was told. She felt the sand in her bare feet and almost ran towards her girl. ”Nice huh?” Lexa chuckled and grabbed Clarks hand to linger their fingers together.  
”It’s so peaceful here” Clarke smiled. ”And look at that sunset” Clarke pointed to the horizon.  
”Yes but you have to stay here with me Clarke” Lexa smiled.  
”It’s so bright though… should we swim towards it?” Clarke asked and walked further to the sun set but Lexa grabbed her hand tighter and tried to make her come back.  
”No, don’t leave me Clarke!” Lexa wined. ”Don’t go”  
”I just want see the sunset, I want to touch it!” Clarke said and slipped her hand away from Lexa’s.”Just come with me!” Clarke said.  
”I can’t leave Clarke, please don’t leave me here!” Lexa now yelled as Clarke was getting further away from her.

***

The doctors ran past Ravens room and everyone was quick to their feet to see what was going on. Raven put a arm around Anya to get some help out of the bed and Octavia, Lincoln and Lexa was already in the hallway.  
”It’s Clarke!” Lexa said in panic.  
”Quick, Quick!” they where pushes back by some doctors running pass them, Abby was there to.  
”What’s going on Abby” Raven yelled.  
”She’s giving up!” Abby yelled back before the door to Clarks room was slammed to keep the girls and Lincoln on the outside.

***

”Have you already watched the sunset?” Clarke asked her father who was swimming towards her.  
”That is not the normal kind of sunset Clarke… I come from it” her father was now beside her and stopped her to keep going gently.  
”What are you talking about?” Clarke wondered.  
”PLEASE” Lexa yelled from the beach.  
”If you swim to that sunset…there is no going back Clarke. If that’s what you wanna do, we’ll do it together okay? But please think about it for a second okay”  
”Lexa should come with us dad” Clarke didn’t really understand what was going on.  
”Don’t you get it, she can’t. She’s alive and waiting for you to wake up.”

***

”We can’t do much more now…” Abby opened the door and informed the teenagers. ”All we can do is talk to her… Wish for her to hear us” they all walked into the room, Clarke looked exactly the same as she did the last time they saw her, like she was sleeping.  
”Talk to her?” Raven asked.  
”Yes” Abby nodded. ”Let’s give them some space” Lexa was surprised over how strong Abby was and she admired her for it.

***

”Do you hear that?” Clarke asked her father and they both went silent to listen.  
”Clarke?” It was Raven. ”I don’t know if you can hear us”  
”Hi!” Octavia made herself heard. ”Lincoln is here to”  
”What’s going on?” Clarke asked her dad.  
”They are trying to communicate with you” he explained.  
”But the sunset is going away we should hurry up before we miss it!” Clarke watched the light slowly fade away.  
”Lexa is walking away to…” her father pointed to the beach. ”You have to decide Clarke!”  
”You promised not to leave me Clarke” Clarke watched to the beach but Lexa was walking away and the voice didn’t come from her.  
”It’s the real Lexa speaking…” her father understood her confusion.  
”Don’t you remember Clarke… you promised me you would never leave me. So please don’t leave me” Lexa was crying.  
”Dad…I promised her…” Clarke finally felt like she had woken up, she couldn't give up. What the hell had she been thinking. ”Are you… are we…” Her father hushed her and brought her into a comforting hug.  
”I love you kiddo! We will meet again, take care of your mom for me!” her father whispered.  
”I promise… I love you to dad! So much!” she hugged him tighter.  
”Come visit me more often and talk to me huh! I’m with you all the time…” her father smiled as he let go of his grip. ”Go after her” and Clarke swung around and started swimming to the beach.  
”LEXA” she yelled. ”WAIT” the brunette turned around to watch the blonde as she reached the beach. ”I’m not leaving you okay!” she breathed as she throw her arms around the brunette into a hug, their bodies collided together.

***  
Clarke slowly opened her eyes, it took a second to get used to the light but everyone had already noticed her movements.  
”Thank god!” Raven and Octavia was over Clarke in a group hug in seconds.  
”Be careful” Lexa’s voice filled her ears.  
”Water” was the only thing Clarke could manage to say.  
”Here” Lincoln handed her a cup and she drank it in no time before she reached for Lexa with her hand.  
”Clarke…” Like always, the blonde loved how her name rolled out of Lexa’s mouth. The brunette leaned in and grabbed Clarks face with both of her hands so softly before she kissed the blonde.  
”I promised I wouldn’t leave you” Clarke smiled when their lips parted and then the room was filled with nurses and everyone had to step away and give them space to work.

***

”She’s okay” Anya smiled and hugged Lexa. ”She’s gonna be okay” she mumbled into her sisters neck.  
”I can’t let this happen again…” Lexa hugged her back, finally able to relax and suddenly she felt how tired she was.  
”It won’t” Anya assured her.  
”I’m leaving the grounders, I’m done” Lexa spoke, sure about her words.  
”Are you sure?” her sister asked.  
”I need to focus on my future with Clarke and I need to get her out of this mess, she doesn’t belong there”  
”And what about you, don’t you belong with the grounders?” Anya didn’t want Lexa to do something she would regret.  
”Not any more” Lexa smiled. ”I got my peace, I’m ready”  
”Who’s gonna take your spot huh?” Lincoln joined their conversation and the sisters let go of each other to look at him.  
”Someone humble, strong and open-minded. Someone I trust will take care of my family” Lexa answered.  
”I can’t believe this Heda” Lincoln was sad about the fact.  
”You Lincoln, I want you to take my spot” Lexa smirked at how shocked Lincoln stared at her.

***

4 weeks later

”Good job girls!” the coach screamed to the girls out on the field, just finishing their practice.  
”Lexa, your on fire!” Octavia laughed giving her an high five.  
”That goal was insane!” Anya smiled big. ”What’s with you today!” she laughed.  
”My girl is watching me practice for the first time…” Lexa said shy.  
”Aaaaw… you want to impress her!” Octavia winked before her attention was drawn to arms wrapped around her waist. ”Hey babe!”  
”You where amazing” Lincoln smiled and kissed her cheek.  
”So where you” Clarke was close behind him with Aden.  
”You think?” Lexa smiled and Clarke brought her into a hug and kissed her lips gently.  
”Euw… your sweaty” Clarke whined letting go of her girl.  
”Shut up you love it!” Lexa laughed and swung her arms around the blonde once more but Clarke was quick to her feet and started running away from her laughing.  
”Stop” she yelled and Lexa chuckled as she started chasing her.  
”Dorks” Anya rolled her eyes but her heart was filled with love for these two, she loved the sight.  
”I’m hungry!” Aden suddenly whined and the others smiled at him.  
”Let’s go then kiddo” Lincoln smiled and made Aden’s hair a mess before he lifted him up and carried him on his shoulder. They where almost knocked down by Clarke who was still running away from Lexa.  
”Kids, that’s enough” Lincoln joked.  
”Gottcha!” Lexa hugged Clarke from behind and the blonde finally gave up.  
”Now I’m sweaty to so it dosen’t matter!” Clarke pouted while Lexa was feeding her cheek with kisses.  
”We can shower together baby” she whispered only for Clarke to hear.  
”Finally a good suggestion from you” Clarke smiled and Lexa tickled her side.  
”Love you babe” she laughed as she let go and lingered their fingers together instead.

***

”Hey mom” Clarke smiled and kissed her mom on the cheek as they all entered her childhood home.  
”How was practice” Abby smiled and looked at the once dressed in soccer uniforms.  
”Good, it smells amazing here” Lexa smiled leaning in to give Abby a kiss on the cheek as well.  
”Food is ready in 10 minutes, Raven will you help me set the table?” Abby asked looking at the latina. ”You know you need to practice your arm” she winked.  
”Oh, why does breaking your arm mean so much household chores?” she complained but was already on the task.  
”Hello idiots!” Kane greeted the teenagers as he entered the kitchen. ”Need any help in here dear?” he asked Abby and she smiled.  
”Is the grill ready?” she asked.  
”Yes, should I begin grilling the steak?” he asked.  
”Yes please” she said and handed him the plate filled with steaks and then gently gave him a kiss.  
”Gross” Clarke joked sticking her tongue out but smiled afterwards. She was actually happy they found each other, they both deserved it. It was nice to see her mom happy as well and she knew her father wanted them to move on and enjoy life. It all happened fast between them, but they had been friends for so long and probably been flirting for the past year but just been to scared to take the first step. Clarke had seen them interact and practically forced them on a date - a success if you ask her.  
”Aden wanna help me with this?” Kane asked looking at the boy who nodded excited and followed him to the backyard.  
”Hey girls, quick shower now! I can give you fifteen minutes” Abby suddenly clapped her hands and there was already movements in the room. Clarke took Lexa’s hand and led her to her bathroom.  
”It’s also quicker if we shower together you know” Lexa chuckled.  
”You don’t have to give me any reasons to shower with you, I will always say yes” Clarke chuckled back as she got undressed.  
”Can we do it in 10 minutes?” Lexa smirked.  
”Hell yeah” Clarke answered with lust.

***

”I said fifteen minutes not 30…” Abby rolled her eyes when her daughter and Lexa finally had decided to join them.  
”Sorry I needed a shower as well…” Clarke answered.  
”Oh…really? So you took turns that’s why it took so long, got it!” Raven smirked and Clarke could feel her cheeks heaten.  
”Correct” Lexa smiled trying to ease the tension but the table bursted out laughing, while Abby and Kane looked at everyone confused.  
”Don’t ask…” Clarke looked at her mother, right now hating Raven.  
”Well my loves, sit down… the food is getting cold!”  
”I’m starving!” Lexa was quick to pick up her plate and Clarke followed her lead, both probably wanting to escape the awkward situation. 

***

”Let’s toast!” Clarke suddenly stood up stealing everyones attention for a bit. ”I just want to thank all of you…” She took a pause and smiled at each one of them. ”Raven, even though you can be a bit of a pain in the ass you will always be my pain in the ass”  
”That’s what I get? To be a pain in your ass?” she said but smiled.  
”Happy that you got into that school where you get to explode things… you know so you don’t have to explode our things anymore”  
”It’s not a… whatever” Raven rolled her eyes.  
”I’m gonna miss you so much! But I know your gonna achieve some amazing things over there and if you don’t come and visit us all the time I will explode okay?” Clarke smiled and Raven mouthed love you back to her. ”Octavia, my dearest room mate… I’m looking forward to experience collage with you, I’m so happy to have you by my side… I will probably see a lot of Lincoln too witch makes me happy. Lexa couldn’t have chosen a better person to replace her, you have done so much already and I love how you keep working for peace… actually I adore it!”  
”Thank you Clarke, it means a lot!” Lincoln smiled.  
”Yes babe, we gonna have so much fun!” Octavia said happy while Lexa pretended to be offended by the nickname.  
”And you…” Clarke looked at her beautiful girlfriend. ”Words cannot describe how happy I am with you… and how happy I am to announce that Lexa got a scholarship to play soccer at the same collage as me” Everyone turned their heads to Lexa and applauded happy. ”Congrats”  
”But… why are you staying with Octavia then?” Raven asked confused.  
”RUDE!” Octavia stuck her tongue out.  
”Because Anya got one too, and they are sharing a room that’s closer to the field” Clarke smiled.  
”NO WAY, are you all leaving me?” Raven pouted a little jealous of all of her friends got into the same collage.  
”Your only 20 minutes away babe” Anya smiled. ”We will still see each other all the time”  
”That’s true… congrats girls!” Raven smiled.  
”Kane… Welcome to the family!” Clarke raised her glass to him and he did the same. ”Mom, I love you and I know dad is so proud of you. I… it’s hard to explain but I know it and I’m so happy how far we have come this year.”  
”Love you sweetie” Abby smiled as her eyes teared up a little.  
”I love you all so much, I can stand here all night and try to explain how much each one of you means the world to me, without you I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’m so grateful. Cheers!”  
”CHEERS!”

***

”How are you feeling?” Lexa asked Clarke as she wrapped her in the blanket she carried with her. The blonde was sitting on the porch outside drinking a cup of tea.  
”A little tired, still not used to much activity” she answered with a sly smile and Lexa stroke her back.  
”Well, maybe it’s time to say good night for you. I was gonna ask if you wanted to join me to the safe house. I need to help Lincoln with some stuff” Lexa explained.  
”Oh…yeah I forgot” Lexa had spent almost every night with Clarke in her mothers house for the last weeks but she still had a lot of things to clear out at the safe house. Not only did she need to pack all her stuff she also had to go through everything with Lincoln. Clarke knew it was hard for Lexa to leave but she also knew that this is what she wanted. They had spent many hospital nights talking about the fact.  
”It’s okay babe, i’ll be back in like two hours” Lexa smiled keeping her arm around the blonde.  
”That’s a long time” Clarke pretended to look sad. ”Gonna miss you” she pouted and Lexa giggled before their lips met in a soft kiss.  
”Love you” Lexa smiled in their kiss.  
”Aaw… don’t leave me” Clarke grabbed the brunettes neck to keep her close, she was just playing but she loved to tease the brunette.  
”I would never leave you” Lexa answered stroking some hair away from Clarks face.  
”I would never leave you” Clarke smiled back.

They finally had their peace. They didn't owe anyone anything. They could finally focus on just being happy and they where. Ready for whatever future brought to them, together, stronger than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... after almost 1 year (!!) The story is finished. This is the last chapter.
> 
> This story is a little bit all over the place, I knew there has been some mistakes but it has been fun creating it!  
> To be honest it's sad that it's over but who knows, maybe we want to find out how collage turns out? Maybe a little sequel. I don't know.
> 
> I do want to thank everyone who kept reading and supporting the story even if I was bad at updating at times, you all rock! Take care my loves and I hope you enjoyed the last chapter.
> 
> I will probably write another story soon, I got some fun ideas. :)
> 
> Friendly reminder that your all beautiful. Bye :')

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story ever, I'm not a writer and I just do this for fun.  
> English is not my native language so it might be some misspellings.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :)  
> Have a nice day!


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